“Parents’ failure to divorce amicably means that one in three children permanently loses touch with one of them, usually the father, a new study has found”.
The same study also found that one in five parents said “that their primary objective during separation was to make the experience as unpleasant as possible for their ex-spouse”.
Hmmm. Well I can see that. It’s very difficult to try and remove your own bitter and angry feelings from the equation when attempting to discuss the children. However, I have decided that each time we argue I am going to try and think “will this matter in five years time?” and see if I can rise above it.
On that basis, although our endless parental disputes are getting VERY tedious I decided to try and look at our latest issue from a different perspective. Our 9 year old really wanted to go and play football with his dad in the dark this morning, so I suggested that he have a go to see if it was going to work. He enjoyed it but I still think it’s too early to do regularly – he was up ridiculously early and consequently it was all a bit chaotic by the time he went to school – we’d lost the fable he was supposed to be able to recite and his maths sheet and his jumper.
It’s a shame we can’t agree without an argument…my ex simply wouldn’t accept any of my opinions – accusing me of being selfish and he was furious that I wouldn’t drive him to his house saying “but you do nothing in the morning”, which as any parent who has to get three children out to three different schools every day would know is a wonderfully deluded view of a busy household pre school.
So. In order to try and be more forward thinking about the long term interests of our children I might suggest to my ex that we go to a “conflict clinic” which campaigners are trying to establish. I suppose it is similar to mediation. It might be worth a shot….
In the meantime, tonight I am dealing with the discovery of a photograph of a teenage girl’s arse on my computer taken during the Friday night party. The problem is that my desktop is in the kitchen and they all love taking loads of morph like pictures – I was shown most of the ones of their faces but not the rude ones obviously. Having discovered the offending picture tucked away on the bottom right hand corner of my desktop, I put it on my screensaver in an attempt to publicly humiliate my son but then a friend knocked on the door to drop something off and so I panicked and before I could let her in the kitchen I had to get him to quickly delete it in case she thought I was a pervert – he thought the whole thing was hilarious.
I am not amused. Today’s teenagers. Revolting. No morals. Imagine. Mooning (although frankly this was more than a moon). I suppose in our day we were just bloody lucky not to have mobile phones and computers to record our most embarrassing moments – although do you think we would have done it anyway?
As I write my two teenagers are watching “I’m A Celebrity” in the other room and they’re both shouting loudly in vague unison in the style of “Family Guy” for a cup of tea each – it is relentless “MUM!, MUM!, MUMMY!, MUM!, MOTHER!, MUM!, MUM, MUM, MAMMA, FAMILY AFFAIRS!! LULU, MUM!, MUM!, FAMILY AFFAIRS AND OTHER MATTERS. COM!!, MOTHER!, MUMMY, and so on and so forth until I AM GOING TO BLOODY KILL THEM.
Linda
November 18, 2009You’re so just as gorgeous. And I bet Fergie never keeps her friends amused with doughnuts in her cheeks. Too bloody preoccupied with her Lady Humps. x
Hope you had a fantastic birthday. x
Family Affairs
November 18, 2009No. I don’t suppose she can do the doughnut trick…..you’ve got to be 40 + to so not give a shit about looking like a complete arse. Thanks re birthday message Lx
Sarah Fontó
November 18, 2009“one in three children permanently loses touch with one of them, usually the father”
And spends the following years dodging uncomfortable questions like “what does your father/mother do”? etc. by responding “I lost my father/mother”.
Well it’s true. I mislaid him/her along the line and know where he/she is.
It’s hardly my fault that the person I am conversing with interprets it as death and hastily changes the subject.
I wish my mum had taken a leaf out of your attitude. I wish my dad had shown less of the attitude your ex is displaying. Five people (at least) would have been a lot happier in the long run.
Good for you.
So many people say “I’d die for my kids” and then turn around and don’t make even the tiniest fraction of the effort you are making…or actively make it all worse.
Less parents who think dying for your kids is maybe one day jumping in front of a car to push them out of the way and more who are prepared to die a little everyday, by swallowing pride, sucking up antagonism, smoothing over taunts, being the bigger person, letting stuff go and a thousand other penknife stab wounds as daily fare …..and there would be far fewer miserable kids.
Really, really, good for you. Hand on heart.
Family Affairs
November 19, 2009Thanks Sarah and really good to have from your perspective because I can understand the point of it all….Lx