BOARDING SCHOOL SYNDROME

*Sigh* My firstborn has gone back to uni today and it now all feels like it’s flown by in a flash far too fast and the house feels a little bit too empty (although the fridge is still full). Everything is beginning to slowly drift back to normal with the kids back to school and me back to work. Even my well intended change to my usual plan to join Dryathlon (alcohol free month) only lasted two days before I substituted wine for gin (the plan was that I wasn’t going to drink any white wine) and then decided there was little point in doing that because frankly January is far too depressing a month to get through without a cheery tipple here and there. Only the Christmas tree carcasses carelessly thrown into the street, looking forlorn, unloved and very dead are the final reminder of Christmas past and it made me feel happy for the first time in three years, that I’ve invested in my hideous fake black tree because what a waste of a life it is to chop off the top of a tree and kill it all in the spirit of the festive season.

For my son’s last evening he had all his old mates over to watch the football. I wish I’d taken a photo of them all. Seven of them maybe all squashed up on the sofa – twice the size they used to – they’ve been sitting on my sofa (not necessarily that sofa) growing up together for over ten years and all that bonding they’ve done over shared experiences has been amazing. Maybe they would have all turned out the same whatever happened, but I can’t help thinking that they have all benefited from living at home during that time – albeit (in a few of their cases) only living with one parent instead of two.

I think if they’d all met at boarding school they might have been different as adults. They now all chat freely and are happy to discuss all manner of topics with me and whoever else is about – fine, relaxed, well-adjusted young men all of them. I know somebody who chose to send their son to boarding school at the same age they all started school together. He is now in a very different place. Would you send your child to boarding school in this day and age at a very young age? Personally, because I come from that age, I know enough adults who went to boarding school at the age of eight to confidently be able to confirm that there is most certainly a set of lasting psychological problems in adults to be identified as “Boarding School Syndrome”. Unexplained depression, not being able to build long term relationships, not knowing how to deal with your feelings, workaholism, a total lack of emotional intelligence and a basic inability to love and be loved…they don’t really get how it is all supposed to work….and that’s just in the men.

I’m not against boarding per se (obviously it’s nothing to do with me anyway), it could be OK at 15 or 16 but boarding at 8 is a very odd choice and generally it only happens in Britain. No other European nation agrees with it. I personally don’t understand why parents would send their young offspring away for five nights of the week, even if they do get a lot more work done, unless of course they have specific learning requirements or are desperately keen for whatever reason. What’s even worse is that they tell their poor children it is a privilege to be there. When they’re very little and still really need their parents they must feel very cut off. My two brothers got sent away to boarding school relatively young (but not young enough to be emotional fu*ck-ups), but we were living in Hong Kong at the time, which explained why they did it – but of course it meant that they didn’t get to see their parents (or their much loved sister) for months at a time. How strange is that.

I know, for a fact, without discussing it with my two brothers that they would find it very hard, now they have children of their own, to send them away. I can’t for the life of me imagine for a minute allowing my children to be brought up by other people. People who I don’t even know.

Hmmm.

Sorry. Just a little random this evening. Missing him already and he’s not even at boarding school!