Normally I like to consider myself a feminist. Somebody who is quite capable of doing most things by myself. I try and engender that sentiment into my children at all times and presumably something must be going in. I live with my three children on my own for goodness sake. They know what goes on. I’m not massively good at the tidying up thing or the homework thing. If I had to spend too long doing their homework there wouldn’t be time for anything else. Oh, and I’m pretty crap at the cooking too. I recently discovered that my daughter had sent Builder Bloke a text some time ago saying “please come back, the food is shit!”.
In many ways, life really isn’t too bad without a man. There is no arguing – apart from directly with the children. There is mostly a lot of laughter. My children have had to grow up quickly in lots of ways. They are pretty mature on the whole and very good company. I am definitely closer to them because of my divorce – I guess that’s inevitable when there isn’t a partner you feel you should stand by during an issue with the children.
Anyway, Christmas turned me into a little bit of a sexist I hate to admit and it made me feel a little grumpy here and there. There was no division of girly/blokey labour to be had. It started with the refusing to go and chop myself down a big old tree, carry it home, hack it about and hurl it into a stand and then decorate it. This year I simply put my foot down and went for the black Emo tree (as my kids described it) which my children turned their nose up on every passing I’m afraid to say. My daughter has subsequently provided me with a list of people who have told her they don’t like it. BUT I DON’T CARE. It was easy and I can bring it out next year and have the same argument all over again.
Then the next issue was simply cooking the Christmas meal on my own with no one to carve the turkey or the ham or make the gravy or do the washing up. Or get pissed and fall asleep on the sofa. Or drive us to different venues to see friends later in the day. Or buy all the booze. Or talk to my mother after too many whiskeys. Or wrap all the presents or (most importantly) buy me a present. I had to do it all on my own.
I DON’T WANT TO DO IT ALL ON MY OWN.
Is your Christmas divided along male/female lines or am I being ridiculous here?
Divorce and Christmas just don’t make the perfect partnership.
Expat Mum
January 3, 2012I have to say that the Ball & Chain has developed the tradition of him cooking ALL the Christmas stuff, including meals on each side. I still do all the presents and cards though, so I clearly have to keep working on him!
N xx
January 3, 2012OK – so I do have a lovely man … But I …
a) am also crap at tidying up, b) have a limited attention span when helping with homework and c) only sporadically come up with a good meal! We didn’t buy a tree this year, went away for Christmas and had steak and chips up a mountain on Christmas Day! Open invite to come along next year (if we can all find the cash!) xx
Family Affairs
January 3, 2012Aaah. Thanks. That is a very good idea – how to get out of a Xmas meal. Lx
Anna
January 4, 2012Well, a few days before Christmas I almost gave up and told my mother-in-law that her son doesn’t feel like getting a tree, setting it up, putting up Xmas lights and so on, and consequently our place won’t look festive at all and could we please gather at her place. Her answer: “I hate to tell you, my dear, but all this is ultimately the woman’s job.” And no, she wasn’t letting us off the hook and she would see us at our place Christmas day. Thanks to her we did pull ourselves together and even managed to prepare a decent meal. But barely. And there’s two of us!
Family Affairs
January 4, 2012Oh, So it’s not just me then…..but maybe she’s in a same sex relationship which wouldn’t really count because clearly it is therefore a woman’s job but not in a sexist way….but with two of them…but then again I’m just surmising. She probably isn’t, but I’m thinking that’s the way forward for us divorcees Lx
Anna
January 5, 2012Oh, no, she is by herself. She’s never remarried. And she did mean it in an old-fashioned, 50s kind of way. I don’t mind it, though. I was brought up in a feminist household, by fair-minded and generous women, but they could teach me nothing about sharing responsibilites in a marriage or psychological differences between women and men. My grandmother’s had one advice to all women whose husbands were giving them trouble: hit him over the head with a frying pan. I loved my grandmother, but, as tempting as it sounds, I’ll pass, I think and take my mother-in-law’s advice over hers.
qlddeb
January 4, 2012I’d rather not have to worry about what the bloke wants, I’ve just had a christmas with a bloke for the first time in years and I would have preferred it if he’d buggered off! Christmas is about what I want (selfish cow, I know, but it’s the only time of the year! Maybe).
I’ve got a flash (aussie for fancy) artifical tree that is permanently decorated. I cover it with a plastic bag & hide it downstairs so I don’t have to decorate each year. Has to be sprayed with insect spray (spiders, cockroaches and lizards get cranky when they’re kicked out in December otherwise) but that takes a lot of the work out. And I do love cooking (sorry), but not cleaning so I don’t use my beautiful serving platters anymore, I buy disposable ones & throw them. Don’t care if it doesn’t look as perfect, makes my life easier.
I’ve also done the restaurant thing and loved it! It ended up cheaper, the only downside was there was no left overs. I got around that though, went to Woolies after christmas and got ham, nuts etc dirt cheap, perfect leftover replacement!
It’s hard, but think about all the lovely selfish things about not having anyone around, no tiffs with his horrible sister/mother/father etc, no stressing about the perfect gift, trying to fit another family into yours when you’ve already got to consider the ex’s, getting crap presents (the $20 dinner setting was a beauty. And the only thing he got me. I’ve already got 4. He gave me the receipt so I could take it back after he saw the expression on my face. Won’t be playing poker anytime soon.)
Oh, and I buy my own present. I tend to get what I want then, and no-one can winge about the cost.
Family Affairs
January 4, 2012You have SO got it sorted. Can I come and spend Xmas with you next year? Lx
QldDeb
January 4, 2012Anytime, I’ll fire up the BBQ. I’ve got 5kg of prawns and another 2kg of bugs in the freezer waiting for you!
Family Affairs
January 4, 2012Excellent x
QldDeb
January 4, 2012Actually I was surfing the net at work the other day (I’m sooo professional) and I saw a group of holiday villas, 2 with 1 bedroom, outdoor & indoor bathrooms, entertainment areas etc, 1 with 2 bedrooms etc, butler, cook & driver with car centered around an illusion pool on the beach for $600 per night in Bali. Compeletely private & away from the world.
That’s my next christmas, want to come?
Family Affairs
January 4, 2012That sounds AMAZING. Definitely a plan Lx
Kelloggsville
January 5, 2012If the kids wanted to see a real tree they could have stood I trafalgar square. Why do they all want spoon feeding these days? Show them the bus stop! I do it all in my house anyway so Christmas without a man would mean it was all the same but with less farting. Disillusioned moi?!
Family Affairs
January 5, 2012Well now I have a kitten sitting on my lap that farts so no better! Lx
auntiegwen
January 6, 2012When I was married I longed for the solitude and being able to please myself. At some points since 2006 I have felt like I wanted a man to share some things with but I now know I am fundementally unsuited to living with someone, what I love most of all is solitude. I crave some time on my own. Purely because I never have any.
Family Affairs
January 6, 2012I slightly have to agree – in principal it’s a lovely idea but I think I’m too used to doing things my way now and getting intolerant……oh dear. No hope for me then Lx