Last night I talked a lot with my friend about her brother who is going through a very acrimonious divorce. His wife had an affair and their marriage broke up as a result. He was gutted. I’m sure he still loves her.
Both he and his wife work, but for some reason he didn’t get 50/50 access to their two children. This is killing him. He also seems to have to do everything exactly by the book or she makes it difficult for him to see the children.
He has decided to leave his very high flying job. I personally think this is a bad idea. My friend thinks I only think it is a bad idea because I can empathise with his ex-wife. But it’s not that. He loves his job, he just doesn’t want to have to pay most of it to his ex-wife. I can completely understand why he is doing it, but I imagine it is the last remaining bit of control he feels he has to hurt her with. She has gone into a blind panic at the thought of him not being able to pay her and the children’s monthly maintenance. So who loses out in the end? Possibly the children because their parents relationship will get even worse, she will do her utmost to deprive him of the children (or move away) and he will not have achieved anything. In addition, because he is so traumatised, whilst the idea of “travelling” for a while does seem appealing, I suspect without any anchors left in his life, he will sink even further into that big dark hole.
Another male friend of mine found out his wife was having an affair with one of the workmen doing their house up because when he used their car one particularly misty night, all he could see were two sets of footprints on the inside of the car windscreeen. Small feet pointing up. Big feet pointing down. How do you explain that one?
Lehners in France
June 28, 2008It’s good to hear the other side. Your friends brother sounds as upset as my friends ex husband. He had private detectives following her, it got very nasty, yet he loved her dearly.
As for the feet prints in the car! Could there be an explaination? If so I’d love to hear it. Debs x
By the way I have an award over at mine for you.
family affairs
June 28, 2008The explanation was “yes, I was having sex with another man in your car”. Lx
ciara
June 28, 2008hi-came by way of debs. divorce sucks, and it sucks even more with children. it’s funny because i, too, am going through a child support battle w my ex. he was making lots of money, but quit his job because he said he was about to get fired. do i believe him? prob not. so now he’s trying to reduce after i just got an increase about 6 months ago. he has not paid me in two months even though he’s been working his new job for awhile and has been living with his girlfriend for about 2 years. he is also battling his first ex-wife, who he happened to get back with 10 months into our separation, on child support issues as well. all the while though, we both (his first ex and me) actually don’t hold that against him when it comes to visitation. i did move out of state about 4 yrs ago when i got remarried, but i made sure that i gave him as much time as i could. he gets 9-10 wks a yr which is more than most father’s get in the same situation (on the avg two weeks per summer and maybe some holidays). his other ex lives in vegas, too, so he’s able to see his son more often. on top of him being in court or whatever w us both, he had another baby a year ago w the current girlfriend. don’t know if that woman will every smarten up LOL
but what i’m getting at is i think it’s bull when women don’t let there exes see their kids and vice versa. no matter how much you may dislike your ex, that is still your child/ren’s parent, and those kids need that. your friend’s brother’s ex is definitely a selfish you-know-what. for her, it’s all about what’s in it for her. she uses the children as pawns for her gain, and that really makes me sick. i’m trying to figure out how she got everything and he didn’t get 50/50 (or at least a good amount of time).
and wow…that whole footprint incident w your male friend. i don’t even know what to say about that one.
Mini-et-Moi
June 29, 2008Just came across your site and it makes compulsive reading! Thanks for being so brutally honest – there are lots of lessons to be had.
family affairs
June 29, 2008Bloody hell, Ciara, your situation sounds incredibly complicated…but you’re right, I don’t know why he didn’t get 50/50.
Thanks for leaving a comment mini-et-moi x
The Dotterel
June 29, 2008There are more things to life than money – and if, in the end, it means more access to the kids, it will all be for the best…
family affairs
June 29, 2008I agree with that wholeheartedly Dotteral – maybe it will be all OK then. Lx