FIFTY SHADES OF GREY REVIEW

I was there! At the first UK showing!! Look that’s the actual invitation above! There I was, at the Universal Pictures UK premiere of Fifty Shades of Grey tonight, expecting to hate every minute of it (although very hopeful that the amazing Sam Taylor Wood wouldn’t let us down as she is super cool) and guess what? It was far better than I thought it would be. VERY good move to get her to direct it and as a result it is beautifully shot and no mention of inner goddesses at all thankfully. The soundtrack is FAB. He is HOT. VERY HOT. She is gorgeous and perfect for the role – cute and funny and very very sexy. It was never going to be easy to please all the millions of people who have read the book, but I think they might have collectively found a way to please most. I wonder if Sam thought about casting her gorgeous husband for the role? That would have been interesting.

Sorry, my photos are all a bit crap but I WAS THERE so I need to show you them:-

Here they were in the cinema just before it started:-

The man himself, not sure about the beard:-

The author:-

Dakota Johnson signing autographs:-

It is indeed “Fifty Shades of Fucked Up” as the beautiful man himself says. Despite criticism about the lack of chemistry between them, I disagree – I thought they worked very well together, they were very sensual at the beginning, personally I would have found it far more erotic without having to enter his “playroom” to be honest, which frankly did nothing for me and probably a lot for domestic abuse, B & Q and other hardware outlets.

Apparently the police and fire brigade have been warned to expect to have to rescue people from compromising positions. Really? Good grief. Although if the tube on the way home was anything to go by, it might have been a good idea to turn one of the carriages into a “get a room”. London Underground ought to get onto that. They could charge to rent out carriages.

So the plot? You all know it – he’s “conflicted” and she’s a virgin with a great giggle. The comic timing works well and even the super awkward scenes were cleverly done – I didn’t think it was overly cheesy in general or too over the top in terms of the porn aspect – I won’t spoil which bits you get to see, but I will say as a 70’s throwback myself that I was very pleased to see a reasonable amount of body hair on Anastasia and you never know – whilst B&Q and Homebase profits go up, with any luck the sale of wax for brazilians will go massively down because girls, come on, it’s a waste of your time and money and VERY PAINFUL and you need to re-educate the boys. Hopefully Christian can do that job for them. He didn’t seem to mind.

The most depressing part of it for me was that Jennifer Ehle – who was in lots of things I used to love is now playing the mother – how old does that make me feel? I didn’t think she looked old enough to be the mother, but what do I know. She advises her daughter on life by saying that things don’t get easier as you get older, but you just get to know yourself better. Maybe that’s true.

There was a lot of whooping and cheering during the film from the girls – especially when he takes off his shirt for the first time, imagine what happened when we first saw his arse! Cinemas are going to have a lot of fun with this one. Lets just hope everyone holds on to the fact that Mr Grey was abused as a child and his behaviour is not in the least bit normal. Or am I now sounding like a mother?