What is the role of a Godparent these days I wonder? As a mother of nearly grown up children, I remain puzzled by the role of the Godparent and have certainly changed my views from 24 years ago when we first started thinking about what it means to be a Godparent. At that time it was really important to me to choose adults to be significantly involved in my children’s lives and of course when I was invited to be a Godparent, I felt it was a massive honour to be part of another child’s life. But now that the children are adults, they need something else in their lives.
I have obviously not been able to offer any religious guidance over the years, but I still think that I could help with moral dilemmas when required. Even if these days it’s more about throwing a bit of cash their way and a drink or two in the pub. I would have loved to enjoy the company of a Godparent who could take me to the pub. I have friends who have a great relationship with their godparents in adult life. But it seems that this is quite rare. If you are a traditional Godparent, the idea is that when the child reaches 18 you are absolved of your duties. This seems a shame. We are missing a trick, because it is when they are young adults that they may need additional support. As life moves on, it comes as no surprise that some of the people we chose in the first place (especially since the divorce) have disappeared into the ether. Therefore, in the last few years my friends and I have collectively agreed that Godparents should be a little more fluid and we have started inviting significant adults to become honorary Godparents (mentor) a lot later in the day than you would expect.
The traditional route of getting the children christened, seemed more responsible than the rather vague “Naming Ceremony” alternative at the time. But perhaps there should be a third way and we should introduce some sort of formal ceremony to nominate the “Significant Other” adults, who are chosen later in life because they actually like our children and vice versa. I no longer have any contact with my own Godparents and at least 50% of my children’s Godparents have also disappeared or have shown no interest in my children’s life ever which is a real shame.
So we decided to relax the rules and introduce some sort of transfer system, perhaps every five years, where you are allowed to reassess the situation. Obviously life changes as your children grow and different adults become more significant to them than others.
So I adopted two new Godparents for my children last year, much to my children’s delight and additionally I have been invited to adopt two new Godchildren over the age of 18 which has been great. My official Godchildren still remain important to me, even though I don’t see them as much as I’d like as they no longer live in London and one lives in Australia. I hope that the original Godparents who have not shown any interest in my children’s lives won’t mind either. Obviously they remain important and I’d love them to get back in touch and be involved, but not sure they’ll even notice as they haven’t even remembered that they were meant to be playing some sort of role in the first place.
So off I went to join a Godparents lunch on Friday as newly recruited Godmother to be with my new adopted Goddaughter. Speeches were made and wine and food was drunk and it was lovely and I’m very happy with my new role. It also means that she knows there is another door open for her anytime she needs to talk to someone other than her parents.
So this may be the way forward – having a collective lunch with them all was lovely and a reminder of how lucky we are to all be part of a long and strong network of friends and family.
We had delicious food at a lovely gastropub called The Victoria near Richmond Park – it’s one of my favourites and look at this cheeseburger – it doesn’t get better than that!:-
