My Little Boat of Life is hardly a Disney Cruise ship:-
I am getting lots of advice from friends (which usually happens when I have hit a bit of a wall) about life and it all really is a little confusing – the advice that is. Some are happily content as a couple and urge me to find a partner before it’s too late (when is too late really too late?) – this is possibly any partner really, rather than “the one” – because frankly we all know that “the one” may well not exist in real life and compromises have to be made. Others are urging me to get on with my life as a single white (ageing) female and do all those things I wanted to do. Like what? I am wondering. Others say I really shouldn’t be focusing on the children because they will be leaving the nest quite soon and I will be left alone….
It really is quite depressing this getting old business, especially when doing it alone.
I made some big, big decisions recently and now I’m on my own. With my children. Wondering what life is all about. I decided that being on my own was important, for lots of reasons that I can’t now remember. I haven’t really spent enough time alone to work everything out. What I do know, however, is that I don’t really like being on my own.
In my little boat of life I have always filled it, brimming to the top, with family and friends, probably sometimes too full, so that I have had to bail out water or even throw someone off the side from time to time. When my marriage broke down, my boat capsised and I felt as if it was all I could do to cling on to the sides in the very rough sees. It was even tempting to let go from time to time and watch my entire life disappear to the bottom of the sea. But no, I scrambled back on a bedraggled wreck with my children and got on with it.
My little boat is currently adrift. Again. Looking for a harbour in which to anchor. Which after all is sort of what we all want isn’t it? A place – not necessarily that we call home – but a place where we feel we fit in.
I kind of can’t see at all where I’m going at the moment and that is a very big worry for me. I’m not sure why things aren’t clear because I’m not in the middle of a storm. Seas are currently calm – boringly so if I’m honest. This is possibly one of the most dangerous places for me to be because what can happen is I can very easily turn around and go back to where I felt safe because it wasn’t that bad after all. Or I could carry on searching, which is difficult because I really haven’t got a clue what I am looking for.
So what to do?
Maybe sailing lessons is the answer.
Trish
November 25, 2013I came over for a read today as haven’t caught up with you for a while and it was lovely to see your comment on my post last night. Sorry to hear your little boat is going through a rocky passage. I won’t try and advise you as I wouldn’t know what to say but I do know how it feels to reach the age when your children are about to leave the nest, you wonder where the time has gone and it is very unsettling.
Hope you figure out what’s best for you. Sometimes it’s easier not to try and plan things – maybe see where the wind takes you?
Family Affairs
November 25, 2013Thanks good plan – seeing where the wind takes me is a very good idea for now. I’m not very good at doing that but think you’re right. Try not to worry about where I’m going for a minute. Well, at least until after Christmas Lx
janelle
November 25, 2013i wrote this the other day: every moment could be more perfect but the trick is to embrace the perfection that already exists – not to search for more now. Rest in it. Absorb it. and then this by someone far cleverer than me, Cyril Connolly, ‘The Unquiet Grave’ “…a rune for the very bored: when very bored say to yourself:”It was during the next 20 minutes that there occurred one of those tiny incidents which revolutionizes the whole course of our life and alters the face of history. Truly, we are the playthings of enormous fates…” i think a trip to zanzibar might do the trick. flip and what the hell do i know hey? lots love…just keep on keeping on the best way you know how. laugh a lot? xxxxx
Family Affairs
November 25, 2013Lovely quotes and you know what? I’m thinking a trip to Zanzibar might be the thing…..Lx
DD's Diary
November 25, 2013Sorry to hear you’re feeling adrift. It’s hard to make sense of it all, isn’t it? I saw a few articles over the weekend about Tinder, have you heard of it? Basically an iPhone app which shows pics of singles within a mile of you – you can swipe through till you find an attractive one! Might be fun to do with some girlfriends in the pub – take your mind off captaining your boat for a while xx
Family Affairs
November 25, 2013My son has banned me from using Tinder in case I end up meeting one of his friends! ha ha. Sure there must be age brackets – I need to stick to the 60 +! Lx
Expat Mum
November 25, 2013I think afloat (which you are) on a calm sea is OK at the moment. It doesn’t always need to be crashing in the waves or racing along at 50 knots per hour. Think of it as a time to fill up your tank. (OK, enough with the analogies.)
Family Affairs
November 25, 2013Ha ha I am loving the analogies – doesn’t it work so well? Yes, you are right, having everything else relatively calm – especially whilst daughter does exams is a very good thing Lx
Blods
November 25, 2013Don’t go back x
Family Affairs
November 25, 2013Going back is never a good idea Lx
Blods
November 25, 2013PS. Forgot to say, forge ahead! x
Family Affairs
November 25, 2013Thanks – forging ahead not the easiest thing in the world to do but will try! Lx
Nxx
November 25, 2013Careful….there’s a pirate ship very close… waiting to get back on board. It may be carrying riches … but it may steal your treasure (whatever that may be). Remember … the seas others sail in may look calmer, but most of us are rowing against the tide. We are all in the same boat to some extent. Big hugs xxx
Family Affairs
November 25, 2013Ha ha you are so right – Captain Jack Sparrow is just in my sights – I must take care….and agree, I know we are all furiously rowing against the tide very often – you are on my boat already Lx
Nxx
November 26, 2013Forgot to say – if pirate is Johnny Depp – let him board! Sometimes it is DEF worth rocking the boat!
Family Affairs
November 26, 2013Hmmm – I agree rocking the boat on occasion is a very good thing – especially if JD were involved (luckily I don’t like his new blonde hair or his penchant for incredibly young girls) so I’m not letting him on my boat. Lx
Ex Female Skier
November 28, 2013Knowing you well, it feels that the best advice is that there is no best advice, or right or wrong? I envisige you in a warm sea, with the sun high in the sky, a beautiful horizon and land very near. You are looking at your surroundings, noticing them in a different way. You’re not adrift, just purposely on a day trip, enjoying the moment, not looking back or forward, but living in the present and making the most of the quiet and time that you have just to relax and enjoy the warm sun. Then of course, you will slowly make your way back to shore where I will be waiting for you (5 stone lighter, looking 10 years younger) in an equally fab outfit as yours, where we be the centre of attention, hilariously funny, witty company and dance the night away with all the single, intelligent, successful sailors from a nearby yacht? Dont comprimise and never give up hope. You are my lovely, genorous, caring friend, single or not, sane or not! This is just the beginning of another chapter. Keep laughing and dancing on the table. x
Family Affairs
November 28, 2013aaagh, thanks for the lovely comment. Will keep dancing on the table don’t you worry about that lx
Family Affairs
November 28, 2013aaagh, thanks for the lovely comment. Will keep dancing on the table lx
Family Affairs
November 28, 2013aaah, thanks for the lovely comment. Will keep dancing on the table lx
Ex Female Skier
November 28, 2013Generous! although genorous sounds interesting. x