I am loving the thought of starting to get back out into the big wide world again instead of working from home and am very excited at the prospect, once I get my head around how to manage the children and my other alter ego job of Pilates/Stretch teacher. However, the problem with going back into the workplace after 185 years is that everything has changed. I feel like a dinosaur. There appears to be no need for secretaries anymore. No telex machines. No ticker tape. No fax machines. No typewriters. No alcohol in the fridge. It is a strange new environment and I’m not sure that I am going to adapt very well. Change is always scary and ever since my divorce I have always tried to look upon change as something to be embraced and not to be shit scared of. Fear of change is apparently why we tend not to challenge ourselves as we get older and all end up buying slippers and a pipe.
However, the problem is even worse than that. All my work clothes, originally purchased circa 1900’s when you were still allowed to wear a corset, now don’t fit me anymore (although I guess I could try the modern Spanks equivalent ASAP). My clothes that are a little more modern (1950’s Jigsaw size 6 suits) don’t fit me either. The one I bought six months ago for a blog conference also appears to no longer fit me. This is depressing news. I seem to be the size of a house compared to when I started working last century. So. The skirt I wore today was a little on the tight side, but manageable because it was black with the sort of pattern that I don’t think anybody noticed went from spots to long stretched oblongs. But, walking about, either in the office or on the way home from the train station was a little traumatic because it rapidly did that shift up a level either side as I walked thing until my underwear was practically on display – like those old “monkey climbing a tree” toys I used to play with (again, last century and wooden) that would shimmy up a pole bit by bit as you squeezed it together – I always thought that process was quite clever but now that my skirt is doing the same thing it is not at all clever, it is unacceptable.
ALSO. I am not clear about where to sit in the office. They seem to have mobile desks AND no walls between desks and this is causing me some stress. You can hear everyone’s conversation. When I worked at EMI I had my own walls where I could put posters and talk about people behind their back. I had my own typewriter. Nobody was allowed to sit at my desk without getting the evil stare. Hell, I even had my own ashtray that would be full by the end of my day. Unbelievable really to think about what the office environment was like. Today I wished that I could transport myself back to that time, because even when I was wearing a skirt three sizes too small because my arse was now three sizes (at least) bigger, it really didn’t matter because nobody could see me walk down the corridor of shame because of the smoke filled fug.
ALSO. I don’t know how to use their computers – I was asked to add to an Excel document this morning, but couldn’t even turn the bloody thing on. Ditto the phones and the photocopy machine. So I sat about sharpening pencils all morning and wishing I had walls to hide behind.
Even worse than that, the first document I was given today to look at had the teeniest print I have ever seen and I didn’t have any glasses so I had to go and borrow some Dame Edna magnifying Boots one from someone, because I literally couldn’t read it at all but then one of the lenses fell out and because they weren’t very strong lenses even with two of them in I had to hold the document up to my face, but because I didn’t have any walls with which to hide my age related blindness everyone who went by saw me looking at said document through glasses with one lens two centimetres (yes, I am aware that I would prefer to say inches BUT I”M TRYING TO BE MODERN) from my face and now I have lost any credibility that I might previously have had.
This is all a disaster.
It’s a little like when a woman with gorgeous glossy dark/blonde hair turns around and you’re shocked because she’s old with wrinkles when you were expecting youth. This is how I feel I am generally being perceived. Maybe if I had been employed as a “Fax/Telex operator” then everyone would understand. Maybe even a “typist” or an operator would be OK. But anything related to Social Media and you are expected to be young and vibrant with relevant knowledge and keywords and clothes that fit.
I have suggested that they send me on some training courses, but am worried that this will cost them their entire budget for next year. Are there even courses that teach you how to use a phone with lots of connecting buttons?
Expat Mum
November 15, 2012Oh FFS! You always look great, edgy and damn cool! You need to dye your hair and just play on the dumb blonde thing. No, seriously, just embrace your inner dinosaur. OK, last time we were both in the office they were talking about floppy discs and tape-recording voice mail, but hell – you have experience and chutzpah! (Or something).
I read a quote this year that said – Never be afraid or ashamed of being the oldest person in the room. It’s quite liberating. Just don’t get too shit-faced at the Xmas parties. That just looks sad!
Family Affairs
November 15, 2012Now you tell me!! It’s too late!! I have already embarrassed myself at the staff party and it’s not even Christmas!! Lx
Scabs
November 15, 2012oh, im sorry! but this did make me laugh. Lets go shopping and remedy that 1900’s wardrobe STAT! or just pretend to be a bit more confident and start a new 1900’s clothing trend…move over Kardashian girl (yes, i read that post too).
Family Affairs
November 15, 2012Yes, clothing line circa 1800’s might be good. Thanks for the comment L x
Muddling Along
November 15, 2012You’ll be fine – get yourself onto twitter and I can do some remote helpdesking on the office equipment – has to be some benefit of my years being stuck in offices
AND stop talking about yourself as if you are ancient, you’re the same age as me and I’m sure I’m YOUNG!
Family Affairs
November 15, 2012You ARE MUCH YOUNGER THAN ME – I am on Twitter – will find you then – I am not very good at conversations on Twitter so must try harder – Lx
Bush Mummy
November 15, 2012It’s official. You just made me pee my pants laughing. Brilliant BRILLIANT post. Don’t give up the blogging job.
BM X
PS Camilla (eg the future Queen) wears Spanx.
Family Affairs
November 15, 2012Ha ha – thanks – I know – I’m going to struggle to manage the two I suspect!! Lx
Dorothy
November 15, 2012It gets better, believe me! I went back to work last year and am still here so I must be doing something right. I naively thought that ‘office life’ would have evolved a little in the past 18 years that I had been home raising kids, however, office politics are still the same. The great thing about being old is that I don’t care how stupid I sound asking questions; just get the answer and get the job done.
Family Affairs
November 15, 2012Yes, there is that Lx
Karin
November 19, 2012If it’s any comfort – I recently changed jobs and even though I’ve worked in an office continuously for 20 years now I still couldn’t figure out my new computer and phone. New office has much newer stuff – very confusing that it all keeps changing. Best thing I did before my first day, though, was to treat myself to a personal shopper visit at Nordstrom. Even though everything I got is from their cheap section, I feel terrific and stylish – though it was a bit of a bummer after the first week or so, when I’d already worn it all, that I couldn’t go back for more.
Good luck – very exciting!
Family Affairs
November 20, 2012Thank you – Nordstrom?? I haven’t even heard of it? Do they have one in London? I’ve only done personal shopping in Top Shop before when I came out looking 12 and the same as my daughter and regretted every purchase. Tempted to do the Selfridges one but think will be a little out of my league……Lx
Karin
November 20, 2012I wondered about that after I hit “submit”. Nordstrom is a high-end department store in the US – and normally out of my league, too. But my personal shopper got a good read on what would work for me and picked out things for me to try that I never would have touched. I did spend four times as much as I’d meant to, though . . . so no return trip for a long time.
Family Affairs
November 20, 2012That is the danger…..I did the same in Top Shop and it wasn’t appropriate for me. Lx
Jon Storey
November 22, 2012Now I am frightened at the prospect of returning to work, I think I will just remain ill until I hit 65 or is it 70 now, I have lost track.
Congrats on the new job, hope all goes well. xx
Family Affairs
November 22, 2012Thanks x