Hooray for all this September sunshine in the UK, it makes it feel like summer isn’t over yet.
Despite having gone back to work, it still doesn’t quite feel too term-like yet (I hope my teacher friends don’t read this) and I’m hoping that my tomatoes, (which I’ve never grown before and planted hugely late because I have no idea what I’m doing) might actually materialise into something recognisable. As I type, I have my kitchen doors open to the garden, but I’m slightly worried that Daniel Khalife (the fugitive who escaped from Wandsworth prison a few days ago) is hiding out in the shed at the bottom of my garden – there were helicopters searching for him in Richmond Park last night and I live quite close to the park….however, realistically, it’s probably foolish to try hiding in a large park, because even if you take all your clothes off and pretend you’re a deer, I guess that thermal search thingy would pick you up. So presumably he’s hiding out in a crowd somewhere, so I’ll stop catastrophizing and get back to my tomatoes. Although I’m also a little concerned with my spelling of “catastrophizing” – I just looked it up, I thought it would be “catastrophising” – with an ‘s’ but it seems it’s not even the US spelling that uses a ‘z’, it’s all of us. Anyway….
At the moment they look like this and they’re filling me with joy! So that means that I am officially old:-
September Sunshine Tomatoes
My children are all away on holiday with their dad and their step family and GUESS WHAT??? I don’t mind!! Not that it would make any difference if I did mind you. How many years has it taken me to get to this point?? Of course I’ve been thinking about them a lot and hoping they’re having a fabulous time and stopping myself from texting them because it’s not my place to bother them when they’re away with their dad. Builder Bloke (the father of their step brothers’ for anyone not up to speed) texted me the other day to ask how I was and I asked him if he thought they were having a lovely time and he replied “I haven’t given it any thought, I assume so.” Clearly I’m not at that stage, but I’m not sure I ever will be because I give a lot of thought to my kids when they’re away. Hoping, basically that they’re going to come back safely in one piece.
I’ve had so many years of worrying about my kids, it feels like it’s a good moment to note that currently I am not. Worrying. About. Them. I haven’t had an empty house in their absence, I’ve had lots of friends from Australia staying, so the house has been busy and filled with laughter and wine as per usual. This “Empty Nest Syndrome” that we dread when children go off to university has not really been a thing for me. It’s so short-lived if you live in London these days. What with sky high degree debt, astronomical rents and unaffordable housing they simply don’t leave until they’re about 35. Well, that’s more wishful thinking than true – two out of three of my kids have moved out, but I see them all the time which makes me happy. My youngest is still living at home and may do for some time. He’s just started his first full time job and is going to need some time to find his feet (and clear his debts!). So there are only very small pockets of time when they haven’t been around and during that time, as long as I stay busy, or remind myself to enjoy my own company (something I’ve always been rubbish at, but I’m getting there) then it is entirely manageable.
It’s been a lovely summer, especially now we’ve had some September Sunshine!
Despite not having a holiday with my kids this year, I’ve spent time with lots of friends and it’s been incredibly enjoyable. Who knew that a year down the line from one of the most traumatic break ups of all time, I’d be feeling like I was back on track. Without giving away any details, I just want to put down on record that if the same sort of break up had happened to the teenage me, let alone the 50 something me, I think I’d have PTSD forever. But as per usual, with the help of my kids and my friends (and by the way I still consider having your kids involved in a break up at our age and stage as something that feels like parenting in it’s worst form – a kind of reversal of roles whereby they are shocked, saddened and filled with silent (ish) compassion for you. It caused me a lot of distress and sleepless nights, but in the end, it turns out we’re all human and they can deal with it!) We’ve all moved on. I’ve finally reached the conclusion that dwelling too much on anything negative is simply not acceptable. WE DON’T HAVE THAT MUCH TIME LEFT. I’m trying to see bad things that happen as a blip, sit with it, deal with it, box it and moooooooove on.
So there we have it. Life can be so much simpler when you’re surrounded by joyful people (who still haven’t given up on you after all these years) who you love and who love you back. Unconditionally.
My favourite photo so far of this summer sums up my mood. I’ve never had Billiecart-Salmon champagne before because it’s f’g expensive, but I almost forgive the expense because it’s bloody delicious! We were celebrating a friend’s recent engagement and it was the perfect choice:-
Billiecart Salmon champagne
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