We managed to give my lovely, wonderful, inspirational, clever, funny, brilliant father a fantastic send off on Friday. Not only would he have been proud of us all he would have loved to have been there:-
What an emotional day we had. The appalling weather conditions with all that snow meant everything became more difficult. People had to work very hard to get there. Some couldn’t make it. But all things considered, his Memorial service felt exactly right. Not too long and very personal. My children and my niece were amazing. They read out the letter they wrote to him just days before he died:-
Dear GF
You’re caring, funny and always so positive. We’ll never forget our trips to visit you which involved easter egg hunts, fishing,camping and swimming and also the numerous holidays we’ve all been on together – Menorca, France, skiing and seeing you in Africa which we all knew meant a lot to you.
We’d just like to say thank you for everything you’ve done for us and you have been the best grand father we could have ever asked for. We loved hearing your fantastic stories about your childhood in Africa and your life in general. We loved going to the new forest for your 70th birthday it was an honour to be there and celebrate it with you.
Thank you for everything you’ve done for us and we all feel so proud to be your grand children
All our love xxx
Well, you can imagine how that set off the whole congregation. I managed to get through my 15 minute tribute. Not sure how. We sang songs and listened to one of his favourite songs very loudly – “Pata Pata” by Miriam Makeba – a family favourite.
Then we all went back to my lovely friend’s house who had SO kindly let us use her house – she is currently renting it from a well known celebrity so it provided ample room for all of us. There was tea and champagne and food. By the time the children came back from school most of us were already dancing and being a bit loud. By midnight we had managed to get through more than 60 bottles of champagne. He would have loved the party. So sad though that he wasn’t there with us in the flesh. It wasn’t the same, but my brother blew up the above photo of him that we put in a frame and he sat on the side watching us with his wry smile – almost like he was there with us.
My mother has already gone home. Exhausted. I think she needs some quiet time now. My house is ridiculously busy with many children about. All a bit too much for her. I hope she’ll be back soon.
Now I need to lie down for the next two weeks in a darkened room.
Or maybe I need to get up, do 85 loads of washing, feed the kids, get them to school, get back to work, start focusing on my son’s interview later this week at OXFORD!!, start thinking about where the Christmas decorations are, about buying a tree, about my son’s 18th birthday in a couple of weeks, about friends arriving from abroad, about parties, about what’s happening with us all for Christmas, about, about, about.
Life.
Sometimes, perhaps its a good thing that it gets in the way of grief.
The only bit my mother wanted us to add to the service was a poem by Joyce Grenfell which we put on the back that said:-
“Weep if you must,
Parting is Hell,
But life goes on,
So sing as well”.
Chris
December 5, 2010Sounds like a wonderful day…… your dad would have been proud of you all. Thats what we would a all want a few tears but then loads of laughter and great stories. xx
Family Affairs
December 5, 2010I agree. It was most certainly a celebration….just missing the key guest! Weird. Lx
Expat Mum
December 5, 2010Glad you had a good day. My kids used to sing Pata Pata along with Miriam when they were younger. I love that song.
Family Affairs
December 5, 2010Thanks – glad you love that song too xx
kelloggsville
December 5, 2010wonderful, well done, what a fantastic set of memories to pin onto an already wonderful relationship. Beautiful closure to help you smile with love and pride at every remembrance.
I think it may be helpful to plan a bit of time in for yourself too amongst the whirlwind of life that is about to happen. Sometimes you also need some still time to allow yourself to find the peace within yourself in losing your father.
xxx
Family Affairs
December 5, 2010You are right. Not sure how I’m going to fit it in but I need to, I know Lx
Paddy Doubleday
December 6, 2010One of those days that you do not have to remember. It simply stays with you deep in your heart forever. It was the beautifulness of it that remains. The love from us all of a truly unique man who we all came together to honour. He was a gem. S told me during one chat on the phone how your father had said to her that he could cope with the illness and all the losses that accompanied it but what he could not cope with, was hearing her sobbing on the sofa. After that she would disappear to the loo to shed tears of anguish at the imminent loss of her man. I tried without succcess during the extra perfect memorial to stem my tears, but they just kept on coursing, albeit silently. I hope he would not have minded. We just miss him so much. Thankyou, all for his Memorial. Each and everyone of you are chips off the old block! We salute you!
Thank you to your friends for welcoming us and enveloping us all in your amazing rented home.
Family Affairs
December 6, 2010Thanks Paddy – kind words. Thank you for being there. Lx
karen
December 7, 2010Pata Pata is an amazing song for such an occasion – great choice! I’m so glad it went really well and it truly sounds as if it was very fitting for your dad, from what I’ve read on the blog!
Family Affairs
December 7, 2010Yes, fitting indeed x