All I want for Christmas is … an uncomplicated one. We’ve got through the difficult bit – sorting out which parent is having the children at what time. Best to get that over with as early as possible so that all the bad feeling and arguing that goes with it is forgotten by December.
What I hadn’t thought about was how complicated I have now made things for my friends. Several of them are having parties to which (phew) I have been invited. However, this means that they have been unable to invite my ex and his girlfriend and that makes things difficult for them. I don’t mind if they invite him, but I don’t want to stand and talk to him and his new girlfriend anymore than he would want to talk to me and my boyfriend and certainly everybody around us would be feeling hugely uncomfortable about it all.
It’s a shame. I feel sorry for him that it means he misses out on local parties. I’m sure he is already feeling isolated enough.
So, just as I was beginning to feel all grown-up and sorry for my ex-ish, my really good friend asked me how I’d feel about her and her husband going out for dinner with my ex and his girlfriend and another couple. She has been invited to go out for a birthday dinner and obviously they feel they want him there to compensate for the fact that he’s not invited to the party. She has been very black and white about the situation up until now and has the view that you can’t really be friends with both when a couple splits up, but she’s been put in a difficult position and of course she should go. It’s just that I’m miserable about it because I want to go too and I’m not sure why I want to go.
It doesn’t really seem to get any easier.
zoe
December 11, 2007of course it gets easier.
i found that after my divorce (and many others) ‘friends’ choose who they want to stay friends with. it’s fair enough if they are old friends of your ex’s/yours, but those that you have made together is slightly more complex.
that’s when you know who your real friends were/are.
and besides, you have a future – you’ll make many more friends on your own/with boyfriend, so why worry? it’s not so easy now, but it GETS easier.
debio
December 13, 2007It does get easier as your new life becomes more established; it won’t take long for you to feel that was then and this is now.
The reaction of ‘friends’ and acquaintances surprised and amazed me – but your previous life will soon be off their radar anyway as you expand into a new circle of people.
You are sooo grown up and reasonable about all this – pity others cannot be the same.
DMM
December 13, 2007I just came across your blog. I’m also a single mother – divorced a year and have a 4 year old. I’m hoping it gets easier too.
BTW – great blog I’ll be back.