Are you missing your children and feeling a little empty nest-ish? My youngest has gone back to university and the house is quiet as a mouse for the first time in a month. It is also clean and tidy. Towels are folded in the cupboard and will stay there for a while now. Shoes are neatly arranged by the front door. The sitting room doesn’t have a duvet and pillow at the ready or at least three bodies lying somewhere on the sofa. “Friends” is not running on a loop on the TV.
So it’s a matter of being careful what you wish for when the house is full because now I’m home alone and wondering what to do with myself. That’s unless you are trying to re-bond with the father of your children and are going on a date night, in which case good luck.
I could WhatsApp my children on our Fam group, but it’s Friday night and they will ignore me. I could call my youngest, but it will go to voicemail. If I leave a message saying that I need to give him some more money, he will call back, but otherwise, forget it.
So I’m thinking about doing some or all of the following:-
Cancel that BT Sport direct debit you have been paying forever although you had no idea why. They will call immediately. So will, it turns out, quite a few of your friends who have been using your password unbeknownst to you.
Get all the towels out, one by one and toss them around the house with gay abandon. Throw them down the stairs. Enjoy stepping over them all evening.
Kick all the shoes around the house.
Open a packet of crisps or two and throw them around, then tread on them. Leave the packets under the sofa cushions, not very well hidden.
Drop a few glasses onto the floor and pick up the large bits of glass but leave most of the shards lying around.
Pour a bottle of squash or some tonic water all over the counter and floor of kitchen and smear it around a bit – leave to dry. Really fun to walk through, especially when mixed with the glass and it will definitely make you think your children are all still somewhere in da house (asleep).
Pick up lots of dirty socks from wash basket and drop those around for added aromas.
Turn every light on in the house.
Empty the fridge almost completely – leaving a few empty packets and take the lid off the milk and throw it on the floor.
Drink all the wine (yes I know it’s Ginuary, but needs must).
Remember where you’ve hidden your gin supply and drink that as well.
Once you have drunk all the wine, you will be fine!!
Dance around your kitchen with VERY loud music. That way even the neighbours will think your children are home and be delighted (not).
I could go on, but you get the picture….
OR you could take a look around your glistening house and head out to the pub to meet your friends!
Enjoy the weekend, whatever you choose to do.