I have come to this book quite late in the day – it was finally published in 2014 after a high court battle between him and his ex-wife to have certain sections of his book banned. What an extraordinary book by James Rhodes, called Instrumental, A Memoir of Madness, Medication and Music and I would urge you to read it. Not only is it a searingly honest account about being brutally and persistently raped by a teacher at his primary school from the age of six (SIX!! FFS) onwards and how he dealt with (or mostly didn’t deal with) the ongoing and relentless fucked-up-ness he had to endure as a result, but it is a beautiful, redemptive ode to music. In particular, classical music, of which I know very little and understand even less. This book brought all the great composers to life for me in a way that I haven’t ever experienced before and if he can do that for me, then he can do that for you.
It’s a very hard book to read. Painful and raw beyond. But hope emerges from the ashes and he has a lot to say amidst the swear words. He’s right that classical music suffers from an elitism that most of us fear. We don’t all want to go and watch people play instruments wearing ball gowns and tuxedo’s. We want to understand the people behind the music and sit with a glass of wine, wearing jeans and simply enjoy it in a casual way. We want it to be normalised to the point where you are able to relate to the power of the music and the story behind the facade.
He successfully does this. In a mind-blowing sort of way.
He picks the damn lot up and drops it on the floor, kicks it about, screams and shouts at it and through it all finds a different way to be. A way that means he can be himself. As honest and as damaged as that is, his writing is not only refreshing, but life changing. What he went through is horrific beyond and I truly feel for him and all the people who were close to him for what was endured.
But. He has made it through to the other side. Bearing the scars and moulding his new landscape. With humour, truth and kindness. He writes a lot about the love he has for his soulmate Hattie, so I’m hoping that the rumours aren’t true that they are no longer together…he had such high hopes for their future together.
But beyond his personal battles and love story, there is another level to this book and if that is the way to find a new audience to enjoy classical music, then I’m in.
I’ve already booked to go and see him in January when he plays at an Intelligence Squared event at County Hall.
I listened to every piece of music he describes at the beginning of each chapter and it’s a way of presenting his story like no other I’ve ever come across, but it works. Messy, angry and painful as it is, it gave me an insight into the music that I’d never experience before. “Can you imagine being in that head?” he says of Chopin. Well the same goes for him. His descriptions of pain, suffering, psychiatric units, self harming should be read by everyone. This book will help a lot of people deal with their demons and he speaks from the depths of his heart.
This piece he plays called the Bach-Busoni Chaconne is his favourite piece of music, the one he says he “carried around in his heart since the age of seven, that had got me through rocky, desperate, brutal years” and once you’ve read the book, this music takes on a whole new level of meaning.
