Beginning to feel a teeny bit Christmassy after my trip to Sloane Square where I love the lights:-
Nevertheless I am feeling a little bit here we go again-ish.. The countdown to yet another massively disorganised Christmas. I thought it might help to write down as a single parent, my top 10 tips for surviving Christmas, because there are a few things that have helped me hugely over the years. Some of it does get easier, this coping with Christmas as a single parent thing and mostly that has to do with letting go. I have learnt to cheat wherever possible. I don’t have anyone to help carry home a Christmas tree and chop off all the annoying bits that stop it from fitting in the holder so instead of fretting and doing it myself, I have bought a fake tree. Which the children hate. But LONG LIVE TREES I say. I do not need to kill a tree this year.
Our own and our children’s expectations of happiness at Christmas time can be huge and consequently it can be tough enough getting through the festive period when you fit into a “normal” nuclear family unit, but when you are a single parent, it’s even tougher. I know Christmas can very often be tough for many of us and the imagery we are peddled has a lot to answer for – all that gorgeous fantasy of happy families…so rarely the reality. How often, for example do you see images of children rushing into their parents bedroom, only to be greeted by one smiling parent?
This year, I have my children on Christmas day. They will be with their father and his new wife and her kids on Christmas eve and then come to me on Christmas morning. This solution has worked well for us – each year one has them Xmas eve and Xmas morning and the other has them for the remainder of Xmas day. This works well because we both then see them on Christmas day which has been important – especially for the kids. It’s not ideal, obviously, but that’s life – I still find the whole thing painful and sad, even if there is not the same heart stabbing pain of those first few Christmases away from the children.
But I am definitely maturing because this year I am just happy to have them and to spend time with them and many other members of my family (I’m cooking for 12). I don’t even care that I haven’t got anyone special to buy me a huge present, I am just happy that we will all be together (and I’m going to buy myself a present in lieu – because apparently that’s what single people do).
So my top 10 tips?
1.Look on the bright side – this will be your Christmas with your rules.
2. You don’t have to hang out with your in-laws
3.Keep it simple – cheat as much as you can with the food, unless you love cooking
4.Drink loads
5,Invite friends round – make it different from your previous family Christmas’s – embrace make dysfunctional the new functional wherever possible. Be creative – if you don’t have your kids on Christmas day, do a big meal on Christmas eve or Boxing day instead.
6.Wrap up a present or two for yourself if you feel you want to have something to open (yes, I know it’s a bit sad, but at least you’ve got what you want for a change!)
7.Try not to battle too much over the children – sometimes easier said than done, but if you can share them then the kids will have a better Christmas.
8.Try to share the presents for the kids so that they don’t get too many (that said, we don’t do that anymore as he’s remarried and of course the kids would argue that it is one of the small perks of divorce – that and double holidays)
9.Just try and let go of all your expectations about life – lots of other families won’t be finding things any easier for various reasons
10.Live Laugh Love – make that the motto of the day and just try and enjoy it and if you are struggling, come round to my house!
They’re not a particularly practical list but I hope some of the advice helps – what other top tips does anyone have that would be helpful?
Mums do travel
December 10, 2013Lucy, my husband is threatening to give me lightbulbs for Christmas (don’t ask) so I think I may take your advice and buy myself a present!
Another tip I’d add if you’re cooking for so many is to give everyone a job and tell them in advance. So one person can bring the mince pies, someone else the Christmas pudding etc etc. We host Christmas for both sides of our extended family (usually around 15-20 people) and that’s what we do and it works really well.
Family Affairs
December 11, 2013Good idea – I’ve started the “who is doing what” list already but thanks L x
DD's Diary
December 11, 2013I’ve been threatening my children with a fake tree for several years now and it does seem to help them focus on the important things at Xmas – i.e. hoovering up those blimmin pine needles before I go mental x
Debs
December 14, 2013Love the list, many can be equally applied to a married couple’s Christmas, especially Nos 3 and 4!
Family Affairs
December 15, 2013Thanks and yes, that’s true!
Suburbia
December 29, 2013Still coming to terms with missing mine in the holidays
Tall Girl has threatened me with also rats if I bring home a fake tree!
Family Affairs
December 30, 2013I know but just think how much spare money for presents you will have for them if you invest in a fake tree….that usually helps persuade them. Lx