You probably haven’t noticed, but for the last month or so my blog has become a little boring and dry – even by my own boring and dry standards.
I have found myself completely at a loss as to what to write about – not because there is nothing to say, but because of who is now reading it.
My ex husband has known about my blog ever since I was invited on my first press trip but unsurprisingly he wasn’t very interested in taking that knowledge any further – I don’t think he bothered to read it at all. Why would he? He was no longer interested in what I was doing with my life.
However, it is an entirely different matter now that his new wife, (AKA Builder Bloke’s ex wife) has found out about my blog. According to Builder Bloke she is furious. To be honest, I don’t blame her. I would probably be furious if I discovered that I was being written about too. All I can say, in my defence is that I’ve had my blog for three years now and that therefore it’s really not my fault that she’s walked straight into the thick of it. I was already writing lots of detailed stuff about my relationship with BB before our foundations were massively shaken by finding out that she phoned my ex after asking for his telephone number from me the only time we’ve ever met. I suppose all that initial drama is sort of history now, but I continue to find it astonishing that my life is inextricably linked to her life even though we have still only met once.
Quite understandably when our X’s got together, Builder Bloke went even more mad than usual and threatened all manner of inappropriate behaviour which meant that I ended our relationship. I just couldn’t cope. It took me a very long time to get over the fact that my ex husband had met and then very quickly married the woman who was not only BB’s wife for 15 year’s before me but the mother of his three children. My ex now lives with BB’s kids and my kids spend every other weekend with her and their father in their big house with a pool. It’s all very odd. But things have been slowly calming down whilst we all find ways to manage the situation for the sake of all our children and be grown up about it and I think that everybody is relatively happy in their strange little lives. However, the discovery of my blog might, for her, be as shocking as the discovery that she was the new girlfriend my ex had been talking about who wasn’t yet “official”. Well, what can I say? Sorry? That I will delete it all? Nothing?
This latest discovery has literally stopped me in my tracks and forced me to write continuously about the royal wedding and competitions because well, literally “what can I say?”. Can I still write about Builder Bloke struggling to find work and therefore unable to pay the required maintenance at the moment? Or that I am hugely unnerved by the fact that my maintenance is now being paid into my account in her name as well – which is odd in our situation, but I guess normal in most new marriages that they have a joint account. That it was me who made BB take their son to hospital at the weekend after a rugby injury because as a mother I know that it was the right decision and certainly what she would have wanted?
Given that we are in the unusual position of having five perspectives of any situation – his, hers, mine, BB’s and then of course the truth – my perspective is a very small corner of the bigger picture and is no doubt not the same version of the “truth” that she has.
So short of turning my blog into a bird watching or gardening site over the next week or two, the only thing I can think of to calm the situation down and in the spirit of diplomacy would be to invite her to do a guest post. That would no doubt be better than the proposed meeting three out of four of us were happy to attend some time ago (funnily enough BB refused saying the only thing we all had in common to discuss was the difference between our respective sex lives whilst we were married to the other partner).
Other than that I really don’t know what to do. Suggestions gratefully received and don’t bother to suggest that I leave the country because I’ve already bought my ticket.
Chic Mama
May 3, 2011OOops, totally understand how you would be struggling to write now, I feel the same.
I hope it blows over soon…X
Family Affairs
May 3, 2011Yes, I know you’re in a similar situation aren’t you – not good Lx
Bob Greig
May 3, 2011Interesting dilemma!
I do not know all the ins and outs – but it would seem to me that you have every right to carry on writing as you want.
I think that old saying about only posting up stuff you wouldn’t mind your children reading (which they will one day if they can be bothered) is a useful benchmark.
Hope it pans out OK for you!
Bob
Family Affairs
May 3, 2011Thanks – good advice Ls
Expat Mum
May 3, 2011Oh please – the last thing I want to read is a whiny post by someone I detest without even knowing. And you don’t owe her anything. This is your blog. Don’t do it Lu.
Family Affairs
May 3, 2011OK but I thought it might be interesting to see another side? No? sorry, didn’t mean to make you cross…Lx
Becky
May 3, 2011My blog was a lot more angst ridden and talking about divorce until I discovered ex’s Oh was
Reading it! She, he and her daughter all put nasty vindictive remarks on a post about toilet training!!’ blog matured now into other things….
