DIVORCE HOW TO – DO HOLIDAYS

This is proving to be an ongoing nightmare. You would think by now that I’d have got a little more used to the stress of sorting out holidays with and without the children now that I’ve had a few years practice in being divorced.

This year feels almost like the worst so far. I don’t know why that is. I have left it all to the last minute because I didn’t have everybody’s dates available until now. Perhaps its because of all the uncertainty and stress going on around me or perhaps it’s because my oldest child had made lots of plans himself which I have had to take into consideration. OR perhaps it’s just because, like many people this year I don’t seem to have enough money for an overseas holiday with the children. Everything, especially flights are so expensive, which is odd given that Portugal has just been downgraded to “junk status” (which seems just rude to me) and Spain and Italy risk being drawn in to the deepening eurozone crisis if a Greek default does indeed cause a market meltdown. Italy is of major concern at the moment as yields on Italy’s government debt hit their highest levels yesterday for nearly a decade.

So. I still haven’t sorted out my summer plans. Which is frustrating me. Especially given that my kids have already broken up from school and those endless weeks ahead seem to just looooom in a vast empty expanse of mouths saying “I”M BORED!! THERE’S NOTHING TO DO. WHAT ARE WE DOING TODAY?” . I need to make some plans. Various friends have invited us away with them but for the most part the dates sadly haven’t worked – either I’ve been invited to go away without the children when I have them or vice versa.

Builder Bloke always, always goes to Portugal. It’s where he has a family villa. This year for the first time he doesn’t have access to it, which has caused huge problems for him because his children love going there. We were both looking at places nearby to rent but have recently discovered that their father and his new wife have chosen Portugal for their holiday destination so now I don’t want to go. Not because I’m being childish, but because I genuinely don’t think it’s right for the kids to have two weeks with us and a week with them in the same country – it doesn’t make sense. To me it feels like the worst sort of competitive parenting and we’ve been there, done that in the first year of divorce when we both took them away several times.

Also, because they’re having a foreign holiday and then a UK holiday with their father, do they actually need a third big one with me? I don’t think so. I would love to go somewhere where we can have a good time together and get away (as long as it doesn’t involve camping in any way shape or form, unless it’s at a festival), but maybe they’d be just as happy staying at home and having a quiet time. Personally I’d like to take them to an Orangutang sanctuary – shame all the bloody orangutangs live so far away.

THEN I’ve got the dilemma of what to do when I’m on my own for the two separate weeks they are away on holiday. MUCH cheaper to get just myself somewhere, but where? What to do? Again, I will probably go and stay with some friends – it’s important to be busy when the kids are away or I will just mope about wondering if they’re coping without me. I’m on a waiting list for a writing course, but would quite like to go and walk in China or climb a mountain or do something cultural or not do something cultural and lie on a beach for a week – I might even be ready to go and do something by myself as long as it’s in a group of “single” (and I say that in the loosest possible terms – not partnerless necessarily – it would have to include those people who don’t like going on holiday with their partner, have different interests, different holiday times, bla bla)…

Anyone got any bright ideas?

I would also be interested to know if anybody has any useful tips for helping the kids get through the minefield of divorced/separated parents and their holiday plans. Arianna Huffington, for example wrote an article about how she and her ex husband successfully manage to go away together with their children every summer and Christmas. I wonder if that would work in our case. Perhaps I should suggest it. All six kids would be happy, their parents would all be in the same place, albeit with swapped around partners. Hmmm.