Anyway, with a teeny weeny interlude to congratulate America on the most unifying display of “power to the people” that I have ever seen I will go back to discussing chocolates on the pillow. The best thing I heard today about the election was an American on the radio being interviewed and very seriously saying “THANK GOD, we have finally got a President who possesses a brain”…
Until the day before yesterday, the only other strange conversation I have had about “chocolates on your pillow” was at an incredibly boring coffee morning. I was making small talk with one of the other women and she was telling me how annoyed hotel staff get with her and her husband when they stay in a room that leaves chocolates on their pillow because their sheets always get completely covered in chocolate. “Why?” I asked, “I don’t normally make a huge mess if I eat a chocolate in bed”…I told her smugly. “We don’t EAT them exactly” she explained, “We melt it on my clitoris and then my husband licks it off”. I seem to remember eating about 10 digestive biscuits (plain) at the same time in an attempt not to lose my composure.
My brother has left a comment pointing out that our mother never left chocolates on our pillow (“and look how fucked up we are” I thought to myself). NO WAY would she have ever done that. She used to buy jars of Nutella and then tell us that we were not allowed to touch them until it they had been officially opened. The bloody seal never seemed to come off, so we just had to wait. One day I spotted a tiny glint of light sneaking through the glass and on closer inspection I discovered that the seal was broken and that she had scraped out all the entire contents of the jar, leaving only a thin veneer around the edge. She had carefully put the plastic seal back on each time she had some.
No wonder I’m a bit strange.
Anonymous
November 5, 2008I can’t believe you omitted to tell us the chocolate on clitoris story first time round – much more exciting than the weirdo neighbour. Your coffee mornings sound much better than the ones I attend.
family affairs
November 5, 2008I know!! How could I have left that bit out? Rubbish. I’ve always been disappointed with coffee mornings since then L x
Bush Mummy
November 5, 2008OHIMGOD… I’m blushing reading that.. how naughty..
BM x
ps can you believe your word verification is ‘FANISHOU’
I kid you not..
'm'
November 5, 2008jeez, this guy is just plain weird, I’m sorry, but whose Mother left chocolates on pillows? come on, hands up…..- he is seriously odd. It only happens in slight naff hotels (although I think they do it in ‘the’ hotel in Barbados – which is a bit worrying). It simply does not happen in real life, you have nothing to fret about.