Happy Mother’s Day to you all…even though I’m thinking about all those people out there who don’t have their mothers anymore, or who aren’t mother’s themselves. It pains me that the day has become quite so commercial and tonight, I will have two out of three of my children for dinner and two other’s who don’t have their mothers around for various reasons.
RIGHT NOW however, I am home alone. My own mother declined an invitation for lunch and my son only remembered to book our lunch time meal out yesterday and consequently we are going out at 6pm. My daughter is at university and my two son’s are out playing football. This is not ideal. However, I am making the most of the glorious sunshine and writing. What could be better than a day of perfect peace?
My daughter has sent me some flowers with a delightful hand-written card, which she clearly forgot to fill in:-
So I just want to do a little shout out to my own mother who doesn’t really believe in Mother’s Day and wouldn’t want us all making a huge fuss of her. I think she’d rather that we forgot the day than showered her with gifts (at least I hope that is the case). I am feeling the same, aside from a hand written card, I don’t want anything. So far I’ve had a text from my son, which is not quite the effort I had in mind, but really, the main thing is to be very thankful for what we have got.
My mother has taught me a thing or two about having children and how to manage the thorny path of motherhood. There are no rights or wrongs to parenthood and basically none of us know what we are doing, but when the going gets tough? That’s when we should all be able to fall back on those who love us unconditionally. I have learnt that when my children make mistakes, my job is to manage the situation as best I can. Offering words of advice as well as support where possible. Listening is key and sometimes it’s all you can do because you know they have to deal with things their own way and in their own time. The only thing we must try to do at all times is to be there for them no matter what. To let them know you love them even when you don’t like their behaviour and to hope that they will reach the right decisions in the end. We can but hope that what we have engendered, deep in their hearts, will be a strong enough determination to find the right path for themselves.
It’s not easy and my path has been littered with unexpected hand grenades that I have not always found easy to manage on my own and that is where, quietly and powerfully, my mother has stepped in with her words of advice. Normally she gives the same advice, depending on the magnitude of the issue:-
1. Watch this space
2. Be bamboo and sway in the wind
3. If you don’t know what to do, do nothing
4. You can’t fart against thunder
I try not to repeat these to my children as I’ve never been very good at doing nothing, but I am increasingly finding that all the above advice is useful and I am very grateful that she has stuck by me through thick and thin. More than that she is extremely proud of her three children and all that we have achieved. I hope that my children will know that I feel the same about them. Even when they have fucked up beyond anything I would have expected, I have found ways to be proud of them. Found elements of the people they will eventually become, even during the depths of despair and I hope, like I know of my own mother, they will know that the only thing I can promise them is that I will love them wholeheartedly forever. No. Matter. What.
PS: MY DAUGHTER HAS JUST ARRIVED HOME – WOOHOO.