According to a report in The Times yesterday there is a growing breed of women who are sick of being demonised as evil home-wreckers and want to vent their spleen at what they say is the unreasonable behaviour of ex-wives – they call themselves “LSSW” – Long Suffering Second Wives.
A support group was set up 5 years ago called the British Second Wives Club which has 3,500 members. Apparently they all have issues about having to deal with difficult ex-wives. Linda Mellor who set up the group is incensed by the attitude of some ex-wives that the divorce is a meal-ticket for life and absolves them from ever working again and asks where is the dignity in receiving money long-term from an ex husband.
Well. Good. Yes. I take her point. Being an ex wife is not a very dignified place to be. But what if you have had a long marriage, children, were committed for life, left a good job to look after the children, have maybe retrained, but a recession got in the way as has the cost of childcare and you have subsequently found that your work doesn’t pay very well and has to be fitted in between drop offs and pick ups. In addition having found yourself on your own with your children you have had to totally reassess your whole life and deal with your partner marrying someone else.
It’s a shame really that it all can’t be easier. First wives no doubt struggle hugely with the concept of a second wife and vice versa – some first wives can feel that they have been discarded and subsequently replaced and there is quite commonly a huge amount of bitterness and hurt because the second wife has inadvertently “taken” their partner before they were ready to let them go.
Yes, of course it’s difficult being a second wife. Meeting a man who already has children and commitments to a previous partner. But if you don’t like it don’t get involved. It’s part of their history. There is going to be another relationship to deal with. You have to be prepared for that. It’s just a matter of trying to put yourself in somebody else’s shoes (easier said than done).
But I am quite sure that it’s also difficult from time to time, being any sort of wife – past, present or future…..and certainly being an ex husband isn’t always a great position to be in either, however, we don’t all need to set up a bloody club.
fab feisty and fifty
April 27, 2010hear hear lu…
a wife of 28+years partner for 35 yrs….and l’m not getting anything yet…l have all the debt he has all the goods…sitting smugly in our home, with daughter whom l havent seen in 10 days….he wanted out but didnt leave, so l did for the greater good, to maintain semblance of order for may/june exams…
lm struggling….but getting through it, my son and l..he doesnt worry, tremble he has control…
l gave up my fashion career…l ran the home whist he worked away 4 days a week…why do l feel like l deserve something..
I wonder…WHERE do l sign up to a support group…IF there is a 2nd mrs W.. sometime somehwre…(if not on the scene already who knows..l don;t ) expect him to participate towards my costs LONg term….
cos l’m worth FAR more….than l’ve ever had so far…
Family Affairs
April 28, 2010Saz, what a nightmare. Do you wish you had stood your ground? What shall we call our support group? Lx
Chic Mama
April 28, 2010Had to delete my comment as I sound like a bitter ex-wife for some strange reason! ;0/
Family Affairs
April 28, 2010Ha ha xx
jo
April 28, 2010Oh I totally agree.
I’m an ex-wife, with an ex who remarried very quickly and even more quickly, set about have 2 more children. Both boys I might add, not a girl. I was blessed with the only girl.
And yes, there will always be history, especially if there are children involved.
Really liked this post.
x jo
Family Affairs
April 28, 2010Thanks Jo Lx
louise
April 28, 2010As the first wife, I was vilified by X’s replacement – even though I was the perfect X wife (didn’t annoy, fed, clothed and educated my children, refused all financial aid). She hated me and my children. Of course he had a past, but she tried to erase it completely.
I am now wife number three and it’s still hard! Number 2 and my husband divorced 10 years ago and she took their son away from my husband completely. Now she is slowly letting him come and stay – he is a dear lad and loves being just a kid round the house here rather than his mother’s escort … but she loathes me. I ask nothing of her, have never refused to have her son in the house when she wants to go away, I look after him as if he were one of mine – of no avail.
I am just one of the misunderstood of the Planet!!
Family Affairs
April 28, 2010What a nightmare. We just can’t win, whatever role we play in life it seems Lx
spiny marshmallows
April 28, 2010That is all funny and so true – great post
auntiegwen
April 29, 2010L, if there’s a club with you and Saz, count me in, my story is very scarily like many other bloggers. Sadly. Amd I don’t get to bitch about it on my blog because the sneaky fecker found it, he was just “using my computer” in my house, when I wasn’t there. Strange that he felt the need to check the browser history, isn’t it? I’m sure there’s a perfectly reasonable explaination though.
Family Affairs
April 29, 2010Oh no. That’s really bad that you can’t write about it – now I don’t know which club to put you in. I’m starting 8 so far. Lx
Sian - Mummy-Tips
May 1, 2010Just wanted to stop by to say thanks for registering for CyberMummy. In a bid to get to know at least something about all the bloggers who are kindly supporting us I have added you to my blogroll and I’m now following your blog.
You can keep up with my goings on over at http://www.mummy-tips.com – a follow back would be appreciated….
See you in July..
Sian.