I am having a moment. Another one.
My blog, or more specifically my writing, is still under fire and I’ve been told to think very carefully about my obsession with divorce and the damage it is doing to my children. To be honest, I don’t believe I have to think too hard about that – I have already given it much thought. I write a blog about my life, which happens to be about a single divorced parent and all that goes with it and I don’t believe that constitutes an obsession. Neither do I think my children are being damaged. However, the constant criticism is exhausting me. So I am going to do exactly what I’ve been asked to do, take the advice and go away to think about it for a minute.
Anyway, it’s probably a good thing to have a bit of a break. It can be tiring this bloody blogging and sometimes it can get in the way of other things. The blog (which I love most of the time) has in itself frustrated me of late, not only because of the complicated personal stuff I can’t write about but because I get more invites to advertise and review things and I just don’t know what to do about it all.
Take for example yesterday. I had over 1000 hits on my blog – this happens quite regularly these days and can depend not only on the subject matter but on what day of the week it is – Monday is the day that most people check in and catch up. That level of hits is WAY more than I used to get when I started and yet, at the moment, I get barely any comments.
I am supposed to understand social media these days. I even give talks on the subject now, but there still seems to be no concrete answers about what does and does not succeed and to be honest I am as puzzled as the next person about what the secret is. Perhaps there isn’t one. Perhaps it’s just luck or timing. Perhaps I am supposed to add more links and advertise and tweet more and start my Facebook page and promote everything more but it’s all so very confusing and yes, I’ll get more hits, but to be honest I’d take the comments any day.
Anyway, I have to keep reminding myself that I started my blog as a hobby and as a cheap form of counselling – the fact that I’m having to be counselled about my blog is quite funny really (in a scary strange sort of way).
So if there is anyone reading this out there who has not accidentally popped in and has managed to read this far, perhaps you could share your thoughts on my social media conundrum. How do you compose the perfect tweet? Is there such a thing? The one that gets re-tweeted over and over again? Apparently 90% of tweets are never retweeted and just get lost in the mass. Does having millions of followers mean that your tweet gets noticed more? I have been told that I can pay to have new Twitter followers – what is the point of that? They wouldn’t be interested in anything I write because it is not relevant, although I do know that there are competitions going amongst the rich and famous to get more followers than the next one – is that healthy? Or relevant to advertisers? According to some new social media research it doesn’t necessarily relate into selling products or being a brand influencer because it’s difficult to know who you are talking to most of the time. Gwyneth Paltrow is on to a good thing. She is obviously already hugely well known and people are fascinated in her life and happy to buy into it. She is slowly but surely turning herself into a brand for life. She’s got a website and is spreading her areas of interest into food, makeup, lifestyle stuff. Good plan. But the only problem is you have to be as famous as her in order to do it.
These days I get emails about all sorts of things. I have become an expert in “Labyrinthitis” due to the fact that sufferers have googled the problem, found my post and then contacted me. The posts that gets the most hits are random ones I’ve written about big bums, hairy nipples and willies. I get emails saying “I love your blog, but you would have many more hits if you link to our porn website”. Don’t tempt me. Perhaps that should be my new way forward. I have put a test post below this one. I guarantee that post will bring in more hits.
What about advertising on blogs? Do you think it affects how and what you write? Should you mention brand names in your posts? I would love, for example to post the photograph of my son and all his mates posing, as if in a school rugby photo outside their school completely naked with just a can of K Cider each to hide their nether regions. It’s hilarious and would be a brilliant advertising campaign for K cider (as would the tattoo on his arse), but that isn’t the same as agreeing to have a can of K Cider sitting on the sidebar of my blog at all times.
So I’m just going to shuffle quietly out of the door and slink away for a minute. ALTHOUGH I WILL KILL YOU ALL IF, WHEN I COME BACK, YOU HAVEN’T EVEN NOTICED I’VE GONE. I am of course expecting at least 5 comments to be waiting for me. Perhaps I’d better send some to myself, just in case.
Back soon x
Muddling Along
July 27, 2011How to drive traffic? Perhaps threaten to leave? I don’t know and am not even sure I want the answer
What I do know is that if I had to furiously self edit everything I posted I’d never be able to post anything and I’d probably stop (and then be incredibly resentful of having to stop)
Wish I had the answer…
Family Affairs
July 27, 2011Two more already!! OK OK really am going now xx
Eclipse
July 27, 2011Have a nice blog holiday, it’s probably a good thing and I definitely think you should write more about hairy nipples 😉 Seriously tho, I have no idea how to drive traffic and refuse to use twitter mostly on the basis that updating my FB status is hard enough without trying to be witty in 140 characters. Hopefully see you back again soon 🙂 x
Dumdad
July 27, 2011Enjoy your time out. There is no point writing a blog if you don’t like what you’re doing. I read your blog from time to time but I know you never (or rarely) read mine. No worries about that. On my old Blogger blog I used to get 100 hits plus a day. At the start of this year I closed that I started a new WordPress blog just for a change. I get about 50 hits a day. If I only got 5 hits a day, including the cat, I wouldn’t care – I write the blog for me and my family;
Family Affairs
July 27, 2011I do I do read your blog!!
