So at the time of writing, having just come back from Glastonbury, I’ve lost my passport, my debit card, my dignity and my mind…I’m hoping that in the very near future at least two of these things will reappear, but it’s not particularly impressive is it – especially when I’m a mother of three adult children (who sadly weren’t there this year to look after me!).
They’re not going to be particularly impressed, given I spend my entire time telling them not to lose things. Although some of it was a little blurry, I thought I’d share some of our Glastonbury 2023 highlights for us oldies whilst it’s still vaguely fresh in my addled mind, if only so that I can remember who we saw in a few months time.
It’s going to take me a while to recalibrate what brain cells I have left and settle back into the real world because, of course the “lonely coming down” is an actual thing when the Glastonbury bubble has burst. It will also no doubt take me a while to find someone to give me an urgent liver transplant and a hip replacement at the same time. It’s four days of pure hedonistic joy, where you feel love for everyone there (mainly for Lewis Capaldi) and it’s a space in which you don’t even care that Russia has gone mad because you’re more worried about whether the Foo Fighters are really going to be playing in the slot allocated to the “ChurnUps” (who no one had heard of – but that’s not something I would normally notice as I haven’t heard of most of the acts playing at Glastonbury – when we went to watch Stefflon Don, I thought her name was Steff London) or whether Pulp were going to be doing a secret gig somewhere (and that’s not to mention the incessant rumours about Taylor Swift, Harry Styles, Dua Lipa, Ed Sheeran (twice), Kiki Dee and so on and so forth – but two rumours that might come true next year because there’s a nice Glasto shaped hole in Harry Styles and Taylor Swift’s tour dates for next year – which also means that it’s very probable that 1975 will be booked in if they’re still together).
It’s harder to deal with the whole entire experience when you’re older than the average age of 45. Everything becomes more difficult – walking, dancing, getting up on someone’s shoulders (ha ha, you’re joking, that was never going to happen – although a young lad did sweetly offer), getting through the crowds, singing, eating, drinking and mainly weeing. But if you want a top tip from an old person – I find that if you drink copious amounts of alcohol consistently through the day (starting with a Bloody Mary or a Margarita at 11.30am and then mainly a wine drip) and avoid drinking the boring old water that’s weighing down your bag even more (even during an exceptionally hot few days) then you hardly need to face the long-drop loo’s at all owing to excessive dehydration. Genius, except that you risk losing things that way, owing to a serious depletion of brain cells mentioned previously. I chose the sartorially inelegant route this year of having to wear walking boots – which helped a bit. At least I didn’t look like someone who was about to give birth by the end of the very long day, like last year. Although I did wear the sparkly top that nearly caused my arms to fall off last year owing to serious chaffing. This year I just kept my hands on my hips or up in the air the entire time and all was well.
Eight of us usually go as a group and for me the best bit is to spend four glorious days laughing and being silly with them – and you meet a lot of other randomers along the way, who become your new best friends. Of course the music is important, but we don’t try and get too close to the front anymore – it’s just too busy (post covid) and so we can barely see the artists on stage by the time we’ve found a spot up high up and far away from the madding crowds. We’d spent a lot of time before the event listening to every artist and writing a list of who we wanted to see – and then promptly forgot to re-address it when we arrived, because frankly it didn’t matter who I saw as long as I was with my friends. Admittedly we survive because we’re in an off site campsite that has hot water in the showers and bacon butties for breakfast – but it’s still an effort having to carry the innards of a wine box (a bladder) around all day, plus gin and tins of tonic and various spirits in a hip flask and cups, I’m like a pack horse during my 30K steps a day – it’s no wonder my knees were buckling by the end of the night (nothing to do with the level of alcohol consumed obviously). My backpack is lighter, but my body (and my bladder) is heavier and slightly worse for wear and trying to get through the crowds after Elton, holding hands in a line and slowly weaving our way through the middle of the field is very hard work and it’s a constant surprise to me that we all managed to stay upright.
