I’ve been receiving emails from my contact page from people asking me questions about divorce. I wasn’t sure what to do with them, but thought the least I can do is post them, in case anybody has anything useful to say that might help.
Here is the first one – I’m going to put it all into the same font as mine and sign them all off anonymously unless requested otherwise.
I have been reading your blog for a number of years now and am very impressed with the way you seem to be dealing with your divorce. I note, with disappointment that you know longer write so personally about the detail, but guess that’s what happens when you are no longer anonymous as a blogger.
I have recently discovered that my husband of 12 years is cheating on me. I don’t know who with yet, because he doesn’t know I know but I am pretty sure it’s one of his work colleagues as he has to travel a lot with work. We have two small children and I just don’t know what to do. I have been suspicious for some time now. Ever since he began to criticise almost everything I do – even though I am doing nothing differently and I checked his phone the other day (he doesn’t know I know his password) and there are intimate texts to and from someone called “Mike”. I am assuming that is not her name and don’t think he’s gay. I feel sick all the time and although I hope it will just all go away I can’t help wondering whether I should confront him or not. What do you think of the idea of getting a private investigator to follow him for a while?
I haven’t told anyone yet – you seemed suitably removed from the situation to talk to.
Thanks for your support at this difficult time.
I am so sorry to hear your news. How distressing for you – especially having had your worst suspicions confirmed. You need to think very long and hard about whether you need to know more or not. About what you will do when you receive the cold hard truth. Do you love him enough to weather the storm? Could you trust him again? You could drop hints about your views regarding affairs and scare him a little – or do you feel he is far more focused on somebody else?
It is entirely common for an adulterer to suddenly find their partner annoying – it’s how they deal with their guilt on the matter – finding ways to justify their behaviour by criticising and blaming their partner for not making them happy.
You do however have small children to consider and I won’t deny how difficult it will be for you all if you had to split up over this. Perhaps he hasn’t got involved in a full blown affair yet – maybe you could see her off. Perhaps suggest you all go away together and remind him how much you have together as a family – so not worth destroying.
Good luck and let me know what you decide to do. Is there someone close to you that you can talk to about it? It’s very difficult to have to deal with this sort of thing all on your own. But make sure you trust them and decide who to tell that won’t judge you regarding the choices you then decide to make.