BRING IT ON

My poor sister-in-law. She is now 9 days overdue with her first baby. In France full term is 41 weeks and not 40 like it is here. Perhaps that’s what we should do here to avoid disappointment.

She’s covered in an itchy rash that is driving her mad. The only thing that is going to stop her from scratching and feeling so uncomfortable are for her contractions to start. Then she’ll most definitely have something else to think about.

God. It’s taking me back all those years ago to labour pains. Nothing quite prepares you. Yet we do it again and again. Which is what fools other women into thinking it really can’t be that bad. Then we tell them how bad it is but only in gentle terms and somehow their ears don’t convey the message to their brain in any case. Procreation of the species. Somehow, at this stage it all just becomes a basic human function.

She will now go into animal mode. A mother producing her young. Your body takes over and you sort of shut down the world around you. It’s quite extraordinary what the body can do. It is just such a MAMMOTH task for a woman to give birth. Spectacular. My brother has been given a bit of sensible advice from a female friend. “Stand well clear during contractions.” Apparently her partner made the mistake of getting too close and for the entire three minute contraction she had him in a head lock that nearly broke his neck. He went blue. That wouldn’t have been good. To accidentally kill your birth partner during labour – although I have to say it is quite a tempting prospect – especially when you realise that it is all their fault that you are in this position in the first place.

My 16 year old daughter has been showing huge interest in the whole thing. Sent a text last night to her aunt – “still no baby, aaagh. Well, here are a few tips as I’ve watched every episode of “Sixteen and Pregnant” – try driving really fast down a road with speed bumps, or eat a curry”.

I think it might be on it’s way this weekend. SO EXCITING. CAN’T WAIT to meet my new niece (they don’t know the sex but I’m sure they’re having a girl).

Any other tips for bringing on labour? Can’t remember them. Raspberry Leaf Tea? (yuk).