Family Affairs
May 3, 2011Same. Mine was much worse at the beginning – still personal though – although relatively balanced, I like to think Lx
Tara@Sticky fingers
May 3, 2011I’m with Expat; We come here to read about you and your life. Don’t actually care if you fabricate half of it, as long as it’s interesting (!)
Just say no. You’ve worked hard to build this blog. It’s yours. It’s YOURS goddam it!
saz
May 4, 2011just think of it as a phase…everything is after all…I now have to think of my hopefully soon to be ex-husband, my daughter, my son, my Mum (Moannie) my sister n bruv (who havent spoken to me in 20yrs) my xmas boyfriend, my current/is he/isnt he my boyfriend, my friends etc etc…perhaps even my hopefully soon to be ex’s girlfriend/mistress/partner….all reading…therefore am I disingenuous by writing with this aforethought
thanks for reminding me, that I now do this unwittingly, it all so bloody complicated in reality in the day to day, that quite honestly as long a sit is your perspective and not slanderous…why the hell not…free speech and all that
the adage, if you dont like whats on the telly…then turn it off and dont listen behind closed doors if you dont wanot to hear what peple say or some such…
just write Lu…its your truth….therefore it is the truth…can;t stand the heat tell her, then get out of my kitchen…blog
after all your blog is called FAMILY AFFAIRS…i bet you didnt have an inkling of how truthfull that choice of blog title would be!!
forgive me my mojo came with a vat of wine, which l am enjoying devouring with relish
luv saz xx
(of course you could block her..if she hasnt a blog she cant peek or block her by email)
Family Affairs
May 4, 2011Thanks Saz – I KNOW! Family Affairs – what a great title – in hindsight – thats why sometimes I think it’s all the blogs fault its happening!! Tail leading dog! Lx ps love it when you get a wine rant on Lx
Family Affairs
May 4, 2011Ps missed your wine rants!! Lx
QldDeb
May 4, 2011This is wrong. She’s already intruded enough on your life, get out of your blog!
Evesdroppers never hear good about themselves. What does she expect, that her husband’s ex is going to write glowing reports about her? This lady really does live in a dream world. What a shame you can’t block people from reading your blog, like receiving emails.
Winging aside, I don’t know what I’d do if I were you. No matter what you do you won’t win, so maybe just ignore her and live your life your way? Easier said than done, I know.
Family Affairs
May 4, 2011Thanks Debs – will try Lx
Lynda
May 4, 2011Don’t ask her – but if you change your mind at least make her write in English and not in textspeak or whatever it is called. I couldn’t stand it!
(Feel free to not publish this if you think she will go hunting for the relevant post that made me write this comment!) Good luck!
Family Affairs
May 4, 2011No, it’s fine – she’s already read that bit and not happy Lx
Kelloggville
May 4, 2011Oh dear. Although I haven’t found the blog hum drum recently. Stimulating dental discussions 🙂
Family Affairs
May 4, 2011Ha ha – you see – I’m writing about toothpaste! Lx
louise
May 4, 2011Well, if the cap fits, darling … you have YOUR blog, you write exactly what you like and if she and the X don’t like it, then tough. You have been very fair, there are no names (as far as I remember) and if writing a blog has helped you through tough times, then they should be grateful. I wrote a diary when I was going through my divorce (way back in the mists of time before blogs) and putting my thoughts on paper probably saved my sanity.
Definitely no guest post!
Perhaps she writes a blog that you don’t know about!!
Family Affairs
May 4, 2011I think, at one point in my life my blog probably really did stop me from falling of the curb of life!! I needed focus and a reason to stay in. OK NO GUEST POST!! and you’re right – maybe she has already got one! I’m so not interested though – weirdly – which means I guess that maybe she shouldn’t be interested in mine Lx
Eclipse
May 4, 2011I guess so long as there is no slander involved why not write what you like about who you like. If she doesn’t like what you write then she doesn’t have to read, same with anyone who stumbles across your blog. But I agree with Bob’s advice which I know is something many bloggers try to abide by. Have to say she’ll probably be jealous of all the trips you get to go on and try and set up a “rival” blog – she seems petty and vindictive enough to do something like that.