Dumdad
July 27, 2011Oi! I hadn’t finished writing that comment (or correcting it) when it was whisked away from me! I’m on Facebook, and recently started twittering although I don’t really “get” it. Anyway, you must do as you feel as regards blogging. I regard my blogging as like writing a diary and one day I might re-read what I’ve written or my children might. Or might not. Ultimately, it’s not that important. Hope you have a great holiday wherever you’re going.
Family Affairs
July 27, 2011Thanks xx
'm'
July 27, 2011I have no idea how all the tweeting/re-tweeting thing works at all, but am looking into it at the moment for a project I am working on. I’ll let you know if I fathom it all out. Methinks there is/are people out there creating jobs for themselves with all this – which will benefit no-one, but themselves.
I can understand the need to take a rest, but, and if those that are trying to quash you read this….I know you, I know your ex (dammit I was at the wedding!)…It is entirely wrong that he should seek to censor you like this. I do not for one moment think it is harming the children
With regard to advertising; it’s another aspect I am researching at the moment. If, you accept advertising – and believe in or approve of the product and that children/animals/adults were/are not harmed in the process of its’ production…e.g. it is basically ethical – and that you warn/advise the advertiser that their placement will not in anyway influence what you write. Then what harm is there in it? I think sometimes ‘one’ over-analyses these situations….were are all too scared to be seen to be doing the wrong thing – that we actually stop thinking about what is truly right, and/or indeed, wrong!
I shall still be checking in from time to time….x
Family Affairs
July 27, 2011Thanks – couldn’t resist checking and already three comments!! (well two from Dumdad, but nevermind) Yay. Now I really am not going to look again for a while. Lxx
kelloggsville
July 27, 2011did you want to drive traffic? Is that why you are here? Oh! I thought it was just you and me had a (almost) sole commenter thing going on. I had already decided to tell my husband about you and everything LOL. If you decide to go all corporate good luck. I suggest you start up a McLinky thing that runs once a week to drive traffic through your site, tweet out about your posts at least once an hour and run with twitter like you are the queen of it, you also need to do a number of giveaways that people can only enter if they retweet your give-away and ‘like’ your facebook page. Unfortunately it also means that the majority of your posts have to become faceless, lightweight and clearly aimed at a market. This for me is a downside. The upside for you will be fame and fortune LOL Have a nice break. I have followed your ups and down for a long time and felt a friendship (of bloggy sorts) form from Dubai, I’ll miss you being around so stay in touch (I’ll be hanging around twitter watching your rise!) x
k
July 27, 2011surely we have a freedom of speech something in our constitution (wait we’re not in america) but there must be something that is equivalent in the UK. To put your side of the story may seem unfair to your ex but to use the excuse that it is harming your children is weak. It seems to me that he simply does not like how he is portrayed and it should be pointed out to him that if he hadn’t had an affair there would be nothing to write about.
Hope you have a good rest and come back soon.
p.s. sorry i’ve not commented before – am a very bad read and runner
Karin
July 27, 2011Don’t know anything about social media, driving traffic, tweets. I don’t even have a blog – but I happened upon yours one day and have kept reading because I am a divorced mom of two, adjusting to life, and appreciate your perspective (and, you’re darned entertaining!). As for the rest of it, I guess it depends on you and your goals. I can’t see how blogging has any negative impact for your kids, but a stressed mom could. Peace, and enjoy your blog vacation.
Family Affairs
July 29, 2011Thanks and perspeciive slowly resuming I think Lx
Miranda
July 27, 2011We shall miss you and we’ll be waiting for your return! xx
Chris
July 28, 2011Always check in tho I dont always comment, it is a difficult situation for you its a shame your ex ever found out about the blog. I am a bit like Dumdad its just recording your thoughts and can see how it was your way of getting through things. I am sure it isnt doing any damage to your kids and the last time I looked it was a free country. However when pressure gets bad it is sometimes a good idea to stand back and chill so with that in mind have a good break, will check in regularly to see how you are doing and will definetly be here when you return xx
ps that kick boxing ability is awesome!!!!
Family Affairs
July 29, 2011Thanks and all good to know x
Leelee
July 28, 2011Don’t go!!! I promise to start leaving comments! I didn’t realize they were so important! I’ve been a daily reader since the post about getting stuck in the bathroom and bb getting you out somehow! Do you remember that one? How long ago was that? I love your blog! I’m like you. I feel as though we share a common view of the world even though we live thousands of miles apart and have very different lives. I so hope you can find your way back to your blog! I will miss it (you) terribly!
QldDeb
July 28, 2011I’m sad to hear you’re not going to be writing for a while, I love your blog (even if I don’t comment enough!). I understand, I’ve been reading for a long time, and the blog has changed lately, it’s been clear that there has been a lot of self censoring due to your circumstances.
Sad that everyone can’t move on and let others be, but that is human nature, unfortunately.
Have a great break and please come back soon!
Family Affairs
July 29, 2011Yes, it’s very hard to find my own voice amongst all this without on the one hand upsetting anyone and on the other being boring Lx
Lynda
July 28, 2011I’m really pleased- I actually know what twitter is!
