I always knew that getting divorced wasn’t going to be an easy option. I had braced myself for that. But what I hadn’t appreciated was that even nearly three years down the line things were still going to be this difficult. That I was still going to feel stressed beyond belief and not find any peace.
I don’t really understand it. My X is getting remarried in a few months. He has moved into a new house with his new wife-to-be. He should be happy and settled. I don’t really get his constant anger towards me.
We had a conversation this morning which rapidly deteriorated. He told me that when I got back he wanted to meet me to discuss finances in general. To discuss how to stop my maintenance. That he was going to stop it regardless of what I thought and wasn’t prepared to involve lawyers. I told him there was nothing to discuss unless he put a reasonable proposal in writing. That all had been agreed by lawyers a while ago and that was that. Suddenly he told me he that he thought I was “vile”. Such a horrible word. So I told him to F*CK OFF and hung up.
He then sent a text “You know you’ve been vile. You know you’ve ripped me off. You’ve acknowledged it and have even apologised in a half hearted sort of way”.
I really don’t know what he is talking about. I think he must be losing the plot. I am trying to ignore the fact that my head is about to explode and am trying not to let his constant abuse wear me down. But in the meantime, I have sort of cleared the decks because I can feel a major battle brewing ahead and I need to be strong enough to cope with whatever he throws at me. Suddenly it feels a bit scary. There are two of them now and unfortunately her influence has done nothing to make my life easier in any way shape or form. I don’t know why I’m surprised. It’s just unpleasant. Deeply, deeply unpleasant.
THEN, this evening on the way to my parents I got a flat tyre and had to turn around and come home. Why am I so depressingly useless at all things practical? I simply didn’t know what to do and sat in the car for ages doing a girly looking in the manual, trying to work out what to do sort of thing. I chose to risk the drive home rather than attempt to either change the wheel or wait for the AA. I don’t even know how to re-pump the tyres at the garage.
Now I won’t be able to see my parents again before I go away. Which is very disappointing.
Maybe I should book myself on to a Mechanics course. That should focus my mind a little. Keep me distracted. Or maybe a counselling course would be better. Therapy. OR, maybe I could combine the two – I wonder if there is a “How To Hit Things Really, Really Hard With A Hammer Whilst Using Visualisation Techniques And Feel Instantly Better About Life In General” sort of course I could book myself on.
Pippa
March 25, 2010Oh can I go on that course with you if you ever find it? Seriously though if there are “man” things that you think that you want to learn then someone will teach you if you just ask. I was taught as a young child a lot of “boy” things and so I will always offer if you like 🙂
Family Affairs
March 25, 2010Thanks Pippa. I will start compiling a list. It will be many pages long. Lx
Chic Mama
March 25, 2010I’ve just read…your going to Australia? Wow, that will be a lovely break.
I’ve nothing positive to say to you….sorry. I just cannot understand what goes on in these men’s brains. I can only assume it is with the woman’s encouragement they suddenly forget they have responsibilities.
I’m sorry you have all this stress just before you go away, try to forget about it all and have a great time. x
Family Affairs
March 25, 2010Thanks CM – will try. Won’t be difficult once I’m there, I’m sure. Lx
janelle
March 25, 2010what a bloody arsehole. really.
and as for punctures….that;s what boys are for. frankly.
whoa.
x
j
Priness_L_88
March 25, 2010I really wish I had some helpful advice, but as I don’t I’m just sending *hugs* and hoping you enjoy your time away.
Eclipse
March 26, 2010Ok… you’ve had this conversation with him a billion times. Quite frankly, he’s pushing your buttons, he’ll know you’ll cave in. Essentially the maintenance is for HIS kids that he had with you. End of. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t want lawyers or not. He cannot defy court orders, its that simple. If you wanted to change custody arrangements I’m sure he’d have found a lawyer to sort it asap. Stand up for yourself and your kids and get legal counsel and a lawyer. Speaking from experience having been the product of one very unfriendly divorce – this is only gonna get nastier.
Sorry to be blunt, but you are pussyfooting around too much. You keep trying to be nice and keep the peace and not let things get worse. But, I don’t think its working. He’s got that woman behind him now, just adding fuel to the fire and from her perspective, his money will soon to belong to her and that’s why she doesn’t want it to be used for you or the children that your ex had with you.
If you are worried about the kids, just tell them ther truth, honesty and openness is the best policy here.
Hope you don’t mind this quite strong opinion, its just that I’ve watched this kind of thing happen several times to nice, decent people (mainly my Dad and uncle) and they always get s*at on from a great height.
Eclipse x
Family Affairs
March 26, 2010Thanks C, I don’t mind you being blunt at all = you’ve followed my story for a long time now and have a very interesting, younger perspective. Thanks. You are right. Will sort. In fact, going to send email now to lawyer. Lx
Karin
March 26, 2010Please get your laywer involved! You won’t win anything in this one by playing nice – that train has left the station.
muummmmeeeeee......
March 27, 2010I so agree with Eclipse…I have so many friends getting divorced at the moment and some of them just seem to be rolling over and taking the punches. One friend has been messed around by her husband for the last 9 nine years when he left to live with his mistress and he’s blown pretty much every penny from their once reasonable bank account. She’s tried to remain his friend even though he’s a prize piece of shit and he’s taken total advantage of her. It’s painful to watch.
Hope you have a fab time in Oz x
Jon Storey
March 29, 2010I can only say what I have said previously. Get a Solicitor to tell him to p… off! He really is trying to wind you up to the point where you will give in. It’s just not on!!
As I have said before, if he defies a court order he could well be out of a job! Remember that on this one you hold the whip hand..
ps. Hope you have sent that e-mail.
Relationship Breaking Up
April 4, 2010This is a great information for those couples having problems with their marriage. Only time will tell if the destiny is written for them and work it out really soon.
Jamar Manis
April 14, 2010Hi there, I just finished reading some of your posts and found you to be quite informative. Thanks.