How appropriate that my legs were so sore this morning they physically didn’t want to walk me into the church to say goodbye and celebrate the life of my lovely friend.
Gloria Hunniford said of her daughter’s funeral:-
“Funerals are not events; they are a function of death; they force punctuation on an ever-growing sense of disbelief. And yet, amid the haze and pain, what is really odd is that you want to look your best. You want it to be a ‘good’ funeral. You want to pay tribute to the person who has gone. You want to let those who loved them take part, and as terrible as you feel, you want it to be a celebration of that person’s life”.
It was most certainly a celebration of her life. There were beautiful songs – “Amazing Grace” was the first hymn we sang but I actually couldn’t read the words through my tears, so only managed to sing every other line. I made a grave error of judgement. I took loo roll, rather than tissues which meant that by the end of the service I had little bits of tissue stuck all over my face, on my lip gloss, everywhere.
There was a beautiful poem which was read by a friend who made it sound like her voice – as if she was talking:-
DEATH IS NOTHING AT ALL
I have only slipped away into the next room
I am I and you are you
Whatever we were to each other
That we are still
Call me by my old familiar name
Speak to me in the easy way you always used
Put no difference into your tone
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow
Laugh as we always laughed
At the little jokes we always enjoyed together
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was
Let it be spoken without effort
Without the ghost of a shadow in it
Life means all that it ever meant
It is the same as it ever was
There is absolute unbroken continuity
What is death but a negligible accident?
Why should I be out of mind
Because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you for an interval
Somewhere very near
Just around the corner
All is well.
Nothing is past; nothing is lost
One brief moment and all will be as it was before
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!
Canon Henry Scott-Holland, 1847-1918, Canon of St Paul’s Cathedral
There was a beautiful tribute and a band played and the whole service honoured her life just as it should have and that is why her husband, her parents, her sister and all her friends found the strength to get through it all when probably all they want to do is curl up in a corner and cry.
I introduced myself to her parents and her mother talked effusively about the night she met Camilla and how much it had meant to her and as Gloria said “seeing all my daughter’s friends was hard, but also wonderful. It’s a living photo album to remind me that she had lived a full and fabulous life. That’s why it is so important to go to the funeral – more than anything, you want to know that your loved one’s life meant something. If their death has had an effect on people, it is because their life did. On the day of the funeral that is all you have to hold on to. As overwhelming as it is to face a crowd on what is the worst day of your life, seeing an empty church wold be worse”.
The church was completely and utterly packed.
TheMadHouse
May 17, 2010It sounds like a fitting tribute for a wonderful woman
English Mum
May 17, 2010Funerals eh? They are both a wonderful tribute and a terrible ordeal. I remember my own friend’s funeral well. Her sister in law, my friend ‘Mrs Lovely’ (no better name) read out a letter that my friend had written (and edited compulsively) during the last few weeks of her life. It was so weird to hear her ‘talking’ to us for the last time. I sobbed like a baby while her children sat, ramrod straight in the front row with such dignity I felt quite ashamed.
Chic Mama
May 17, 2010What a moving reading. X
Hayley
May 17, 2010Hun I cried reading that poem, how moving. No wonder you had loo roll on your face! But I suspect had your friend been there you would have giggled about that together!
Thinking of you tonight, no doubt your emotionally exhausted. xxx
eyelinner tips
May 18, 2010Hello, I googled FUNERAL FOR A FRIEND | Family Affairs and your web-site was in the primary few websites, you have to be doing something suitable for google to like your posts so much. Have you ever considered blogging for money?
Family Affairs
May 18, 2010Errr. Yup Lx
janelle
May 18, 2010too beautiful. and what a poignant poem. i am rubbish at funerals. since my mother’s. i avoid them. i can’t handle them. i would’ve been a mess. lots lots love xxx j
Mud
May 18, 2010So sorry, but what a wonderful tribute.
xx
Katherine Aponta
May 18, 2010I once considered of a serious formula for a happy wedding while riding next a to pool! It seemed to me like a strong theme so I tried it in my marriage and the outcomes were Fabulous. This is what I noted while sitting next to the pond. It’s really very funny, a stone is so much harder than water people dive into water but not on rocks and yet look what chances when the hard stone falls into the irrigate; the water plunges to stone until you don’t see it any longer.
Family Affairs
May 18, 2010I have no idea what you are talking about Lx
Expat Mum
May 18, 2010When and if you get a translation, please pass it on!
Jane Alexander
May 18, 2010Oh heck, lovey.. I suppose there is comfort in that it was a good service. I can never forget the funeral of a friend – must be 12 years ago now – that was just so very very wrong. She had been estranged from her parents for years and we just sat there shaking our heads, wondering who on earth the vicar was talking about.
Friends shouldn’t die though…it’s all wrong. Big hug and a large brandy from Exmoor. jxxxxxx
Family Affairs
May 18, 2010Thanks lovely Lx
Jon Storey
May 18, 2010Funerals, at once devastating, thought provoking and so often, the most of uplifting occasions…..
Mad
May 18, 2010So sad. What a lovely poem to have chosen, though.
Mad x
Expat Mum
May 18, 2010I want that read at my funeral.
Anyway, whenever anyone wonders out loud whether it’s “appropriate” to attend someone’s funeral, I think of my dad’s packed service and what it meant to us. Always, always attend if you can – to pay tribute to that person and to comfort the family.
DivaNZ
May 31, 2010The most stunning reading. I am off to a memorial now and this is so fitting. Thank you.
I am sorry for you loss