HOLIDAYS AND THE SINGLE PARENT

Holidays, when you’re a single parent can be a nightmare. Where to go? What to do? Who to go with? Are you brave enough to take your children to a foreign country, hire a car and do it all on your own? I’m not.

It’s not just “what to do with them when you’ve got them?” either. It’s “what to do with yourself when you haven’t got them?” as well. For the next 10 days my children are on holiday with their father. In the past I would have definitely had to go away – stay with my mother, go and see friends, plan things, but I don’t feel the need to do that anymore. This time, I decided that a week in my house on my own would be bearable. Enjoyable almost…..although it hasn’t quite worked out like that – just as well I didn’t go away because whilst my youngest son has gone away with his father, stepmother and step siblings, my daughter is away with friends in Spain but is back on Monday and my eldest son has got to work a bit so is in and out and generally about.

It is getting easier over time – particularly as the kids get older. In the early stages not only did it feel like a knife through the heart to not be with my children on holiday, I couldn’t be in the house on my own. Couldn’t bear the silence. As they get older plans become a little more fluid and I have become a little more used to the new world order. Over time I have become less rigid about “the rules” and about what should and shouldn’t happen. Kids start to make their own plans too. The trick is to put a different spin on all scenarios. “EIGHT KIDS TO TAKE ON HOLIDAY???” WOOHOO. “NO KIDS AROUND?” WOOHOO TOO.

I’ve taught myself to get used to the quiet times – don’t get me wrong, it can still be hard, but trying to live in the moment helps as does attempting to enjoy the peace and quiet, rather than dread them. I have moved on. I am no longer terrified of my own company. I can be in the house alone and in fact have almost come to relish it. My daughter (who I am of course missing but not in a way that is going to ruin my life) is having the time of her life with a friend of mine and some girlfriends in Spain. Having had to get used to my oldest son being away for 5 months earlier this year for his Gap year has helped – you learn to adapt – I guess it’s all part of letting go and allowing them to enjoy their independence. In addition not not having my daughter here has been quite relaxing because I can be certain of several things:-

My make-up is where I left it.
My new top is where I left it.
My new shoes are where I left them.

I don’t have to hide things.

Although it seems that she is even costing me money from afar….

She sent me a text this morning:-

“Hi mama chica! All good havin loads of fun! How r u? Not much goss, also my phone is broken nd calls ppl randomly nd won’t let me hang up, so it may cost loads”xxx

Great.

TURN IT OFF I said in marginally less aggressive manner

“I can’t do that – I need it for emergencies when we are all out and also the glass is broken so every time I text I get a splinter…”

Well, yes of course she needs to keep it on. So who is going to have to pick up that expense then?