We watched quite a few bands up at The Park – or met friends near there. It’s a great sized stage and space and it’s near The Ribbon Tower and the iconic Glastonbury sign:-
The Ribbon Tower
It was glorious weather and quite a few people suffered from sun stroke. We saw all sorts of bands (albeit less than usual due to the crowds) and these were some of my highlights:-
Cat Stevens
He was playing in the Legend slot – his first time at Glastonbury and he was sublime. I’ve loved him forever and knew all the words to almost every song. He oozed peace and love and his songs still stand up over time regarding climate change (Where Will The Children Play) and war torn areas (Wild World). We all watched it together and got quite emotional.
My friends
Lewis Capaldi
Hard to watch. I love him and I’ve seen the documentary and everyone was rooting for him. I even sang when he asked us all to help him out. He was as funny and self-deprecating as ever, with the voice of a sweary angel. He took his top off at one point and bared his soul. But his ticks have got way worse and when he told us he was losing his voice (even though he still sounded perfect to us), it was heartbreaking, because you could see his frustration and emotion. He’s subsequently announced he’s cancelling the rest of his tour to work on his mental health, which has got to be done. I just hope he finds a way to manage his Tourette’s so that he can still do the thing he loves doing the most and can make a comeback next year. The Red Arrows flying over were extraordinary – as Lewis noted – for a moment a few of us thought we were all f’d as something was about to get dropped on us…but no one would have cared at that moment in time – we were all too busy holding him up. He was so brave for putting himself out there.
Elton John
Well it goes without saying that it felt as if all 120,000 of us loved every minute. Hit after hit – he played all his old bangers and that’s the way to do it at a festival like Glastonbury. Felt like an incredibly seminal moment as he bade farewell to his touring days and it was a real privilege to be there.
Elton John lookalike
Elton John at Glastonbury
The Glitter Fairies came to our group:-
Glitter face
Sparks
Surprisingly surreal and brilliant, with a guest appearance from none other than Cate Blanchett who did a strange little dance in a yellow trouser suit and green glasses – something to do with a previous video for “The Girl Is Crying In Her Latte”. When she was introduced, I was convinced it was her doppelgänger and it wasn’t until the next day it was confirmed that we’d witnessed one of the more extraordinary highlights of the festival. She is a goddess and the whole thing was rapturously bonkers, but kept us dancing from beginning to end.
Kate Blanchett with Sparks
Rick Astley
Another surprising highlight in his salmon suit. With his self-deprecation and joie de vivre he kept us all rocking at midday on Saturday. Even the security staff had a pre-planned dance routine. He played the drums to the first ACDC song he ever learnt – “Highway To Hell”, twirling the drum sticks and getting his trousers stuck in the pedals. He was lovely to all his band members and to the crowd – telling us all to put on our factor 50 and wear a hat. He just seemed really happy to be there – a great guy who also did a secret show with The Blossoms where he played Smith’s songs for the entire set.
Fred Again
Didn’t see all of their set as we were rushing of to Sparks, but they were sensational. Definitely the electronic act of the moment and so talented. He can sing, play the piano, drums (well an electronic version), move and fiddle with all that technology whilst ramping up the crowd and smiling and being delighted to be there all at the same time. AND, he loves his sister, dedicating a new song called “Obong” to her which had “I adore you” all the way through and he told the crowd to “make some noise for your siblings, your sisters and brothers in the most beautiful place on earth.” Clearly overwhelmed, they did a fantastic job and the crowd loved them.
Texas
Fabulous. She smashed it.
Sophie Ellis-Bexter
Fabulous. She also smashed it in a gold ensemble and high heeled shoes.
Lana Del Rey
She certainly did not smash it. She f*cked it. All the super fans forgave her, but for those of us who like her voice and know “Video Games” and hadn’t appreciated her new concept album, we were just a bit confused and pissed off to be kept waiting in the dark (because clearly management were making it obvious her lateness was nothing to do with them) for half an hour. Presumably she was making a diva-esque point about not only being put on the “Other” stage, but having her name down low on the listings – as the list is in alphabetical order, she might like to change her name to Ana Del Ray if she ever gets invited back. We watched her extraordinary show for 30 astonishing minutes before they cut her mike. During that time she writhed, had her hair brushed, smoked her vape, took her shoes off, commented on how f’g late she was because of her hair and all the while we wondered if she was alright. I don’t know her new conceptual album at all and by all accounts it’s excellent, so I might just have to go and give it a listen. But that’s after the time it takes to forgive her for thinking that being a diva at Glastonbury is acceptable – if Elton John and Paul McCartney can turn up on time for their allocated slot then so can she. When they cut her mike and the lights went out, she dropped to her knees and pleaded with the sound guys – but we all knew it wasn’t going to happen. So it begs the question – how did she not know she was going to miss playing us 6 more songs?
