I have tooth fairy guilt. The tooth fairy that comes to our house these days is jaded and cynical and frankly mean and nasty with no joie de vivre left to give.
I know this because I have taken on board the criticism my daughter threw at me last night as I attempted to find a little bit of money to shove under my 11 year old son’s pillow after three days of disappointment that rubbish tooth fairy hadn’t got off her arse and bothered to get here at all.
“You have become the SHITTEST tooth fairy ever” she said and I hung my head in shame. “Don’t you remember all those teeny weeny hand written notes you used to write me?”.
Yes I do.
But now I can’t bloody see to write them. I need glasses and it’s all just too complicated. ALSO it won’t be long before my children will have to start leaving tooth fairy notes for me!
And anyway, too many teeth have fallen out. I’m bored with teeth. I have pots of them here and there and I no longer know who they belong to. Which is a far cry from the excitement I felt at watching my babies grow their teeth and the first wobble of that teeny weeny front tooth – I’m sure I probably threw a party. My 11 year old son has LITERALLY had (about) EIGHT teeth fall out in about the last week and it’s been expensive. You can hardly even call them teeth anymore they’re so finished with no roots and one evening I even had to resort to euros owing to lack of available funds.
Anyway, now that I”m an old cynical mother with children old enough to have finally grown into their enormous teeth all I can think about is how much it’s all going to cost. His new teeth are growing down and it really doesn’t look like there is going to be enough room in his mouth for them all. Which means a visit to the orthodontist. Which means lots of money on braces for perfect teeth.
Can you blame me for being cynical?
Yup. Probably.
I must try harder to be joyful about stupid f’g boring old teeth.
It’s not his fault I’ve been there done that.
But can you see why firstborns feel sometimes more important than those further down the line? Or is it just character building?
Kelloggsville
March 28, 2012Daughters just got braces, not cost me a penny. Is having an NHS dentist another perk of living in the country? Can I recommend you tell 11year old that tooth fairy has written to you to complain about the state of his teeth nd that she is no longer prepared to pay for shoddy goods, that she said she will nolonger visit such a house and then take him out for a huge ice cream to celebrate! Rearrange these words ‘forever hook off’ 🙂
Family Affairs
March 28, 2012I KNOW. Nearly completely off hook – and what’s even better is that soon it’s my turn! Lx
DD's Diary
March 28, 2012Oh I can definitely beat 3 days late. My tooth fairy sometimes forgets for months. Trouble is that child 2 won’t remind me – she’s saving it all up for her memoirs, to be entitled My Mother From Hell.
Family Affairs
March 28, 2012OH. My daughter is writing the sequel…..Lx