Day 17 of our London Lockdown. It’s another gloriously sunny day and we are still all locked away in our cages, dealing with our Coronaphobia and waiting to be told that there will no doubt be a further long extension to the lockdown. I hope everyone is OK and coping. By the sudden lack of flour and yeast available, everyone is seemingly furiously baking, including me. I have turned into a 1950’s housewife. Just need the flowery apron to complete the image. Gloves, spray, cooking, cleaning, making beds, washing, looking after everyone. It’s not so bad, apart from the emerging grey hairs and whiskers, but at least that applies to everyone (I hope).
Still sleeping fitfully, waking regularly with a racing heart, panicking about the world and all it’s inhabitants. Worrying about how Boris is getting on in intensive care (doing OK apparently, not actually on a ventilator, just near one in case he needs it), whether all the NHS staff have the protective gear they need – possibly not since one of my surgeon friends had to ask a builder friend of mine whether he had any spare protective goggles she could use. WTF? Images of crying NHS workers literally on their knees trying to save people keep appearing in my mind, it’s like sending a naked fireman into a burning building – or maybe my bedroom…. (images improve temporarily). Still no exit plan. When will the tests be approved? Is there an online course in Virology I could quickly do to help find a cure? How is everyone’s mental health? Domestic violence is inevitably on the rise, organ agencies are closing, UK deaths were just under 1,000 yesterday. My throat’s a bit sore. I’M GOING TO DIE. Need to sort out my will. Calm down. Breathe. At least my children are in da house.
5.30am Bloody noisy birds wake me up every morning now, having unreasonably taken over the calming rhythm of the planes, trains and automobiles. Still avoid the radio for reasons stated above. Instead (when will I learn?) I scroll through my phone for news, Twitter and WhatsApp groups updates and get the bad news that way, mixed with endlessly funny (and not so funny) videos – mostly nothing to do with the lockdown now, seemingly they have been exhausted. Trying to deal with the anxiety as we start slowly adjusting to our new normal world order (or lack of it).
7.30am Get up, make bed (still good for morale apparently), contemplate not wearing a bra in manner of new WFH trend. Decide I need bra, as going to do some exercise and an early walk to avoid the crowds. Work out my plan for the day. Need a plan, but slightly wondering what the point of a plan is. Yoga friend says it is better to be in the moment and not have a plan. So maybe forget the plan. Will go with short-term aimless instead. None of us can control any of this except for the way we respond to the crisis. I must try and remember that.
8.00am Breakfast consists of a lot of old yoghurt and mouldy fruit found at back of fridge.
8.30am Try and do some exercise on my own. Hopeless. No motivation whatsoever. Join in with Jo Wicks instead and jump around like a kangaroo.
9.30am Head out for walk. The deer in the park are in bloody heaven:-
The blossom spectacular:-
11.00am Read the paper. Depressing beyond. Do the crossword as it takes my mind off everything else. My coffee doesn’t taste of much. OMG THAT’S A SYMPTOM….I’M GOING TO DIE.
Noon Try and set up a Zoom meeting to do my Pilates classes, massive fail. Daren’t ask daughter again until at least the weekend when she will be on holiday AND STUCK WITH ME. Decide I will probably not attempt online Pilates, I don’t own the room when I’m actually in the room so it will be mayhem when I’m actually not in the room. Can’t see the screen without my glasses and look terrifying on the video anyway.
1pm Wash floor and sort out kitchen sink cupboard. Children can hardly believe their eyes. I have become a domestic goddess. Keep gloves on for most of day and spray all the handles that have become weapons of mass destruction. Son then unravels reams of kitchen paper to clean a bowl. I dive to save all the paper he’s wasting as they are now gold plated, he drops bowl in shock and it smashes on floor.
2pm On a roll, I manage to get rid of the chair of shame in my bedroom. All clothes I will never wear again are now safely in cupboard. The wash basket is almost empty too. This is an absolute first. Living the micro dream.
3pm Next hour spent in socially distancing queue at the supermarket. Fully stocked, except for yeast, flour and the chocolate I wanted. Most people are clearly going to come out of quarantine as amazing cooks, whereas I move on to the section of the shop where most people are going to come out with a drinking problem.
4.30pm Make chocolate chip cookies using alternative ingredients as also no chocolate chips left. Accidentally use mint chocolate in lieu of chocolate chips and they’re revolting. I still manage to eat most of them. Need to start social distancing from food next.
5.30pm Call my mother – she was meant to have another back procedure this week that has been cancelled. She is in agony and alone, yet remarkably cheerful. Inadvertently stroke cat, remember I’m not supposed to stroke cat and go and wash hands. Should I now spray the cat with Detol? Going to ignore cat advise, otherwise cat will also end up with mental health issues like our last one and start weeing everywhere, which frankly I can’t handle right now.
6.00pm In an attempt to delay drinking start time I start to wash leaves on indoor plants. Mindless job which leaves me worrying about everything again.
6.05pm Stop washing leaves as entirely pointless and make large gin and tonic instead. Get a text from Blood UK to tell me that my blood has been issued to Addenbrooke’s Hospital. This makes me feel happy. I hope it hasn’t got too much alcohol in it, hopefully it has evaporated en route.
This reconnecting with loved ones is not all it cracked up to be. My daughter is trying to WFH and son is being loud and annoying and still wondering what day of the week it is. He heads out for his daily walk and I realise that we are only really as safe in the house as our least safe child. I mention social distancing to him for the millionth time. He puts his headphones on.
7.30pm Supper with the kids. Son cooks it tonight. Delicious:-
8.00pm Out on the street to clap and cheer and bang saucepans again. WOOHOO. Highlight of my week.
8.30pm Zoom chat with 5 friends. Best so far, but still quite unsatisfactory. I get overexcited and drink too much wine, whilst we all talk over each other. With no non-verbal communication to assist, we are all over the place with the chat. I will have a Zoom Hangover tomorrow.
10.00pm Go to bed. Bedtime is getting earlier and earlier, but I’m hoping that this means I can start drinking at 4pm moving forward. Still reading “The Spy and The Traitor” which is quite gripping now. What book to read next? They all seem so pointless. Maybe “The Plague” by Camus or a Jilly Cooper novel?
Tomorrow night, the three of us are having a date night on the sofa and going to watch “Tiger King” as we’ve all heard it’s mental and we can bond over it.
As we’ve got to stay at home over the Easter weekend, I am also going to do a serious Easter Egg Hunt for the kids, with clues. Sadly my grown up son won’t be able to join in or my brothers and their kids, or my mother as per our usual Easter Sunday gathering, so I’m going to make the hunt very hard, in order for it to last all day. That way they can spend Easter moving from the living room, the bedroom, the bathroom to the kitchen.
Hope you are all feeling peaceful. I am trying to do the same! This image from our local park might help. I hope so. Big love.