HOLIDAY DIARY

Quiet weekend. The kids have all arrived safely in Portugal where they are staying all week with their father and new family. Not expecting to hear much from them and better if I try not to call too often so that they can enjoy it without thinking too much about other stuff. Wish I was still on holiday with them though. This time last week I was here:-

DAY 4

God. I hope what I’m doing is recharging my batteries which are clearly so low that I can’t be arsed to do anything at all. It takes all my energy to get off the bloody sunbed and if any of the kids expect me to pass them the sun cream, let alone apply it – well forget it, I just can’t do it. My arms won’t work. Maybe I’m doing an entire re-boot, rather than a recharge. Not yet sure. I have invented a new spray on suncream cubicle to sell to all areas – you walk in, press the level of sun protection you require and have a 30 second all over body spray that avoids all the efforts of lathering copious amounts of cream on ineffectively several times a day. I think it would definitely take off.

I am surprising myself by being spectacularly anti-social. The only people I’ve talked to so far have either been staff or have come out of my body (except son’s GF). If Builder Bloke had been with me he’d have talked to everyone by now and be sitting at the bar amusing them all. I have noticed about four single dad’s with their kids. Two of which seem to have already made friends and are having dinner together every night. Still, it’s because I have all the company I need – my funny gorgeous children and about 85 books.

Am making my decisions based on what colour the Mentos sweets I’m eating are – pink, yellow or orange. All a bit too much effort. Will buy the mint ones tomorrow in order to ensure I get the outcome I want every time.

Finally mustered up the energy to do the “Sunset Stretch” with son’s GF which involved a lot of wobbly standing on one leg. I made the mistake of borrowing my daughter’s cut off short shorts. The venue was outside and in front of a pedestrian path. Not good then when half the poses involved lying on the floor and hugging alternate knees in to chest. I had to keep checking for passing traffic before raising legs in order avoid traumatising any poor unsuspecting people of catching a glimpse of my bits oozing out of the edges. Yuk.

Even worse is that my son took some photos. I was initially quite pleased because I don’t have many photos of me in bendy positions and given that I’m a stretching instructor, it’s something that I’m not too bad at. Could have done a bit of showing off. Sadly, (although I should have known) all the pictures he took were of his girlfriend. He only took one of me and I don’t look like I’m doing anything very strenuous. In fact, I look like I’m either having a little sleep or am in fact dead – like the Ron Muick exhibit “Dead Dad”:-

Here is one of many he took of his girlfriend – I was just in front of her – would have been a good picture:-

But instead, this was the only one of me:-

Rubbish. Not one I’m going to be able to put in my professional album.