LEVEL 2 AWARD IN WINES AND SPIRITS

One of the good things about being single is that you can buy yourself super-generous Christmas and birthday presents because you are not having to spend a significant amount of money on your significant other.

So this year I decided to buy myself a course and join a friend in doing a Level 2 Award in Wines and Spirits – it’s something I’ve wanted to do for ages – mainly because I thought I ought to stop being so boring about my choice of wine and spirits and branch out a little. There’s a whole world of alcohol out there – I really should stop sticking to one drink. For the last few years I have resolutely stuck to New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc – my favourite wine by miles – this cheeky little fruity number is my beverage of choice – looking more delightful than a little married couple with my fisheye lens:-

I had my first lesson today and was looking forward to trying some new blends and learning about wine and spirits from other regions. I hadn’t realised however how hard it was going to be – I have to learn all about the bloody distillation process!! I am not remotely interested in that side of things – it’s like being invited to look around a shoe factory – I don’t want to know how they are made, I just want to wear them and anyway, I’m clearly in way above my depth because in the unlikely event that I actually pass the exam I will apparently be qualified to work in a pub.

The other problem I struggled with today in the classroom (apart from being amazed that they no longer use blackboards and have these incredible interactive whiteboards you can use even though I could barely see it because my eyesight is failing) is that I have clearly lost my sense of smell because when faced with four glasses of red wine, all from different grapes and regions I failed at the first hurdle. We had to at first sniff (“what’s the nose like”) and then taste the various wines and then describe the various layers of flavour and aroma. Our teacher would say “do you agree that it has deep red fruit flavours (strawberry, red cherry and plum) with a touch of mint and possibly tobacco. You might smell fruitcakes or chocolate and smoke in this one as it’s more mature and oak aged) and at the point, with my eyes shut I’m sniffing so furiously that I feel faint in an effort to smell anything other than “red wine”.

Literally that’s it. Every single glass simply smelt of “red wine”.

So, I’m not sure how long it’s going to take for me to become a sommelier – more than a lifetime no doubt.

When we moved onto the white wines I was in my comfort zone – a lot better, but still not great. My daughter quite rightly pointed out that this was my specialist subject and therefore I really need not worry about failing the exam, but nevertheless when trying to analyse what was actually making up the palate and aroma and taste it’s very difficult. So whilst he was saying “can you smell citrus and green apples and gooseberry and possibly lime pith, but certainly citrus pith” I was thinking “what about cat’s pith?” I recall that some of these wines have a touch of Tom Cat about them…..

So what have I learnt so far? That you can feel quite pissed going home even after spitting everything out all day – I suspect that was due to inhaling all the spirit fumes we had to guess. I mean I thought you could get high from sniffing ethanol? Isn’t that what I’ve been doing all day? Apart from that? Very little. New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc is still my favourite. If you drink Torrentes from Argentina don’t buy a bottle that is older than 2013 in the UK because it’s flavour fades very quickly and apparently we overbought last year thinking this was to be the next big thing.

If you buy Tequila, avoid spending more on Golden Tequila because it is exactly the same as Silver Tequila but with a little bit of colour thrown in for good measure – not worth the additional cost.

Did you know gin starts its life as vodka and is then infused with Juniper berries? I bet I’m the only person who didn’t know that. Why did I think potatoes had something to do with the process?