CHILDREN USED AS WEAPONS IN DIVORCE

It is important to remember that children are the ones who suffer most in divorce and in the paper today Sir Nicholas Wall, England’s most senior family court judge said that “children were routinely used as the battlefield and ammunition for parents to hammer out their own personal disputes”.

He noted that separating parents rarely behave reasonably and have no idea how much damage they inflict on their children with protracted custody battles and personal attacks on one another.

In his speech Sir Nicholas singled out middle-class families for particularly serious criticism and stated that in his experience “the more intelligent the parent, the more intractable the dispute”.

Why is that I wonder? A control thing? More money to go to court? The mother using the children as ammunition in a power struggle?

We would all do well to remember that we need to act reasonably and not criticise each other in front of the children and accept that children do best when they have a relationship with both parents.

I know from talking to friends with divorced parents that this aspect seemed to be the worst when growing up because of course they don’t want to hear bad things said about their respective parents. The judge makes the point that because each parent represents 50% of the child’s gene pool, if a child’s parent makes it clear that they believe the other parent is worthless then the child’s sense of self-worth can be irredeemably damaged.

This whole issue makes me desperately sad for any children of divorced or separated parents. They have to deal with so much. The six kids involved in our case have an even more complicated minefield to tiptoe through. I wish everybody got on better. Would make things so much easier for the kids…..although having said that, they all seem to be coping admirably with all the new changes. Long may it last.