There has been a terrible mistake that I have decided to keep very quiet about. Somebody has accidentally put my name on the wrong list (like Peter Seller’s in “The Party”) and I am feeling like an imposter who is going to get caught out at any moment…..

But you never know, perhaps I might get away with it without anybody noticing the mistake. I have seen the list of other people going now and it has become even more obvious that I shouldn’t be there because “Family Affairs” is stuck in amongst “The Sun” and “The Telegraph” and “The Mail on Sunday” and other such HUGE, PROPER publications. It’s just odd.

Then I had a text from the lovely girl who has invited me saying “what is the name of your travel blog again?” and I was thinking “SHIT – WHAT TRAVEL BLOG?? Where can I quickly find a travel blog? A “Family Affairs On Tour”?? They think I’ve got a travel blog”. But then I remembered that I sort of do. As a sub-section of my normal blog. So that should hopefully do.

For some inexplicable reason, I have been invited by Disney to attend the”Inaugural sailing” of their new cruise ship “Dream”, which just happens to be docked somewhere simply lovely – from my rainy, dark perspective. Initially, I told them that I wouldn’t be able to go. FAR too many responsibilities at home at short notice (aka somebody just dropped out). Kids, work, cats, cooking, obligations…..usual stuff. But when I was told it was to attend the christening of their new ship in the Bahamas, suddenly all my responsibilities and negative thoughts dried up before my eyes.

Last time I was invited I was convinced it was because they felt sorry for me. That same excuse could still apply. But this time, I’m not going to question their madness. I’m not going to question whether it is right for me to go. I’m not going to feel the need to justify my existence. I’m just going to keep quiet and go and enjoy myself with some new people somewhere hot.

The big party on board the ship is a themed “Pirates of The Caribbean” party. Secretly I am hoping that Johnny Depp will be on board to promote his new film. I am imagining our intimate chat – the one in which he tells me all about how his relationship with the stunningly beautiful Vanessa is over and that he is looking for an older woman with cellulite. He may possibly at this point tell me how attractive he finds a woman who can put her foot behind her head and I might be brave enough to have a go.

You see? What were they thinking. I am a liability.

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14 Comments
Family Affairs

Navigating single parenting and life in London, supported by wine, theatre, travelling and friends.

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HELPING YOUR CHILDREN THROUGH DIVORCE

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LIAM PAYNE: “ONE DIRECTION”

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14 Comments
  • Anna
    January 17, 2011

    Yey! Awesome, awesome, awesome!

    Reply
  • Jennifer Howze
    January 18, 2011

    I’m going too! We’re going to have a great time!

    Reply
  • Laura
    January 18, 2011

    I can’t wait to hear what you get up to and fingers crossed for Jonny Depp! xxx

    Reply
    • Family Affairs
      January 18, 2011

      Thanks Laura – fingers, toes and legs crossed for Johnny – although I am not in anyway implying that I need a wee Lx

      Reply
  • English Mum
    January 18, 2011

    Soooo gutted I couldn’t come. Have a fabulous time, lady! (oh and video the whole Johnny Depp foot behind the head thing, won’t you) xx

    Reply
    • Family Affairs
      January 18, 2011

      Can’t believe you’re not here. Missed you last night when we all took photos of our amazing food Lxx

      Reply
  • Jane Alexander
    January 18, 2011

    I’m thinking how insanely jealous I am!!! Was literally JUST THIS MINUTE looking at our old photos from Florida and weeping with laughter (at the comments mainly)… Oh, bring me back some ears, will ya??!

    Reply
    • Family Affairs
      January 18, 2011

      AAAH sorry darling. What memories – those terrifying pictures on the rides – good grief. Just not the same without you all Lx

      Reply
  • Linda
    January 18, 2011

    This has made my day, week, month you name it – have a wonderful time and drink those journos under the table. xxxx

    Reply
    • Family Affairs
      January 18, 2011

      THANK YOU DARLING. Don’t you worry, I will. Did last night…..Lx

      Reply
  • Samantha Yoga
    August 26, 2011

    Its like you read my mind! You seem to know a lot about this, like you wrote the book in it or something. I think that you can do with a few pics to drive the message home a little bit, but instead of that, this is magnificent blog. A fantastic read. I will certainly be back.

    Reply
  • Cary
    September 16, 2011

    I wish I could have gone. Maybe next year sigh.
    PS – did you meet Johnny Depp? LOL if so pass him my way ha

    Reply