happy

So, what does it mean to be a mother? Everything. When they were younger, it was the hardest job in the world. I put a lot of effort and energy into their development (short of sitting on the floor building lego castles and hanging around in playgrounds). Not really sure what that effort did specifically entail, but as any SAHM knows, they managed to fill up our time very successfully. Suddenly they day had disappeared, their father was coming home and I was exhausted. Getting through those early years was tough. Any of you going through that bit now should really listen to those older women who say the time disappears in a flash - because it's true. It does. I still hold my childrens hand sometimes, when no one they know is looking but now it's my hand that is the smallest in the family and that feels strange. I still have a 12 year old boy, so my child rearing years have not disappeared completely yet, but trust me, if you do one thing to make the time with your children easier - remember to enjoy it. It goes SO fast, it's ridiculous. Especially if somewhere in the middle there you have to go through divorce - I weep sometimes for the bits I missed during that time. Anyway, the upside of divorce is that my children have always had to step up for birthday's, Christmas, Mother's Day and do stuff for themselves. No more spectacularly is it done than by my immensely thoughtful youngest son. He actually took me out for dinner last night - to Wagamama's! Paid for my main course. How lovely is that? (even if my wine cost more than my main course). We had a lovely evening and this morning... LOOK what he made me for breakfast this morning - IN BED!! With the most gorgeous, heartfelt, handwritten letter:- That boy is going to go far. If nothing else, he will make the most amazing partner to somebody very lucky. My firstborn sent me a lovely card, thanking me for everything I have done for him and daughter has bought me some flowers and given me her usual voucher for coffee at The Wolsely. I am to be Queen for a day. Yay. Those of us who are lucky enough to be mothers have the most difficult and best job in the world. I wrote last week about how quiet my house it when they are away:- Everything was in the same place that I left it The house was clean and tidy There was food in the fridge I had mountains of milk There were no arguments It was eerily quiet My mascara was where I left it My Top Shop jumper was where I left it I could find my Ugg boots There was no mess in the kitchen and no tea bags in the sink The lights were all off when I get home The TV was silent All the beds were made   BUT   It all felt empty and sad. Too quiet. Not natural. I am supremely grateful for the messy life that they give me - for the arguments and the noise and the missing mascara and the stress and the lack of clothes and the cold feet (missing Uggs)....because one day, my job will be over and they will flee the nest and then I am going to have to find a way to either replicate the noise or get used to the silence - perhaps I will rent my house out to flash mobs or circus troops or maybe a zoo, because the silence will be deafening and life will be too ordered and I am not ready for that. I wouldn't change what we've got for the world. HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO YOU ALL AND OF COURSE A HUGE THANK YOU TO MY OWN MOTHER FOR BEING THE BEST MOTHER EVER IN THE WORLD!! Separate post to come about that....