Oh. My general feeling of happiness was blown wide open by my ex this morning. Typically, having agreed our Christmas arrangements, he rang to just “clarify” what we had agreed. I knew what was coming and sure enough, having got me to agree to him having the kids on Christmas eve, he now wants them for lunch on Christmas day. No bloody way.
This is when divorce can get dangerous. It is such a personal, emotional time and everybody wants to have the children for Christmas. However, I think I’ve been quite reasonable and grown-up about this years arrangements (advice and constructive criticism on that statement most welcome). I suggested that he join us for lunch on Xmas day with his mother and girlfriend. Of course he doesn’t want to come, but I pointed out that we would be doing it for the children, who would love us all to be together. I told him that based on our last conversation I have invited all my family and would therefore not consider changing it. “Why don’t you just delay lunch until 3pm”? He suggested. It’s a thought, but last year he picked them up at 3pm after their lunch, drove them for 2 hours and gave them another huge Christmas meal which was not good at all for them. I told him I didn’t want them to have to sit down to two enormous meals. That is ridiculous.
“This is about what’s best for the children” (quite an annoying statement I agree) I told him. “No it’s not”, he said, “it’s all about you. As usual. You genuinely are the most unreasonable person in the world aren’t you?”. “If you say so” I said and hung up. I really wish we still had old phones that you could slam down in a dramatic manner – pressing a button in a pathetically angry way just doesn’t work.
Have just had a Facebook invitation from a friend to receive flowers using Superpoke. I can spank, high five, drop kick or even throw sheep at her in return. I’m not sure I get all this – think I’m too old – what are they talking about?
The Grocer
November 13, 2007Your situation is difficult but not uncommon. In my own situation we were able to agree a “bi-annual agreement” so as not to shunt our son around too much on Christmas Day. So we each had him for Christmas Eve/Day until teatime one year then not the next. It makes the year without difficult, emotional and lonely but you can always have a second Christmas Day on Boxing Day. This took a little working out for us but with hindsight I would have gone further and not moved my son until the day after Christmas as he used to get overloaded for that one day.
Hope you see the wood for the trees.
shauna
November 15, 2007I have no advice. I’m brand new to this (just signed the divorce complaint yesterday) and am sick about all these details. My ex wants us to spend Christmas together this year since it’s our first Christmas divorced–and I’ve agreed although inwardly I’m dreading the entire day. I’m sure there will be lots of yuckiness regarding sharing, etc. in the future. Good luck!