Family Affairs
May 4, 2011Well, I suppose it’s what is the definition of “slander” that counts isn’t it? I don’t think I’ve written anything untrue or unfair and yet, people don’t have a very good image therefore its an entirely different image to the one she would want to be presented SO on that basis I do think she should have her say. Lx
Miranda
May 4, 2011Lone voice in the wilderness here I but I think you SHOULD get her to guest blog. I think its inspired! Good bit of diplomacy and we can all see what she has to say! I suppose it does mean you’ll have to agree to have it up there and not delete it if she writes some REALLy nasty things (because that would somewhat defeat the purpose!). But even if she does write nasty things we all know you and love you so….
Family Affairs
May 4, 2011I agree. She is entitled to her say, but yes, would have to leave it unedited which might be difficult! Lx
Mud
May 4, 2011I think I’m with Miranda, you would have the higher ground allowing her to have her say IF she chooses to, and it woudl be interesting to see what she wants to express. And besides, who’s going to read (and comment) on it? More of your friends than hers!
Family Affairs
May 4, 2011I don’t suppose for a minute she’d want to get involved! Lx
Kitschy Coo
May 4, 2011I read another blog from the States where there is an almost identical family dynamic (Bite the Bedbugs). She got so much drama from her ex’s new wife stalking her blog and flipping out about everything that she had to password protect posts that were personal. And eventually she changed sites. Hope it doesn’t come to that for you, but password protecting is an option… if it doesn’t wind her up to much not knowing what you are writing. Tricky situation, good luck!
Family Affairs
May 4, 2011I’ve thought about that before – but in the end decided there was nothing I’d written that I wouldn’t say to anyone’s face and that, I think is an important measure – perhaps then, its up to her if she wants to read! Still, though, it does affect the way I write I suspect Lx
London City Mum
May 4, 2011Your blog, your voice, your opinion.
That’s why we read it.
If the woman wants to have her say she can start her own blog or post a comment (which you can then edit, leave as is, or just delete).
There are always two sides to every story (or four, in your case), but quite frankly I think you have always been very balanced and fair in your posts involving family affairs.
A guest post would undoubtedly increase traffic, gain both of you some notoriety, and give way to some salacious comments.
But do you really want that?
LCM x
Family Affairs
May 4, 2011Thanks LCM – hmmm. Will think about that – perhaps not the best idea then Lx
janelle
May 4, 2011i. have. no. words……CHRIST!? lot of help i am, ain’t i? just keep writing honestly and truly, ‘as all… x j
Family Affairs
May 4, 2011OF ALL THE PEOPLE!! You are supposed to have answers – at least invite me to come and hole up in your little pink house on the hill xx
fd
May 4, 2011GOSH! well as long as nothing you write on here could be used against you in terms of a review of maintenance payments or anything like that i think you’re ok to keep writing. bloody brave mind you…
saz
May 4, 2011at least l hope my spelling has improved…
so you can tell when l’m in bed laptop perched on thighs…venting for you and anyone…
saz x
HS
May 5, 2011Don’t do it. Circumstances have coerced you into sharing so much of your life’s achievements with her, keep this space to yourself. Whatever the future hold then this will be a place you, and you alone own. Those of us who enjoy the blog enjoy the variety of posts; sometimes your life is much more exciting than mine( jealous stare) and other times it is just as mundane ( sigh of relief) There is no expectation that a blog be inbiased, perhaps its bias is part of its attraction. She will always be the second wife and so always be cross at you for something. Ignore. Live life.
Family Affairs
May 5, 2011COOL advice. Thank you very much. “coerced into sharing so much of your life’s achievements with her” – thats an interesting perspective – you mean like my children and my ex husband? Lx
English Mum
May 6, 2011Late to the party here. My niece was furious with me after I wrote about a party that she’d attended (and some horrific drunken photos that ended up all over facebook). My response was: I’m sad you feel the need to speak to me like that’ but that was all. It’s my blog and I’ll write about what I like. I won’t explain or defend myself. As several others have said, it’s your space. If she doesn’t like it she doesn’t have to read. I’ve always thought you’ve been very fair about her considering her behaviour on occasions…
Family Affairs
May 6, 2011Thanks for the advice – wondered where you’d gone! No sign of you on the hilarious tweets the disney lot were chucking around!! Lx
Shiny
May 8, 2011I’m very belated and think I’m with Miranda. Purely because of my voyeuristic streak, though. Don’t, please, get influenced by her possibly reading your stuff. It’s yours. And it’s great xx
Family Affairs
May 8, 2011OK OK I’ll try, but it’s virtually impossible not to….Lx