I rang my mother to sing her “Happy Birthday” from our wet and windy breast cancer charity walk early this morning. We managed to finish the walk in quite good time without any problems and (so far) I’ve still got my toenails.
I found the perfect card for her:-
When we were young, she used to give us a boiled egg and soldiers for our tea every day of the year. How easy was that? Lucky for me then that they’ve just announced that eating loads of eggs a week is good for you.
I really love my mother. Actually she’s one of my best friends, which is all I could hope for. It struck me the other day when I was thinking about the complexities of the mother/daughter relationship that when we were growing up, although she made it clear when she wasn’t happy, she always managed to avoid judging us. She has advised only when asked. Otherwise she has successfully managed to keep her mouth shut (except once when I was at college when she wrote me a letter she tried to extract from the post box having put it in). If my daughter and I end up being as close I will feel I have done a good job – and how difficult is it going to be trying not to give my opinion at all times on my children’s behaviour? Virtually impossible and a real art.
Janelle
May 17, 2009god lulu. sounds really serious. jamani. pole sana! that sms made me well up…i think you are also being incredibly sensible and far sighted…yes. you have good things to get on with…thinking of you. XXX janelle
Fat, frumpy and fifty...
May 17, 2009well you are very brave and full of integrity putting your kids first and jot embroiling them in this latest drama. I am assuming probably wrongly, that BB is throwing his emotional weight about and making it more heavy man that needs be….
SO you are quite rightly shoring up your brood unto yourself mother hen like, as you do…in fact I think your ex, BB, his ex and their poor poor kids should all leave you alone for a month and then regroup and have a latte together, you and BB..(which always helps I find!)
if you can wait that long….which I doubt…brave brave you…I admire your insightfullness and objectivity… this time!!
keep us posted, please, however vague and uninformative you choose to be…
Expat mum
May 17, 2009You’re right about being there for GCSE boy. That is a very stressful time given that you’re usually studying for a least 5 subjects that you loathe but have to do.
I think BB has some work to do by himself; part of my opinion stems from the fact that he, altho’ lovingly, stopped you from saying what you wanted to say in the pub the other night, by telling you how great you looked, and totally bowling you over. They are diversionary tactics and not good for problem-solving.
Anyway, sending good vibes to you in a most stressful time. I have one kid who hasn’t handed a few homework pieces in and it’s doing me in, so you’re coping far better than I would.
david mcmahon
May 17, 2009Came here from FF&F. My idea of culinary heaven in my childhood was boiled egg and toast soldiers!
Brother no.1
May 18, 2009We didn’t have a boiled egg EVERY night. Sometimes we got a sausage to wrap up in some white bread….
Hope BB stuff gets sorted out
Xx
'm'
May 18, 2009Teenagers often come out with the most unexpected things…However, for what it is worth, I think you are doing the right thing; whatever is going on (and we can only but guess), it sounds as if it could all get horribly out of control. You need to put yourself and the children first. Give it time, get on with the exams, and all the other crap life chucks at us and wait to see what filters out at the bottom. Big hugs L (btw great fun the other night) XXX
Wife in Hong Kong
May 18, 2009I hope you find the time and space to work out what is right and best for you and your brood.
Can’t help harbouring a sneeking suspicion that ex-wife has cleverly engineered all this but it sounds as if you need to work things out alone so good luck!
Anonymous
May 18, 2009I think you’re right not to want to be sucked into all of this and this is therefore what you need to make clear to BB and your ex. You tell ex hubby that you are only prepared to discuss YOUR children with him and that what goes on with BB, his ex and his children is not up for discussion. You do the same with BB – tell him that when he is with you ex wife and ex husband and now no longer topics of conversation. You have said before that he is a lovely father to his children. HOld that thought and you can judge for yourself when you are all together. Teenage son has made is clear that your brood are unaffected by recent events, which is good. You need to extract yourself from being everyones sounding board and get on with your life. You need to lay down the law and then maybe, just maybe you can make good of this untenable situation. DON’T ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE SUCKED IN ANYMORE! X X X
English Mum
May 18, 2009Bless him. What a lovely lad. If he’s anything to go by, it sounds like you’re just as good a Mum as yours was x
karen
May 18, 2009that message from your teenager is so very touching.. well done for doing that walk! good for you.. x
TheBlonde
May 18, 2009the boiled agg situation rang some bells…..my mum bought a slowcooker when I was about 8, and from that point we had casseroles every night until I left home (even when the weather was positively sweltering)
Roz xxx
PS Bless your lovely boy
Mary T
May 18, 2009I think the world of my mother too and I desperately wanted to have daughters so that I could replicate that with them. I have however got two sons but they’re lovely so I can’t complain!
Dulwich Divorcee
May 18, 2009Your instinct in Florida was that you needed time to think and I’m sure you’re right. BB will wait. Your boy sounds fab xx
Littlemummy
May 18, 2009Have same concerns about getting the relationship right with my own daughter, and as you know she’s only three!
It’s ok at the moment though, she tells me every five minutes she loves me (I’m making the most of it!)
family affairs
May 18, 2009Thanks J – yes it is serious but I do have stuff to be getting on with Lx
Thx FFF – you are completely right – he is throwing his weight about Lx
EM you are so right – he is the king of diversionary tactics I have to say and now is not the time to allow myself to be enthralled yet again – too much at stake Lx
Glad to hear it David, but I’m assuming you didn’t have to eat them every night, which is enough to put anyone off! Lx
OH YES Brother No.1 – I forgot about the sausage wrapped in white bread – she really pushed the boat out on the odd occasion didn’t she Lx
Thanks “m” wise words as ever – yes could easily get out of hand so going to keep my head down for the moment Lx
WIHK – you may be right and that is why BB so cross because he predicted it, but nevertheless – makes it even worse if some people are really manipulating the situation! Lx
I suspect my anon comment comes from my friend “F’? Such good advice – will try and steer clear of all the detail and avoid getting sucked in any further – I seem to be the only one who can see all sides – and that is doing my head in!!
Thanks EM lovely comment x
Thanks Karen – aren’t teenage boys surprising sometimes!
TheBlonde – I think I’d have preferred a casserole to an egg Lx
Mary T – lucky you to have two gorgeous boys!
Thanks for the reminder DD of what I said – time. Yes. Need to stick to that for the moment Lx
Enjoy LM all those “I love you’s” – although mine still say it a lot! Lx
Exmoorjane
May 19, 2009Seems like everyone has already said the sensible stuff so just commenting to send a virtual hug and hope things clear a little for you soon. That text would have made me sob – what a total sweetheart.
Think it’s so true that you can’t see the wood for the trees when you’re in the middle of something. Yup, time and space called for IMHO.
Jxxxxxx
Frankofile
May 19, 2009Ditto to all. Bit of perspective is always good – for you, I can see that you are surrounded by people who (in their own sweet or not so sweet way) love you. For me, I’ve just come back from a weekend away and felt moved to clear away some clutter. Mm that feels better!
Lluvia
May 19, 2009Ha, at least everyone there knows who is everyone else. Imagine the drama if you were all trying to figure out that, too!
Mud in the City
May 19, 2009Love & hugs Lulu – and we're always here if you need some (virtual) support. Don't forget to look after yourself!
xx