COVA DÉN XOROI – MENORCA

Just as I’ve finally slipped into the zone where I can no longer even string a sentence together – (“brain deadness rules – or is it brain death in the past tense?” was about all I could come up with yesterday), its nearly time to go home. Im going to have to pick up all the little bits and pieces of my mind that Ive left strewn around the swimming pool and on the floor of my bedroom, stuff them back into my suitcase, drag them back to England, wash them and stick it all back together somehow. What an effort.

We’ve had the most amazing weather and seen a teeny bit more of the island. We went on a boat and snorkelled about looking at fish in turqoise water. It really is a beautiful island. Much more serene than the other Balearic Islands, (which isn’t difficult considering that they include Mallorca and Ibiza). It is only 53km from east to west and 23km from north to south, but has more beaches than the other two islands put together.

We had an interesting night out the other evening. A group of us decided to go clubbing. Some of us wanted to go to see why “Cova Dén Xoroi” was on the Top 10 list of dramatic places in the world to dance. My son on the other hand wanted to go and see The Artful Dodger DJ and get pissed (ideally, not in front of his mother, but needs must). We arrived at midnight (which was a huge effort in itself – it only opened at 11pm!) in our trusty large white van that has ferried us all around the island instilling within all of us a low level mixture of fear and trepidation and sweaty palms because of it´s size and inability to stay far enough away from anything that is on the right side of the road and depending mostly on who the designated driver was for that particular excursion. Luckily I proved to be by far the worst so I got out of most of the driving after that.

“Clubbing Sa Cova” was at the bar and disco that are housed inside a natural cave set high on a sheer cliff face above the sea. As you descend down the steps it is hard to differentiate between where the sky ends and the sea starts. Stars merged into foam. Beautiful and incredibly dramatic. On the dance floor itself you could gaze (or in my case peer) over the edge and down into the rather too tempting sea below. I wonder how many people have decided, (after an all night rave) that a swallow dive into the water directly from the dance floor would be a very good way of both cooling and showing off.

The music was far too hip and cool for us oldies. We wanted to go and request Bony M or maybe a song from Grease, but we tried our hardest to copy the youngsters (to dire effect as I´m sure you can imagine). To be honest I was just pleased to have got in and that the dancefloor was so dark that it wasn´t immediately obvious that the young blokes hovering around our group (my son had found two other 16 year olds to play with) were dancing with somebody old enough to be their mother! I do not recommend clubbing with your children. Not only do they take the piss out of your dancing but you worry about how much they are drinking. Apparently some bloke was buying them shots at the bar. WHY? Apparently they knew the best way to drink a bottle of beer without coming up for breath. HOW? Apparently the taxis were really cheap and my son kept telling me that it would be absolutely fine to leave them there till 6am and they would definitely find their way home. WHAT? “But mummy” he implored at one point and before he could continue, I found myself saying¨”don`t call me mummy in a nightclub. How embarrassing. Somebody might hear you”.

We dragged all three boys out at 2am after both my brothers began to get a bit worried about my son´s behaviour. He was doing his young silver back male thing and whilst strutting his funky stuff on the dancefloor he was beginning to piss off a whole nest of other young local males.

He is never going out on his own again if that´s the way he behaves at a club with his mother in the room. He is however, planning to go back tonight with his mates. It´s “foam” night. Not a chance. Unless of course he´s planning to take me with him. Put´s a whole different perspective on “where the stars merge with the foam”.