EXAM ROUTINE

My daughter, son and I have settled into a spectacularly good routine as regards the mornings she has her exams. We are on a roll. One of those bumpy, picking up speed, accelerating sort of rolls that nobody likes at the start of the day.

I wake them both up at 7am and they ignore me several times. I take my daughter in a cup of tea so that she feels important.

Son then wee’s all over loo seat and she shouts (so do I) about remembering to put the loo seat up when you live with females.

School clothes eventually found, but it is never simple. Today it seems I have no socks that match. At all. Having just hidden lovely black socks that I can work in – somebody has even found those.

Daughter certainly has no tights without holes – although this was going a little too far – she’d have had to say she’d fallen down a mountain or off a motorbike to get away with this pair:-

There is then a heated discussion about what song to listen to whilst eating – for the last week it seems that the latest Maroon Five release is our household song of choice. I like it. Very good. But there are some unnecessary swear words (which my daughter would disagree with saying its expressive language and fine) but it’s a little disconcerting having the children singing along to “one more fucking love song I’ll be sick”…so early in the morning.

Today I cooked scrambled eggs but it isn’t to everybody’s liking and I briefly note that whilst my daughter has been a mad thing every night before the exam panicking about her lack of knowledge – generally speaking on the actual morning of the exams she is calm and collected and almost, dare I say it, ready. However, the next minute there is a flurry of fury from daughter because nobody understands how difficult it is doing exams and that I’m being super selfish about something irrelevant. She can’t find everything she needs at that moment. My 11 year old son, is suddenly seeming calm and reasonable in comparison.

He is still glowing from his triumph yesterday and looking forward to another presentation today in the form of his end of year football presentation – hours and hours of manager talk and player awards and I. Can. Hardly. Wait.

He discussed his ideas for the summer holidays over breakfast this morning “I’ve found a summer camp I”d really like to go to – it sounds really fun, but it’s really expensive, so I was thinking that maybe if you just give me the money instead, I could have just as fun a time doing other stuff”.

Nice try.

Even the journey to school is stressful. I am trying to listen to Radio 4 news and my daughter thinks that too is selfish. She, like every other morning for the last two years wants to listen to Olly Murs LOUDLY because she loves him and because “I NEED TO LISTEN TO SOME RELAXING MUSIC THAT WILL CALM ME DOWN BEFORE MY PHYSICS EXAM – NOT STUFF ABOUT THE EGYPTIAN ELECTION AND IRAN’S NUCLEAR CAPACITY”…..

Olly Murs it is then.

Physics. Good grief. I really don’t blame her for being a little stressed. I’m sorry to all of you out there who love physics – I know that without it we wouldn’t understand magnetism and power sources and light and sounds and gravity and stuff but honestly….it’s just too boring for words and apart from taking the powers of attraction and repulsion into my fascination with relationships and psychology I don’t think that I’ve done any Physics since my GCSE which I spectacularly messed up.

SO. GOOD LUCK TO MY GORGEOUS DAUGHTER. She will now be all calm and I will CARRY ON BEING STRESSED ALL DAY ON HER BEHALF.