It’s Easter Monday and also the first anniversary of my mother’s death, but it’s pretty unlikely that she’s going to be rising from the dead any time soon. We like to think of her reunited with our father – her […]
I’m sitting in a freezing cold house. My boiler has broken down – on the coldest day of the last 10 years. Bloody typical. Weirdly, its issues like this that slightly tip me over the edge of my usual just-about-can-do-it-all-single-mother-coping-mechanisms. […]
I’m grieving for my mother, now that we’ve had the funeral, which took a huge amount of time and effort to pull together (which was a good thing because you have no time to sit and think). The photo above […]
A Love That Never Dies is an important new documentary that is being released into UK cinemas from the 18th May. Lovingly made by the parents of their son Josh who died in a road accident in South East Asia […]
I miss my father. We all do. It’s not been at all easy for my mother who feels the enormous space he’s left behind so hugely. She hasn’t been able to fill it with very much else and it hurts […]
“When I see a rainbow, I’ll think of you and all the colour, joy and love you brought to the people around you. You are special and don’t you every forget that”. Shortly after writing my last post about being […]
My Grandmother died a few days ago. She was 100 years old so we are being fairly philosophical about it – you can’t live forever, although it did seem, at times like she might. Her death has certainly not taken […]
“We are free… I can say what I think. We are lucky, privileged, so why not make use of it?” How sad that she’s died – that said she did live to a ripe old age of 94. I have […]
The only good thing that I can think of about dying before your time is that you get a good turn out at your funeral - and even that isn't a massive advantage for the recipient unless of course you believe that they are already hovering above enjoying the scene.... Take my Grandmother for example - she is going to be 100 in October and I really hope she makes it. Amazing eh? However, she will have absolutely no friends at her funeral - all dead. She has even managed to outlive one of her children. I'm already dreading an empty room. Seems so awful somehow to not have a full house of friends and family to give thanks for your life.... That said, I'd far rather be her than our lovely family friend who died recently. Her London memorial (she had a service in HK and a buddhist ceremony on the river in Thailand) was last Friday. She was the most beautiful woman you could ever meet - "both inside and out" as my mother always used to say. In fact she also used to say "if she wasn't so lovely I would hate her because she's far too beautiful to be my friend". She died tragically, aged 69 from a fatal illness. So unfair. The service was wonderful. Just as it should be for her, beautiful, moving, peaceful and with a touch of humour thrown in for good measure - just what she would have wanted. Her beautiful granddaughter who shocked me when she stood up because she looked so like her sang "Ave Verum" with a choir and it was one of the most beautiful things I have ever heard. She reduced the entire audience to tears (if they weren't already). She's left behind her gorgeous husband, her three children and many grandchildren as well as lots of old family friends like us who all grew up together in Hong Kong and had such wonderful memories to share. She was my favourite of all my mother's friends - she was the one who talked to me like I was an adult when I wasn't quite there yet, who made the effort to keep in touch when I left home, met me for coffee in London, kept an eye on us all after our father died, did as much as she could for my mother in her grief. She was the woman with the biggest heart. With enough time for everyone. She was always on the go and never sat still for a minute - flitting across the globe at a moment's notice. She was happy to share her last penny with anyone and everyone and so the choice for one of the readings was entirely fitting and a good reminder for us all about what it means to give. ON GIVING Then said a rich man, "Speak to us of Giving." And he answered: You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. There are those who give little of the much which they have - and they give it for recognition and their hidden desire makes their gifts unwholesome. And there are those who have little and give it all. These are the believers in life and the bounty of life, and their coffer is never empty. There are those who give with joy, and that joy is their reward. And there are those who give with pain, and that pain is their baptism. And there are those who give and know not pain in giving, nor do they seek joy, nor give with mindfulness of virtue; It is well to give when asked, but it is better to give unasked, through understanding; And to the open-handed the search for one who shall receive is joy greater than giving And is there aught you would withhold? All you have shall some day be given; Therefore give now, that the season of giving may be yours and not your inheritors'. From "THE PROPHET" by Kahlil Gibran 1883-1931 a Lebanese poet and philosopher ...and then there was another reading that also moved me to tears - all about Friends and of course it's at times like this, whilst you sit and grieve for her and those she has left behind, you also take the time to sit and reflect about how lucky you have been that you've had good friends that have supported you through very difficult times - huge swathes of time that raced by during which my friends and family were there supporting and cajoling along the way with some sort of invisible safety net and now it's my turn to help other friends who are in difficult situations for various reasons - the ebb and flow of life - it's so important to remember how much we all need each other:- FAREWELL MY FRIENDS It was beautiful as long as it lasted The journey of my life. I have no regrets whatsoever save the pain I'll leave behind. those dear hearts who love and care.. and the strings pulling at the heart and soul. The strong arms that held me up when my own strength let me down. At every turning of my life I came across good friends, friends who stood by me, even when the time raced me by. Farewell, farewell my friends I smile and bid you goodbye. No, shed no tears for I need them not all I need is your smile. If you feel sad do think of me for that's what I'll like. When you live in the hearts of those you love, remember then you never die. Rabindrath Tagore 1861-1941
In the Evening Standard tonight, as I sat on the train on the way home from work, the photograph of a 13 year old girl, Suhair al-Bata positively shone out of the page. She is now dead at the age […]
I don’t want to go into too much detail here – my son is a friend of Jack Beeston, Richard’s son, but I did just want to say how very tragic it is for his family to have lost a […]
