So here in little old London town an urban ageing rock chick gets her bag stolen and spends the whole weekend stressing about whether to change locks and how to claim on insurance. About why she didn’t hang on to it better, about why she assumed it would be safer in a private members only club, about how to get a replacement phone and so on……
In the meantime, my gorgeous cyberfriend over in Tanzania is dealing with tragedy on an entirely different scale. Just devastating and I’ve brought it over from her blog to mine in case anybody else needed to get some proper perspective on life. She writes about dealing with death in a way that feels so right and real for me. Just tangible. Like you can touch her words. ALSO. WTF. IVORY POACHING???? STILL??
and I want to talk about the Chinese rape of the land in Africa. Heard this from too many people now. How is that being allowed to happen?
I have stolen her words and her photograph. I hope she won’t mind:-
oh dear oh dear….i’m not writing enough am i? and i honestly have so much to say. usually.
it’s just that, well, i trap myself in the conundrum of “do people really want to read all about that?” and . and. and. my friend died. this death stole all my words again. i don’t feel alright.
death is random. death is very present. and i hate it. i know death is what colours life and makes it all deeply tenuous and extraordinary. but i still hate it. i hate it. friends try to say the right things like “but this happens all over the world.” i know it does. but in this last year i have lost three friends to guns. three friends have been shot dead. is that normal? we don’t live in a war zone, ya know?
he was driving with his clients on safari, as one does, at nine o clock in the morning – enjoying the views, the wilderness, when they ran into some ivory poachers by mistake. they opened up with automatic weapons immediately and he was killed. quickly, thank god. it’s just terribly terribly sad and i miss him already. he leaves his wife and three children.
i can’t write about the ivory poaching just yet. but i will one day. and about the chinese colonization of africa. not now though. my anger is too white hot.
he was my riding pal. he was the one who inspired us lot to get on, jump and ride for our lives. he was the one who always made everyone laugh. he was the naughty one. he was the one who lived with no regrets. he was the one who cried at his 60th over sambuka shots because he didn’t want to get old. he was the one everyone loved. he was the one who said “the only reason i started riding all those years ago was so i could be surrounded by girls all the time.” and i am very very sad he has gone. when you get that phone call it makes the world stop. it crunches you up. your mouth gapes into a silent scream no. birds fly in slow motion and the sunlight becomes sharper than ever and you stare at a blade of grass and feel frozen inside. sadness creeps like ink on blotting paper and suddenly you have no words for anyone or anything. just sadness. which sits in your throat. it grows, like a vine, from your stomach, through your throat and blossoms out through your eyes and your mouth, feeding on your words. i think.
so tomorrow we will be brave. i will sing at his memorial. it will be hard. but i will look at words and think of hitting the notes from above and i will not look at anyone…
i will not cry, inshallah. at least not there. you can’t sing and cry at the same time.
kelloggsville
February 27, 2011Moving..I have learnt something and felt ..thank you
Expat Mum
February 27, 2011Oh my god. How Terrible. It’s appaling that this type of thing (mindless killing over feckin ivory) is even going on.
Jo
February 28, 2011I am left speechless after reading ‘her’ words and yours.
What she writes is so incredibly sad and as you say, puts everything into perspective. x
janelle
February 28, 2011aw thanks darlin’ for sharing this and feeling it too. rather strained and drained today. i managed to sing. god knows how…but then completely lost control later with the help of an empty stomach and too many champagnes after…ended up sleeping in the grass next to the car….gad! xxx j
Family Affairs
February 28, 2011I like your style Lx
'm'
February 28, 2011I often pop over to Janelle if I have time. I LOVE her style of writing – always has a beautiful way with words. Such a moving post.
Imagine if we had lost three friends to gun crime……Impossible to think of, isn’t it?
x
Family Affairs
February 28, 2011I know. You just can’t imagine violence on that level or the threat of it all the time. Tragic. Lx