As it was my only day off this week I and my two older children went in to central London. I’m not really sure why. I wanted to go to an exhibition but they didn’t, my daughter wanted to spend 5 hours in Top Shop but my son didn’t and my son wanted to …. I’m not really sure what he wanted to do, apart from go home the moment we got there.
We had lunch. We talked. But more in little individual monologues than dialogue. I’m not sure we managed to find a topic of conversation that we could all participate in without one of us falling off our chair with boredom. The topics (and I’m sure it’s easy enough to work out who brought up what) included:
The impending Newcastle Vs Sunderland football match (yawn)
The new Fable 2 Xbox game (yawn again)
The girl on the next table’s fab red shiny shoes
The man on another table’s really dodgy hair
The High School Musical film we have to see this weekend
Homework
The global financial meltdown (watch their eyes glaze over)
The African charity and how to raise some money
Birthday and Christmas presents
Christmas Eve celebrations.
How could I have written a thesis on “Sex Role Stereotyping” during my degree which argued that it was entirely Nurture and not Nature that created the differences between males and females? What was I thinking? Having lunch with my daughter and my son is like sitting with Mars and Venus.
We got to Top Shop. My daughter said “OK shall we meet here in an hour?” “AN HOUR???” said my son, “ARE YOU MAD? 10 MINUTES. TOPS”. He then trailed behind me saying “OMG, I have never been so bored in my entire life, pleeeese can we go? You’ve got 7 minutes left…..6 minutes left…..5 minutes…and so on until I was ready to smack him. “This is good practice for when you have a girlfriend” I told him. “You will be expected to do this all day and then to sit by the changing room commenting on how gorgeous she looks”….but then it dawned on me. He won’t do that because he plays too much sport at the weekends. He will never spend his days trailing around the shops with his girlfriend because he will be on the rugby pitch and he will assume that all girls want to do is stand on the side of the rugby pitch watching him.
OR is that where I went wrong. Perhaps I should have been more appreciative of being with such a good athlete and tried a bit harder not to look bored shitless when I had to watch him play cricket all day. I didn’t ever get it and certainly didn’t spend any time admiring his abilities and yet, when I proudly watch my son from the sidelines, willing him not to get injured, I understand. I understand his commitment to his team, I understand his desire to do his best, I understand how much he loves it and I understand that when he meets somebody he wants to be with his ultimate heaven would be to have them enjoy watching him play, instead of making him do girly things.
Lori ann
October 23, 2008Dear F.a.,ah so funny and real and true. You say it just like it is.Its all about compromise I think. You could tell your son there are people that would LIKE to be in his shoes right now, shopping in London! ha ha.
x
Anonymous
October 27, 2008I have two sons, much younger than yours, but I am determind to train them to be in touch with their feminine side. This may sound a bit ridiculous but I hate the fact that I have to remind their father to call his mother, remember her b’day etc etc etc. He was once probably as loving and doting to her as my two boys are to me and it breaks my heart that he barely gives her a second thought these days. Of course it
is out of self interest that I have undertaken this rigorous training scheme but hopefully their future wives/girlfriends will benefit too. I’ll let you know in ten years if it was a success! I don’t think it’s too late for teenage son and definitely not too late for 8 year old!