Sorry, without wanting to appear desperately sexist, I thought I’d share with you another email I recently received from a girlfriend. I’ve seen it before, but it’s quite funny:-
DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN’S PERSONAL ADS
40-ish – 49
Adventurous – Slept with everyone
Athletic – No tits
Average looking – Ugly
Beautiful – Pathological liar
Contagious Smile – Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure – On medication
Feminist – Fat
Free spirit – Junkie
Friendship first – Former very *friendly* person
Fun – Annoying
New Age – Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded – Desperate
Outgoing – Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate – Sloppy drunk
Professional – Bitch
Voluptuous – Very Fat
Large frame – Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate – Stalker
WOMEN’S ENGLISH
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you’ll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you’re in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You’re very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?
MEN’S ENGLISH
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let’s have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I’d like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I’d like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes don’t go with that outfit = I’m gay
And finally…..
A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on
where they are in their menstrual cycle.
For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.
However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with
scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.
Dumdad
September 29, 2008I’ve seen this before but always worth another outing. And how true!
Word verification: chauvinistpig
Grit
September 29, 2008i’ve not seen these before, so i can laugh out loud first time around! thank you for posting them!
Working mum
September 29, 2008Ha Ha! I hadn’t seen these before either, but I recognise a few.
Last one made me LOL!
Suzysoo
September 29, 2008Bloody funny! I just laughed my head off and woke 3 dogs and a child up!!
Fat, frumpy and fifty...
September 30, 2008just what the doctor wouldve ordered for me if i had gone..