Last week I went with a friend of mine to a charity lunch. The event was held in aid of Tommy’s, a charity that exists to save babies’ lives. In the UK one in four women loses a baby during pregnancy or birth. They fund research into and provide information on the causes and prevention of miscarriage, premature birth and stillbirth. On our table all the women except for me had lost a baby. As a result, they have raised thousands of pounds for the charity in many different ways. I have helped my friend organise events but nevertheless I felt I shouldn’t really have been there. The event was to acknowledge longstanding supporters both individuals and companies. The final award was their “Angel Award”, given to a person who has really gone out of their way to help someone through a pregnancy related problem. The award was presented to a husband who had supported his wife through the most awful time. Administering IVF injections, being in hospital with her when she lost one of their twins and never leaving her side whilst their remaining child fought to stay alive. The story was heartrending. By the end everyone had a tear in their eye, but I was sobbing. It was really very embarrassing – my reaction was far greater than anybody else’s and I was mortified. Of course, I was extremely moved by their story, but I was also selfishly thinking, why did my husband never make me feel supported during my three pregnancies? Why did I always feel that he’d rather be off playing or watching sport? At least she’s got a husband, let alone an amazing one. I was quite shocked at my ability to turn the sorrow BTM(back to me). However, I listened to one conversation at our table, over lunch that, in my opinion was far worse. One of the women who had lost a baby was telling the rest of us about her au pair – a Philippino girl who had gone awol. Apparently a few days earlier this girl had told her she was pregnant. Her employer was horrified. She said “obviously she couldn’t keep the baby, she already has two children back in the Philippines. I told her she should have an abortion, but she had the nerve to ask me for the money”. She was only concerned that the girl had not been in touch since yesterday and could therefore have done a runner with her money…. Did she not see the hypocrisy? Did she not give any thought for all those women who have to leave small children in other countries in order to come and work as a slave in order to send money back? Why was abortion the simple solution for her as we sat at a charity lunch to raise money for saving babies?
I went to see my friend in hospital yesterday. She has just produced her 4th daughter. She was divine. Tiny, pink, perfect and most importantly, healthy. When I had my first child, I was young enough not to understand how easy it was for things to go wrong. Now, it seems to me, birth is an absolute miracle. As she sat holding her, I really was in awe of the fact that something so amazing could be grown in a woman’s belly. Worryingly, her husband did not seem to feel the same. As a small word of advice to any men out there with a pregnant partner – be very careful what you say to a woman who has just had a baby. She becomes territorial – a maternal beast. She will never forget. More importantly, she will never forgive you. My brother’s first comment to me on the birth of my first child was “I thought you’d said you’d had the baby”. Not good. The first comment her husband made as their perfect daughter emerged into the world was “she has features reminiscent of dwarfism don’t you think”?
The hospital was filthy. I’m not surprised that it has such a high rate of MRSA cases. Obviously I don’t know very much about bacteria, but I would have assumed it might be helpful to keep the building clean. I don’t understand why they insist on visitors washing their hands with antiseptic soap from an empty dispenser on entering the building. It would have been more appropriate if they had provided sheep dips for us to wade through on leaving the premises.
My ex husband has just called to say he wants to bring the children back early. He thought he might drop them back tonight. Tonight? Well if it’s not entirely necessary I’d rather he didn’t. I might be missing them, but not that much. Having braced myself for the long weekend, I’m going to hold out for as long as possible. I’ve got them for the remainder of the Easter holiday so I’ve suggested that he bring them back tomorrow morning instead. Now I will have to crawl around commando style with the lights off all evening pretending I am not in.
