My 10 year old has recently acquired his teenage brother’s old laptop and is now well on the way to becoming one of Facebook’s newly recruited addicts. Up until now I think we as a family have managed the introduction into how to behave online relatively well (myself included). I think they vaguely listened to me and my attempts to limit the time they spend on it. My threats to read what they were writing maybe gave them a tiny moral code. My reminders that somebody’s Grandmother could be reading what they post. It seems to have worked – they appear to be self-governing human beings, still able to engage happily in the real world with no criminal record that I know about. We had a small issue a few years ago when my teenage son changed my daughter’s Facebook name to “I’m A Twat” and she freaked out, but apart from that, it has all gone relatively well.
I don’t hold out quite so much hope with my 10 year old. He is a savvy little thing with many years of learning from his older siblings. When he was 8 he got expelled from Club Penguin for making somebody else’s penguin swear. Not only that, he has Builder Bloke’s three older boys to show him the well worn path of the depths of depravity. All part of growing up in our brave new world, I had thought. But I’m not sure anymore. All these kids appear to have already heard of “Youporn”.
There has been a lot of media coverage recently about the “sexualisation of children” especially girls provoked by the images and marketing one can access easily online. But there is a far greater problem than that I think and that is the unbelievably easy access to online porn sites.
Our children are growing up with a freedom of access to all things porn like no other generation before. It is hardly surprising we don’t find magazines under our teenagers beds anymore – they can look at anything they like, whenever they like, for free. According to the London School of Economics research shows that 52% of kids in the UK between the ages of 9 and 16 have internet access in their bedrooms.
Also according to LSE’s research more than 24% of 9-16 year olds admitted to looking at pornography in the last year. I bet it’s more than that. “Youporn” seems to be popular. As does simply Googling “XXX”. I was shocked by what I saw. I was only told about that access route the other day and had no idea how easy it was to find hardcore porn. And NINE year old’s are looking at this stuff??
Surely watching live sex at their age is utterly unacceptable? Not only is it providing “gross misinformation” but it must be changing the way they view the different genders. Each other.
Of course we can all talk to our children and let them know the dangers. What to avoid. We can all try and add the parental controls, but trust me – they will find a way. Our passive involvement is just not enough. It’s like putting a 16 year old boy in a locked room with a porn mag and telling him not to look at it under any circumstances.
We as parents have to take more of a stand about this. Get the broadband companies to cut off adult sites. Work out a plan. Otherwise, in my experience, the children will just get younger and younger. We can’t protect them all.
Anybody else have any bright ideas about what we can do?
Muddling Along
January 11, 2011I don’t have an answer but it worries me inordinately that effectively there is a generation being taught that sex isn’t about love, about relationships, about sex or even about sexual equality.
Short of locking up my daughters and getting rid of the broadband (weep) there doesn’t seem to be much of an answer
That said, have you read the pieces Pink Stinks have written about this and the sexualisation of girls?
Family Affairs
January 11, 2011No haven’t read any of Pink Stinks – how do I find? Just google? Will try.
anon
January 11, 2011there was a piece in the guardian a few months ago about an (adult) bloke who became aware at some point during his university years of the adverse effect porn was having on both his sex life and his view of women. he’s been campaigning against porn since. i’m sorry i can’t remember his name but maybe if you google around you’ll find him/his organisation and there’ll be some tips there.
Family Affairs
January 11, 2011Thanks – will look into Lx
kelloggsville
January 11, 2011CEOPS are useful for advise. I’m getting on well with Norton Online Family parental controls but my daughter is still fairly young and listens to me on the whole. I threw a wobbler at a train station newsagent once where all the FHM, nuts, zoo etc etc were in immediate eye-line. I explained (read ranted) that I didn’t want to have to see the pictures of naked women or explain them to my child. We are too tolerant all round of general soft porn which makes it the norm meaning that children will move to XXX porn for the next step without batting an eyelid. *sigh* all is not good with the world.
di foden
January 12, 2011I am well past this situation, although I do worry about my 41 year old, but isn’t there software you can download restricting access to parent-selected sites? Bit of googling would probably find something. xx
Family Affairs
January 12, 2011Is there? Will look. Ha ha that sounds funny – imagine trying to restrict your 41 year old’s access! Lx
diney
January 12, 2011It worries me to bits. My 11 year old has been ‘encouraged’ by peer pressure to have a facebook page, and eventually I agreed and she loved the idea for the first day but after that couldn’t be bothered with having to check her e mails and keep nurturing and tending her facebook wall. (yippee!).However, if she doesn’t reply to comments etc her friends are on to her at school, and she feels pressured again. I’ve given her such strong warnings about bullying and also strangers trying to make friends that she is a little scared in case someone she doesn’t know asks to be her friend on fb, which is quite good, but was amusing when she didn’t recognize her own brother’s mad profile photo when he requested her as a friend, and rejected him!! Perhaps I’ve gone too overboard with the warnings! Seriously though, it is scary.
Family Affairs
January 12, 2011There is a lot of pressure. Too have more friends. Be more involved. It’s difficult Lx
Brit Abroad in USA (Danielle)
January 14, 2011Interesting reading, thanks! I was recently feeling very old fashioned for blocking my 14 y/o from the computer. We have only one TV in the house, but several computers in my office. I now have them password protected after DS was sneaking on and gaming. Thankfully he was clueless about deleting history so I discovered where he’d been and how often.
I haven’t allowed email or Facebook for him or my 11 year yet, despite constant begging. ugh!
Family Affairs
January 14, 2011It’s difficult. But I’m not really advocating a total ban – it causes problems with their peers and makes them feel left out. Generally it’s fine. Just the porn that worries me Lx