ON BEING 50: SHOULD YOU CELEBRATE?

OK so I am finally going to admit that my big 50th birthday at the end of last year sent me into a massive decline about getting older. It’s taken me six months to get my head around being fifty and I have finally realised that my mother is right “there are not a lot of alternatives” so you might as well get on and enjoy it. I’m not even sure why it’s hit me so hard – it really shouldn’t have made that much difference, but it did. Suddenly I became aware of the ever racing years whooshing past me ever faster, of time diminished, of things not done and of the inner mechanics of my body slowly falling apart. Health becomes suddenly very, very important. I mean after 50 do our bodies actually make any new cells? Or do we just cling on to the ones we’ve got as they slowly sag and wilt? Even my overall topics of conversations have moved into a different zone – mainly focused on the menopause it seems, (or in my case “men-o-pause” which is rather more appropriate) and whether we should be taking HRT or not (no idea, ask someone else, not yet prepared to concentrate on this). Suddenly a few people I know are ill, having tests, getting cancer, all that stuff I’m not very good at dealing with and you know what? I can see why at this age and stage we all decide to think FUCK IT. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE. YOLO. LIFE IS FOR LIVING. LIFE IS NOT A DRESS REHEARSAL. YOU ONLY GET ONE CHANCE. GRAB LIFE WITH BOTH HANDS. LIVE A LITTLE..and all those other mouldy old cliches that we know and love.

I do think that the tendency old people have to switch off, to stop learning and being interested in the world has at least one advantage. I imagine that sitting around doing nothing in your slippers when you are old and picking the occasional raspberry or looking at a bumblebee would have the desired effect of slowing time right back down again, until you are so bored that you might as well plop off this mortal coil. Nothing else going on, so why not? The thought of attempting to grab life with both hands and rush about the planet trying to see everything I want will just speed up time surely? That’s what it feels like when I’m busy and THE LAST THING I WANT TO DO IS SPEED UP TIME! (except maybe this week, which has been shit and I’d rather get it over with).

So, back to the question of whether you should celebrate or not. I was most certainly in two minds about this – I didn’t really want anyone to know my age and was feeling very grumpy about the whole thing, but my children weren’t going to let me get away with not stocking the house up to the brim with alcohol that they could all abuse. So the discussions began. By the time I’d finished doing the research, I was back to wanting to buy myself a large present or holiday with the kids and forget the party.

But. There is nothing better in life than a room full of family and friends that are there just for you. They create the memories that keep you going for the next decade until you can afford a party again. If you get lucky you might even manage to get your children to say a few nice words about you (I paid mine).

So I would say yes, you really should celebrate. If you can’t afford a party, get your mates to bring the party to you. Not difficult to bring a bit of food and wine and party poppers. It shouldn’t be about the money. You can just do something in your local pub. Don’t go somewhere by yourself – your friends won’t forgive you – it’s the perfect time to thank your friends and family for hanging around with you for so long. Make sure they know that you really appreciate their friendship and support by bribing them with food and wine.
You can’t have everyone you want there, but hey…you can’t have everything.

I made a little speech at my party. Here’s what I said:-

I just wanted to say a few words of thanks before we start the dancing – on an ad lib basis, but then, as I was lying in bed this morning I suddenly realised that I had a once in a lifetime captive audience who HAD to listen to me and so I apologise in advance, but the opportunity was just too good to miss…..so I’ve written an entire speech instead.

So just looking at the gorgeous sea of faces before me, I thought I’d start my thank you’s right at the very beginning….

So first and foremost, a toast to my mother – thank you for having me and thank you for teaching me how to laugh in the face of adversity – her mantra all her life, just like my father’s was is “shit happens, deal with it, learn from it and be happy. Live Love Laugh. “It’s not rocket science” she often says, “life is not a dress rehearsal, it’s there to be enjoyed, despite whatever difficulties you encounter on the way, just keep your feet on the ground and make sure you know where the next step is taking you”, she has always managed to keep her sense of humour, no matter what.

Then a big thank you to our oldest family friend who has flown here all the way from Canada to be with us tonight.

Next, a thank you to my brothers for having the same attitude to life and for all their support over the years – thank you too to my sister’s in law for joining our family and making it even more fun – thank you for putting up with me and our ridiculous behaviour when we get together.

Now a huge thank you to my children for adding the most spectacular new dimension to my life – I’ve loved every minute of you all being around – except for the occasional minor blip like giving birth, coping with small babies with pneumonia in hospital, trying to get a child out of a prison in Krakow, endless visits to A & E to pick up a child with a broken head after a night out and endless visits to schools to apologise for knocking out a dinner lady or for having fireworks on the school grounds. Apart from that (without mentioning the worry, the stress and the vomit), they’ve been an absolute joy. They have taught me a whole new way of living and have helped me get through a very difficult time – in fact turning the whole situation on it’s head – I have become much closer to my children as a result of being a single parent and I am proud to honestly be able to say that I enjoy their company hugely and love them all as friends as well as family.

Ten years ago life was very different and I was still married. Part of the reason for me deciding to make a speech was because my daughter helpfully pointed out that she might have to make the speech, on account of the fact that at the ripe old age of 50 I don’t appear to have a husband or a boyfriend to make a speech on my behalf.

I’ve got friends here who represent every decade of my life – my school friends from Hong Kong from age 10, my university friends from 17 onwards, my EMI friends, my new baby friends from my 20’s and 30’s, my Pilates friends (oh, no, I don’t have any of those – obviously that healthy period of my life didn’t stand the test of time), my local friends, my new work friends and latterly my children’s friends and families – all here to remind me of why it is so important to have a party and to gather the troops – you have all in your own way helped me back on my feet and taught me that there is nothing more important in life than good friends and family

…and of course not to be forgotten are our absent friends, so a toast to them – you drink to yours, I’ll drink to mine.

I can honestly say that right here, right now is exactly where I want to be, so here’s to the next decade of living, laughing and loving – in the words of Helen Keller “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing” and so here’s to dusting yourself off and starting again and as Scott F Fitzgerald says for what it’s worth:-

….it’s never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit. Start whenever you want. You can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people who have a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.

Thank you all so much for everything and please enjoy it!!

AND THEN we danced and laughed and drank and lived and remembered and ALSO look what my lovely friend organised? A signed Billboard chart with all my favourite songs, signed by every one there and with my favourite Pata Pata 7′ that she’d managed to track down. Such a wonderful effort and it’s proudly on my wall. I love it.

She gave it to me earlier in the day when we all gathered for champagne and pressies – here I am after a little emotional cry – so not looking my best and then got everyone to sign it later!

and here’s a reminder, for myself mainly in years to come, of all the fun!

So, I would thoroughly recommend that you do something significant on your birthday and enjoy making a fuss of all your friends! (and hopefully vice versa!)

Here I am a few days later, still happy, with my soggy balloons (and still unable to take a decent selfie!)