The fewer comments despite more hits is interesting. I probably read your blog most days but rarely leave a comment.I am not good at short and pithy and I have an absolute horror of making spelling or grammatical mistakes (heaven only knows why as I don’t care if anyone else does, although I do hate text speak) so I often start to comment and then delete rather than click on the send button. I don’t know what anyone else’s reason is.
I think your ex is wrong about the children being damaged by your blog.It comes across that you are a normal mother that loves her kids and as K says – he had the affair that led to the divorce and ultimately the blog. The second marriage must be a bit of a dud if they spend their time trying to censor you. Keep checking- they’ll probably start a rival one up soon – all in text speak. No way I’d read that!
Family Affairs
July 29, 2011Ha ha and thanks xx
alice
July 28, 2011hi!
l’m back but indifferent place
luv Alice (fff)
Family Affairs
July 29, 2011OK, I;’ll be over when I’m back to say hi and look forward to it! Lx
Jaz
July 28, 2011I hope that you had happy holidays (persuming you really do log on and check comments after the hols!).
I completely understand the need to take a break, it must be a TOTALLY frustating situation and unhelpfully I have no idea what I would do. It really is like keeping a written diary to vent all your daily angsts in, if you knew that someone looked under your pillow every day and read it, then it just couldn’t possibly written with the same honesty.
I find the lack of adverts really refreshing on your site btw!
Many best wishes,
Jaz
Family Affairs
July 29, 2011Thanks Jaz and I am noting all the comments about lack of advertising! Lx
Expat Mum
July 28, 2011I’ve just come back from 5 weeks away, although I managed to do a little blogging. Im now trying to decide how much I want to dive back in as it’s very time-consuming and I often question my motives.
Have a nice break and keep in touch.
Family Affairs
July 29, 2011You can’t stop either xx
Working Mum
July 28, 2011On the subject of increasing traffic: Do you really want to be more commercial with your blog? Why? I must admit that I have stopped reading the blogs that are covered in adverts or where every other post is sponsored. It may be what they want to do, and that’s their decision, but I just want to read interesting content. A bit like the difference between BBC and ITV; give me BBC anytime (go on, admit it, you record ITV programmes so you can ff the adverts too!)
On your blog break: I would hate to be hounded about my blog content so a break may be an answer, but remember, it is your blog, your life, your side of the story and your children seem to be fine. I bet they live in a more techy social media world than your husband and understand your blog better than he does. Unless someome passes a law to prevent exes from writing their side of a story (and with the recent court case, I don’t think that’s coming any time soon) you should not be bullied into stopping. However, a break may give you a renewed enthusiasm for writing. Let’s hope so.
WM x
Family Affairs
July 29, 2011Thanks WM and the break is doing just that – giving me a little head space to remind myself how much i love it!!! Lx
sian
July 28, 2011I have never commented before, but am an avid reader! Please, please, please don’t go away for long. I look for your posts everyday. As another single Mum with kids around the same age, you make me think and even better make me laugh. I know nothing about Twitter and such like, but if what you need is comments to stick around then I promise I will start to comment constantly, (you will get sick of me!)
A “fan” from Canada
Family Affairs
July 29, 2011YAY yes please, comment away!!! Lx
patty
July 29, 2011don’t be gone too long 🙂
Potty Mummy
July 29, 2011Can’t help you on the social meja thing; I do use twitter (as you know) but am not sure I really make it work for me, and as for reaching the heady heights of 1000 hits a day, if only (any tips on how to do that gratefully received, although I’m afraid I will draw the line at replicating your current situation – living in Moscow is stress enough in itself!).
Enjoy your blog break in any case – and what are you doing reading this? I thought you were meant to be stepping away from t’internet… 😉 x
Family Affairs
August 3, 2011Ha ha, you’re right, can’t quite resist taking a sneaky peak at the comments! Thanks for yours x
HS
July 29, 2011Intriguing that you are still getting criticism about YOUR blog and YOUR take on things. Hasn’t that person/people got better things to do I wonder?
Anyway my thoughts
Don’t accept advertising.. it’s like getting a tattoo or a piercing for your 40th… predictable and boring.
If the blog is a chore, then neglect it for a while and return to it when you can be bothered or need the catharsis.
I am not convinced by Twitter, I think there are insufficient characters to really be anything other than superficial. What I enjoy about blogs, and yours in particular is the reflective observations of the ordinary things that constitute parenting and family life.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do. I would be sad to see your voice smothered.
Shiny
July 30, 2011Oh how exceedingly complex. I hope you find a suitable way out of this in which you’re comfortable. I’m in awe as to how you actually have been continuing – I self-censor even though I have nobody watching over my shoulder! Please come back soon. You and your blog are loved x
fd
August 2, 2011Enjoy your break!
For what its worth: I have no problems with adverts on blogs, I think its fair that bloggers who put time and effort into what they do would find easy ways to earn a bit of money doing it. I find promotional or sponsored posts kind of dull and particularly annoying when they’re not clearly labelled as such. I start to get confused between real reviews and paid/perk’d reviews and start not trusting either.