Still, our crowd had fun drinking Cointreau and Tequila:-
Lana del Ray waiting time….
Arctic Monkeys
Really enjoyed their set, but to be honest we were late because of the Sparks gig and were a bit too squashed and pissed to fully appreciate it. It also took us a very long time to get back to our campsite owing to a hopeless sense of direction and not being able to read the map.
The Lathams
Amazing! I hadn’t heard of them but will definitely add them to my playlist. Very cool in a weird kind of way and the lead singer has a beautiful voice.
Generation Sex
Billy Idol and Tony James from Generation X on stage with Steve Jones and Paul Cook from the Sex Pistols. I’ve never seen so many male boomers in the crowd hoping they weren’t going to damage their necks whilst punk rocking. It was great!
Billy Idol
Third World
A blast from my university past so my girlfriend and I rushed up to the West Holt stage to hear them sing “36 Degrees In The Shade” (which it genuinely was that day – barely any shade to be found anywhere and it was bloody hot) and fondly reminisced. You can see how hot we were in this photo:-
Me and my friend – very hot!
The Pretenders
We saw Chrissy Hynde last time she played at Glastonbury, so decided to watch Lizzo instead (who was great), but it’s going to take me a while to get over my FOMO as we subsequently heard that Dave Grohl played drums and Johnny Marr and Paul McCartney joined her on stage. WTAF??? She had more impressive guests on stage than Elton did.
Loyle Carner
One of my son’s favourite artists. Missed him too, having seen him last time and went to Lana Del-ay instead – wish I’d seen him though. His set looked amazing and he seems like such a genuinely lovely guy. We also missed Christine and The Queens who I’d also seen before at Glasto (the morning after the referendum vote, when it was pissing with rain and we were all feeling miserable). Her set looked powerful and brave as she danced topless. I wish I’d been there too.
Blondie
Her voice was a bit weak, but we forgave her as we belted out hit after hit from Parallel Lines, an album I grew up with. Very special and enjoyable and she looked incredible.
My friends
Psychedelic
We had to hit the long drop loo between Blondie and Elton – can anyone explain what’s going on in the loo next to me? Those silver cowboy boots are hovering above the floor. Cowboy boots were everywhere btw – not something I’d have been able to wear for more than two minutes:-
The drop loos
Lil Nas X
Well, I’m old, so I didn’t know much about him – I’ve since updated myself and am now an avid fan. Obviously, given the crowds, most of us stuck to The Pyramid Stage from Cat Stevens onwards on Sunday. It was hard enough to get to a loo, let alone try and get to another stage. I really wanted to see Barrington Levy play his reggae set, but there was no chance I’d get there, see anything and then get back to ever find my friends again, so I had to give it a miss. Lil Nas gave us a spectacular show and it was really impressive (from what I could see from the back) – a watershed moment by all accounts.
Foo Fighters
I’m embarrassed to admit that we booked a restaurant for the time that the Foo Fighters were coming on stage for their surprise gig. It was up in the Unfair Playground in a red room. I’m not entirely sure that you should have sit down evening meals when there’s so much music to see (although we did catch up with our other crowd of friends), but it was an experience nevertheless. The food wasn’t great, but the pianist and guitarist couple were pretty good and it got even better when Lily Allen’s dad, Keith got on stage to start off the bingo. All very bizarre.
My friends
Some of us (not me) headed to The New York Meatpacking District club afterwards:-
The nightclub vibe
So there we have it. Another year over as the sun goes down on old Worthy Farm and Elton dedicates that song to his mate George Michael who would have been 60 that day. An extraordinary few days of love and laughter and if I’ve recovered in a year’s time, I’d happily do it all again from Wednesday 26th – Sunday 30th June 2024. Hopefully see you all there!!!
Sunset Glastonbury
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