My ex husband signed me up to attend a sex education talk for teenagers at our son’s school last night. Personally, I would rather have been at a sex education evening for divorcees and other newly single people in their 40’s, as I am selfishly far more concerned about whether I get pregnant or get an STI than I am about him. We are after all emerging in the statistics as a dangerously reckless and ill-informed group, catching all sorts of hideous things along the way…
Anyway, to be serious for a minute, it was a very interesting talk. She started off by doing that really embarrassing thing of dividing us into small groups and making us “reflect” on our concerns. My ex pointed out that our son was very lucky because he had female friends and spent time with them at their houses – “and what do you think they are doing together?” I asked him…”well, getting to know each other, talking and so on” he said, to which I replied “don’t be ridiculous – they’re obviously shagging” – which didn’t go down very well with him or the other members of the group. The group, I note was made up mostly of very old people who clearly hadn’t had sex since 1992.
She started off by saying that sex should be a wonderful experience between two people, but that we should make them fully aware of the consequences of crossing the sexual boundary. That they should be encouraged to understand the difference between “making love” and “having sex” and that intimacy was more important than the sexual intercourse itself. At that point one of the mothers immediately said “I’m not comfortable with allowing my child to think sex is something enjoyable, because then he’ll want to do it more”.
Here are some of the interesting facts I learnt:-
1. Boys are just as keen to be in a relationship, (rather than having casual sex) as girls. In fact these days boys find the girls completely terrifying as they catch up as “ladettes”.
2. If our children are desperate for a boyfriend/girlfriend we should be addressing self-esteem issues.
3. 1 in 6 girls today start puberty by 8!! The average age is 10
4. 75% of girls and 65% of boys regret their first sexual experience, mostly because it wasn’t special because they were under the influence of alcohol and did something they didn’t want to.
5. 35-40% of teenagers have had full sexual intercourse before they are 16.
6 New research suggests that only 1.25-1.35% of the population is gay.
7. That we are sexual beings from birth.
8. That wearing a condom only means “safer” sex, not “safe” sex. That they should not keep them in their back pocket or in a wallet because they can get too warm (top pocket is the answer), that you should always check the sell buy date and kite mark. Most teenage pregnancies are a result of the condom splitting, rather than not being used at all.
9. That there is nothing wrong with same-sex experimentation/crushes and/or homosexuality.
10. That same-sex fiddling about (my term, not hers) is currently trendy. I do remember somebody telling me that her daughter had commented at a recent disco that most of the people snogging each other were girls.
She talked a lot about how open we should be. That we should talk at all times about their experiences and our own (omigod, no way, I thought). That we should watch films together and try to explore what they believe and value. That we must not forget that they are still children and need guidance.
So this morning I had a go at talking about how the evening went with my son. “The evening was really interesting…it was all about..bla…bla” and not surprisingly he rolled his eyes and walked out of the room. One step at a time.
