HAIRY ARMPITS AND WHAT TO DO ON YOUR GAP YEAR

Well that was an embarrassing class I’ve just taught. I was wearing a new hoody thingy over my vest top. Black. Halfway through the class when I’d got a bit hot and sweaty I took it off and carried on teaching. We were all facing the mirror and I was at the front. I raised my arms above my head to do a back stretch which everyone copied. To my dismay the black fluffy new bits of the fleece had all amassed into the crevice of each armpit. I looked like I had gorilla armpits. Big black hairy patches with a little bit of chest hair for good measure as well. Suddenly I had to completely change my routine to anything that allowed my arms to be by my sides whilst surreptitiously attempting when possible to scrape off the fluff. Which wouldn’t come off.

In the meantime I had several texts and phone calls from my teenage son that loudly vibrated in the corner. WHAT IS IT WITH TEENAGE BOYS THAT MEANS THAT THEY HAVE TO BE ANSWERED IMMEDIATELY?? If I don’t respond, there is a reason. I’M WORKING. He now has some jobs so thinks the world is supposed to revolve around him. He’s done well so far finding jobs here and there. He’s got a bar job that pays £6.00 an hour which is only just above the minimum wage. Did an event at Madame Tussaud’s the other evening and again, whilst the pay is crap was delighted because after a 10 hour shift he can make a reasonable amount.

“So when are you going on your gap year?” said my youngest son whilst we were all eating together the other day.

“Umm, I’m on it actually” he said.

“What? You are actually on your gap year?? What actually now? Whilst you’re eating baked beans on toast at home?” he asked incredulously. “I thought you were supposed to be on a desert island or something?”.

“Yeah. Well that comes later….when I’ve made some money”.

So today – all day, he is busy making money. Today he has a labouring job. Then he has an hour off before he does a 5 hour shift at the pub this evening. He’s going to be knackered. Thus he was up with all of us for the first time in about two years at 7am which caused havoc with our one bathroom. My other two children were not amused. Then there was much discussion about what he should be wearing and ten minutes of me trying to untie the laces on a pair of shoes he needed. Whether he should take a packed lunch etc. I offered to cook him some eggs “NO I HAVEN’T GOT TIME” he shouted as he left the house with a piece of toast wedged between his teeth. 10 minutes later I got my first text saying “mum, I’ve forgotten a pair of gloves – can you drop some off after you’ve dropped the others at school?”.

God. Yes. OK. Find gloves. Leave 5 minutes earlier in order to do a detour to him.

THEN fifteen minutes later came the second text “mum, can u drop my cigarettes off please?”

“Are u joking?” I said.

“No, the builder smokes and I’ve left them at home – pleeeease”.

Forget it.

Stop smoking.

He was meant to be going to university today. I had it in my diary. His friend has gone without him now and his mother texted me to say how sad he was that my son wasn’t there with him and how bad she felt about leaving him there alone. I discussed it with my son. “Mum, he said” rolling his eyes, “he’s absolutely fine. He’s just sent me a text saying “beer £1.36 and the fittest people I have ever seen”.

All good then.