FIRST CHRISTMAS WITHOUT MY MOTHER

I’m sitting in a freezing cold house. My boiler has broken down – on the coldest day of the last 10 years. Bloody typical. Weirdly, its issues like this that slightly tip me over the edge of my usual just-about-can-do-it-all-single-mother-coping-mechanisms. I can deal with most things, but add in a broken machine and I’m liable to lose my shit.

Even my cat is cold:-

Cold cat

This is not exactly helping to induce any feelings of glad tidings thus far and I can’t quite find the energy to start building up my Christmas spirit, let alone actually go out and buy presents. I’ve left ordering online too late, given the postal strike and none of my children have told me what they want. The fact that this will be the first Christmas without my mother is causing the rain cloud above my head to expand and even worse, my children are with their father this year for Christmas Day.

F*ck. It’s a lot. But I know I’m not the only one dealing with extra worries this year what with the energy bills, the economy in general, the war, inflation hikes, food price increases, the snow, the train strikes (I missed my work Xmas party last night because of it), the nurses strike, the postal strike, the border control strikes, when will it all end? Really, I shouldn’t be complaining at all, I still have a house to live in, I’m not trying to keep warm on the streets and I’m not in Ukraine trying to survive, so it’s time to get a grip.

So, it’s really not all bad. My son is having his 30th birthday party this Saturday (it was meant to be on Sunday for the World Cup Final, but given England are now not in it, he’s rearranged it as no one in his gang wanted to start drinking at 2pm on Sunday to watch Argentina Vs France). Although, to be honest, becoming the owner of a 30 year old son is making me feel very old, so that is in itself quite bad.

Last year, I had 15 people for Christmas Day, this year, once the kids head off at lunchtime it will just be me and one of my brother’s. Thank god an old friend has scooped us up and invited us to join their large family Christmas – it will be good for us to do something different. We did contemplate just staying in, the two of us, but I think we will just drown (down?) too many sorrows.

Still, it’s REALLY not all bad. There have been a few really fun Xmas parties, lots of park walks and time spent with friends, so I’m keeping busy and keeping my head above water, even if my legs are kicking furiously down below the surface. So, I’m going to take a deep breath, put another jumper on, take a walk in the park and remind myself that my mother would want me to stay upbeat and happy and go and buy the ingredients to make our Secret Recipe Family Christmas Fudge, that might cheer me up…and of course I’ll need to buy some more wine, so that we can all make a toast to her. She would always be sitting at the kitchen table demanding a top up and so this year I’ll just have to drink those top ups for her!

The park looking glorious:-

Snow on the fence and ground in Richmond Park

Icy park

There was a woodpecker in my garden yesterday and apparently that’s a good omen, “symbolising the new opportunities that come knocking into our lives, reminding us that we must answer the call of opportunity.” Woodpecker symbolism is apparently letting me know that it is time to pay attention because an opportunity has come knocking along with it – “in other words, it is signalling that significant changes are happening in your life and it is time to seize the moment – whether it is the renewal of an old project, the finishing of a new project or a serendipitous meeting with someone in your life, get busy!” The spirit animal is insisting that I understand that the door is wide open for me right now ant that success is mine for the asking! And the good news is that I can currently open all the doors of my house because it’s just as warm outside as it is inside!