I am struggling here, listening to the radio about the number of 13 year old girls who have been given the pill as an implant in their arm without their parents knowledge.
There is a debate going on about it as I write. Steven Blake from the Brook Advisory Clinic says that although they like to encourage girls to speak to their parents they have to make decisions based on each individual child and that “health professionals are making very fine judgements” all the time. Well. I don’t dispute that. I’m sure they are. But increasingly, I have a problem with professionals making decisions for our children without our knowledge.
Parents get a bad press whenever children go off the rails. We are meant to stay married to give our children the best chance of turning into “normal” adults and if they are rolling drunk in the street then it’s our fault ultimately too. I accept all that to a degree – I’ve always been one to wear the “It’s All My Parents Fault” badge when I go out. What I do not accept is that if my children are still living under my roof and therefore I am ultimately responsible for their overall wellbeing – is it right that some random “professional” who I have never met and who doesn’t know the whole picture simply puts a child on the pill. We have one of the highest rates of teenage pregnancy in the world – well, perhaps that has something to do with the fact that somebody somewhere decided it might be a good idea not to involve the parents in the decision making process.
It’s not so much about not knowing whether they are having sex with anyone in particular (although that frankly is bad enough) as much as hoping to be aware of their overall physical and mental health. There are side effects to the pill. If a 13 year girl is having hormones dripped into her and is consequently putting on weight, getting spotty, moody, unhappy and we don’t know why – is that helpful in any way? Shouldn’t we attempt to be armed with as many facts as possible? Not to mention suddenly wondering why our daughter’s are no longer wearing sleeveless tops around us because there is a little fan shaped device bubbling under their upper arms.
To be honest I even have a problem with the fact that if your 18 year old child still lives at home and lets say has a run in with the law and you get a phone call about it – nobody will tell you the details because “they are now adults” – well they might be considered an adult, but if they are still living at home then shouldn’t we as parents know what is going on in order to know what to do next?
AND DON’T START ME ON DEPRESSION. If your child is still living at home but feeling depressed they can go and speak to a doctor, be given drugs which can cause serious side effects including suicidal tendencies and psychosis and yet the person living with them and caring for them as best we can does not know??? So suddenly you could be living with a depressed child and not know where to begin or how to help because we don’t know all the facts. How does that work?
Shouldn’t we all be working together?
Kelloggsville
February 9, 2012Yes we should. There is a world of common sense that was destroyed when a one rule fits all policy had to be used. How can I support my child when I don’t know these things are happening. Group teachings, mixed age education sessions, things that bring parent and child together so the children have more confidence about opening up to their parents.
Family Affairs
February 9, 2012good glad you agree Lx
'm'
February 9, 2012I too heard this on the radio yesterday morning. I reckon I am fairly liberal in my attitude to sex; we should be able to do what we want with our bodies – provided we don’t harm others…..that’s my basic premise, but…BUT, we have an Age Of Consent in this country. This age ‘limit’ has been debated many times over the years – both by the Commons and the House of Lords. It hasn’t been set randomly and it is enshrined in our laws. It is there to protect – everyone – both the younger, and the older, partners in any activity. So, how come some do-gooding ‘social worker/health worker/busybody’ can ‘authorise’ (for want of a better word) a child, – a child! to break the law in this manner? I’m totally with the parents on this and find the whole concept simply incredible. As a side issue; if that child then goes on to become pregnant (contraception is not 100%) or worse, they develop a nasty STD, can the child, or parent of that child, then sue the said social worker – for damages? I would, if I were the parent…..
Oh, and for the non UK readers;
The age of consent in England and Wales is 16 regardless of sexual orientation and/or gender, as specified by the Sexual Offences Act 2003.[49] However, if person A is over the age of 18 and in a position of trust over person B who is under the age of 18, it is illegal for A to engage in sexual activity with B.[50]
(copied, [without permission] from Wikipedia)
Family Affairs
February 9, 2012Hear hear Lx
Eclipse
February 9, 2012In most cases I agree with you (especially about the depression thing), but about the pill I’m not so sure. I didn’t live with my mum as a teen and my Dad was having a rough time and I didn’t feel I could tell him about going on the pill (more because of all the other questions it would lead to). I had just decided after a few potential accidents, that it was better to go on the pill and be safer rather than sorry. I just wonder that if parents had to be informed about birth control, couldn’t that potentially lead to more teenage mums as teens felt that they had nowhere to go for these things? Being a teen is quite isolating at times and sometimes the parental relationship is pretty turbulent, such that such intimate and personal things cannot be talked about openly and objectively.
Family Affairs
February 9, 2012Yes, I see your point and I get that sometimes it is the best option and you clearly had to take a lot of responsibility for yourself – good for you – I hope you sort of see it now as “character building” – you are very mature for one so young that is for sure Lx
Expat Mum
February 9, 2012OMG that would never happen over here and for once, I think that’s right. No mature how “mature” 13 year olds might look, they’re not adults and don’t think like adults. And, let’s face it, no matter how safe the Pill is supposed to be, they’re always making “discoveries” about long term consequences. I was put on Yaz for menstrual problems (after I’d had my tubes tied!) and although my OB/GYN (as they say here) assured me it was the lightest one on the market, it still made me almost instantly depressed. I knew the signs and came off immediately but a young girl wouldn’t recognise what was happening to her. And now, they’ve taken it off the market!
Family Affairs
February 9, 2012Exactly – that is the scary thing L x
Crystal Jigsaw
February 10, 2012I’m pretty speechless actually. To think that my child at age 13 is on the pill is one of the scariest thoughts to have, yet I know it would be even worse if she came home pregnant at that age. But the whole issue is about having sex – our kids should be educated to within an inch of their lives to ensure they don’t go down that route and think it’s okay to have sex at such an incredibly young and vulnerable age. I have a real problem with the state of our country right now and am finding the “do-gooders” increasingly tedious with their methods. Parents are quickly losing the right to discipline and educate their children, and some of that is because a lot of parents simply don’t care.
CJ x
Family Affairs
February 10, 2012Thanks for your reply – not sure I agree with all that you say – I don’t think it’s only about underage sex, but more about knowing what drugs your child might be on (i.e. having been given the pill by another adult). I also don’t blame the “do-gooders” especially – they are doing what they think is right but I do feel that a debate needs to be started to re look at the way parents are being viewed – both for and against because on the one hand we are told to do more and on the other expected to wander around blind to our child’s development. I’m not sure either that a lot of parents “simply don’t care” – it’s down to many things – time, work, money, lifestyle, relationship, bla bla and each individual situation is different. Lx