Sigh.
Christmas and the single parent.
It is very very hard and ridiculously complicated. Thankfully my children will wake up on Christmas morning at my house. But then, after our pressie-fest, they have to leave. It is still painful. I have a friend that will be doing the single/kids/who is having them when thing for the first time this year and it makes we want to cry because I know how unbelievably heart wrenching it is to not be able to give your children the text book happy nuclear family Christmas.
I have been doing the single Christmas thing for a few years now. Watched how other friends deal with it. One friend disappears for two weeks every other year, abroad – somewhere they don’t celebrate Christmas and does something entirely different so that she doesn’t feel sick about not being with her children. Others do what I do and spend it with close family – we always share Christmas day so that it’s not too awful – they either wake up at my house or I pick them up at lunch time on Xmas day so thats good.
But.
I’m still feeling a little bit dysfunctional though. It’s still hard, down the line, even if the children get used to two separate Christmas’s. I am really, really looking forward to spending time with my family over Christmas, but my children won’t be there…..and that is just weird.
BUT I DON’T WANT TO GO AND BUY THE TREE BY MYSELF and carry it home on my own. I bought a lovely fake black one last year in order to specifically avoid bumping into happy families in garden centres but my children have told me it’s revolting and I can’t possibly use it. That it was depressing and miserable looking. Well. I disagree. I AM depressing and miserable looking. What’s wrong with that. Get over it. “It looks like an Emo” they say. I don’t want to put up baubles. Or lights. OR ANYTHING YET. WHY IS EVERYONE IN THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT ALREADY?? I am not. Not at all. I CBA to find the bloody Christmas decorations which are in a box somewhere in the shed. I can’t get excited about untangling the stupid lights and I certainly am not looking forward to the Christmas decoration argument and whosE bit of tree looks more like “Christmas sick” than twinkly fluff….
So. Any advantages of being divorced at Christmas?
– You don’t have to spend time with in-laws
– You don’t have to unwrap a shit present
– You will be closer to your children as a result
– My rules. Except the kids ignore them.
– We can eat what we want.
– I can eat two tins of Quality Streets on my own when they have gone.
Disadvantages?
– Effect on kids
– No big present
– Sick after two tins of Quality Streets
So my “How To Survive Christmas” top tips aren’t very well formulated yet. I must give it some more thought.
1. Stop being nostalgic and get that image of the nuclear family Christmas out of your head.
2. Invite friends round. All the time. Every day. At least three times a day so that you don’t have to stop offering drinks to everyone.
3. I’m thinking about taking the children to a food kitchen to help serve other less fortunate people their Christmas meal.
4. I’m going to give my kids something African this year, after my recent trip – maybe a monthly food programme to help feed a child for a year…..
Anybody else got any good ideas?
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10 Comments
Its not dysfunctional, it’s their normal and many people’s normal. Once you manage to embrace the situation instead of lamenting it ll gets much easier. I will have a lie in on Christmas morning, nice. Daughter will come home late afternoon and we will open presents then. I suppose it’s easier for me because I’m not alone but I think if I were I’d do lie in, tv, walk/run nd then she’d be home. Ae yours away for an extended period? In which case I think I’d be off on a holiday too. Doing the tree alone is a juxtaposition because it sort of makes me a little sad but I also get to do it my way.
I know lamenting is a bad thing….it’s just sometimes I feel like that. But you are so right on all the other points Lx
Love this post and feel for you over here in the Bush. I remember being that child, having to split between two and it is tough. But don’t worry about them, they are old enough to look after themselves now. You should definitely surround yourself with friends, box sets (Homeland? The Killing?) and some very good wine (champagne can’t really be drunk in large quantities without feeling sick). Or how about booking yourself in for a lovely massage or facial somewhere spoily in town?
Love and courage from W12
BM xx
Thank you xxxxxxx
I always do the tree on my own anyway because I am a nasty ccontrol freak of a mummy. I am more than happy to pop down and do your tree too but I have to have it my way. Nope, I can’t think why I’m divorced and my children call me a tree nazi either
Tree Nazi?? Ha ha. Yup me too – no idea why divorced….. LX
I’m a single mum on one, soon to be of 2. I am very lucky in my situation that my son’s dad isn’t emotionally attached to Christmas so I get to have my son every year unless we can’t fly back to the UK for any reason (I live abroad and my family are in my home town in the UK). This year we will be staying put because I am too pregnant to be allowed to fly and I am gutted as are my family as having a 3 year old at Christmas really adds to it.
The only time my son will go to his dad’s for Christmas is when he says that he wants to do that which I hope he never will. If he does however, then I will respect his wishes although it will be incredibly painful and I dread it.
Blimey – poor you having to go through the remainder of the pregnancy on your own – or are you OK with that to a degree? Sometimes easier? You seem very upbeat for a difficult situation – well done you Lx
Christmas is a NIGHTMARE! I get very down about it. I’ve already tried to buy a white twig tree from John Lewis and an inflatable plastic one and had both vetoed. Like you I have the girls with me on Xmas morning but have to drive them over to their father’s in the middle of the day, so no drinking for ages, and meanwhile TL is never allowed to have his kids on Xmas day so will be very down … no wonder people kill themselves at Christmas. Sorry, not very positive but there we are xx
He’s not allowed to have his kids??? That’s harsh isn’t it? I know, it’s all very difficult. Lx