So, after my stunning performance as a ribcage yesterday at our annual work function (which frankly came as a total surprise so I didn’t have time to practice), I am having a “what to do next” moment. It’s January, which means that there is still a little bit left in the “full of good intentions” bottle, but I don’t seem to be doing anything very well. Not the work bit or the home bit. It’s all just a bit too chaotic. I’m concerned about the “re-training to become an estate agent or a secretary” that my ex husband has suggested I do (why would I become an Estate Agent when property is not going anywhere and they are laying people off?) and what it all means for our future security.
I am self employed, so I don’t get paid to go to my work function, but I do choose to pay my 18 year old to babysit. Not always, but sometimes – because I think its only fair if he’s got to be vaguely responsible. My daughter had to help improve my 10 year old’s letter to Lady Macbeth last night instead of me and this morning we added the finishing touches – which basically involved setting my kitchen alight. I still smell of bonfires and bits of ash are still raining down here and there. We had to burn the edges of his tea stained letter. Not much of the letter left to be honest but it looks pretty authentic. I should have taken a photo.
Teaching currently on a part time basis so that I can be around for the kids isn’t going to provide enough money to support me and the kids. So I’m going to have to look at options. It’s at times like this that I wish I hadn’t given up my career when I had children. It would have made this part of my life so much easier. For most women who make the choice to stay at home, it is very difficult to be able to get back on the commuter rails anywhere like at the same level after a number of years off track. I have found that things have moved on. People’s attitudes towards you have changed. Your confidence levels/priorities in life have changed. Everything has changed.
I love the fact that I managed to watch my son in his first rugby match earlier this week. Even if I got it wrong. Watched him running about for a couple of minutes before he was sent off to another pitch much further away. I could still just about see him. Saw them all with their hands up to catch the ball and assumed he’d been taken off and that they were just practicing. I waved at him a few times, but for some reason didn’t think to go over to where he was. At the end he came up and said “why didn’t you come closer and watch me? I scored FOUR tries?” He’d been put in the second team instead and I hadn’t realised, which was a pretty bad mother moment. Still, at least I was there. In the vague vicinity. Looking sort of interested. If I was to retrain and go out to work full time I wouldn’t even be able to bog it all up. I just wouldn’t be around at all. I’d have to start at the bottom and wouldn’t be allowed to take time out for that sort of thing – unlike my wildly successful girlfriends who stayed at work who can escape when required because they now own the company.
Has the government failed stay-at-home-mums do you think? Should they be more recognised as doing a valuable job for the future generations?
and ANYWAY….I really want to WRITE. In a shed. ALL DAY by myself. Change my name to Enid Blyton. Perhaps it’s time to write that best-selling novel…
OR perhaps I should go and audition for the part of a ribcage/diaphragm on a West End stage somewhere.
Anybody know of any plays coming up that require body part monologues (or diaphragm dialogues?)
Anna
January 28, 2011You should keep on writing. You are practically a journalist anyway. If the idea for you is to retrain, then take the time to really get your writing career started. And/or start your own company. That way you’ll retain the control over your time and will be able to write off a lot of things taxwise.
Family Affairs
January 28, 2011Thanks Anna, yes, good idea. Need to think along those lines. Trouble is I still love teaching too. No time to invest in writing at the moment Lx
Anna
January 29, 2011You don’t have to give up teaching! It’s obvious that you are good at it. You can write about it for fitness and health magazines – an “expert column” type of thing.
Family Affairs
January 29, 2011OOOH that’s true too!! Will give it all some more thought L x
Expat Mum
January 28, 2011I quite often have dreams of having to go back to work in the corporate world. It’s not that I’d mind a real job again, but I just don’t want to do what i used to do anymore, even though it would be great money. I was offered a contract a few weeks ago and turned it down. Just. Couldn’t. Face. It.
Family Affairs
January 28, 2011At least you’re still offered contracts to turn down! Lx
kelloggsville
January 28, 2011I worked right through and still do. I once listened to sports day over a mobile that my mother held as she watched my daughter. That felt shit. I can buy lots of music lessons and nod at the “I would like” requests. That feels good. I am often jealous of the mums that took the risk and stayed at home to look after their kids and be there for them and enjoy them and then when kids went to school they went back to college, retrained and now do jobs they actually wanted to do and not just what they ‘fell’ into after initial education. When you are on your death bed you won’t be saying “I wish I’d worked harder at a career” you will be counting your blessing based on your family. I still work full time but I don’t try to be top dog, I leave on time (or early) to get home for my family. With one it is possible, with your hoards…gosh…it would be hard and compromise would be your bible. Good luck x
Family Affairs
January 28, 2011I think anything we do with kids becomes a compromise – full time work, full time at home – part time is slightly unsatisfactory either way – it all is…..I guess I was lucky enough to have the choice all those years ago and I am indeed v grateful for that time with them. I’m not sure tho that kids necessarily appreciate that – will they remember that time? Prob not. Lx
Stephen Isabirye
January 29, 2011It is suffice to note that Enid blyton whom you mention had working women in some of her books such as The Family At Red Roofs and The Six Bad Boys.
Stephen Isabirye is the author of a book on Enid Blyton, titled, The Famous Five: A Personal Anecdotage (www.thefamousfiveapersonalanecdotage.blogspot.com).
Family Affairs
January 29, 2011Although she did not have a good relationship with her children Lx
Nicola
January 30, 2011I’m facing the same dilemma – I have friends who work full time but they do have partners who have an element of flexibility with their jobs so that the kids aren’t just stuck in after care at school till 6pm. I just don’t see how I could do that to my boys. At the same time – it would be nice to have a proper job again. Something mentally challenging and well paid. I feel really torn, because I know how much it means to my boys (at 5 and 7) to have me around but at the same time part of me would like to do what my ex does, and purely think about his own career needs with scant regard for anyone else….
Family Affairs
January 30, 2011I completely agree. It’s so frustrating….but given your move back etc I’m quite sure they will benefit from you being around for the moment until they’re a bit more settled – and still so young Lx